As Suanie Sees It

The other day I received a police summons for an offense that I SWEAR I have never committed.

The offense was written up in Kuantan, a town which I have not visited in years. The last time I was in the East Coast was during last year’s holiday in Redang, where we stopped in Kuala Terengganu for a while.

The car was my old Iswara, which was sold to a second-hand car dealer BEFORE the date of the offense.

Surprisingly it was still under my name.

Damn sien, have to go to the police station now. If not, cannot renew my road tax soon.

This is common knowledge, but whatever. You can check for summons by sending a SMS to the.. erm people. Type “POLIS SAMAN (your IC without dashes or car registration number)” and send to 32728. Then you will receive a SMS that says you have a have a summons for how much on this and that date, and if you want more details, you’ll have to send another SMS saying “POLIS SAMAN (IC or car registration number) SEMUA” and you will get a SMS with the summons details. Each SMS costs RM0.50.

This is your FREE Suanie community service message.

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A couple of years ago, we went to Sabah for a family trip. Met up with my sister’s friend, Audrey who was a teacher in Kota Kinabalu. She related a story to us that has been in my mind all these while; never got around to blogging it until I read Bluqube’s post today.

It was the closing dinner of Sabah’s Teachers’ Day celebration. Education Minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Tun Hussein was supposed to be there and address the 2,000 guests present, but at the last minute he could not make it. So one of his deputies attended the dinner in his place.

The deputy stood up to make his speech. He had been to many places in Sabah, he said. He had been to Menggatal and he had been to Bum Bum. He had also been to Nunukan.

If you are like me who can be geographically-challenged at times, here’s a nifty map highlighting kedudukan Nunukan.

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Q: What is more dangerous than driving behind a tractor going at 20 kph?

A: Driving behind an indecisive L-plate female student going at 30 kph on a single lane accompanied by an instructor barking into her ears.

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Tomorrow I’ll start blogging in participation of Take Back The Tech for 16 days of ‘activism against gender-based violence’. If you want to be part of the campaign, go read more details here.

I think it should have been ‘take back TEH tech’, would be more relevant, you know Anyhow, it will be fun, so let’s do it.

Regulars to this blog would know of the shameless unadulterated self-whoring ‘Date Suanie‘ campaign that didn’t quite make it. It’s been more than a year, success rate zero and that post serves as a painful lesson why no one should ever pimp themselves like that. Evar.

That is if you are really looking for a boyfriend lah

So when Audrey of FEMALE mag e-mailed and asked if I would like to be part of a feature yadda yadda bloggers yadda yadda, I of course took it up. I am not a blog-ho for nothing.

The feature was published in their October 2006 issue.

Haha, funny write-up. FYI, I didn’t write it Four other bloggers featured are Bunny Wunny, Jenn Tai, Oliviasy and Cynthia Foo.

Scanned pages. Click to enlarge.

Normally I don’t do this (i.e. scan stuff and what not) but for some reason I am finding the entire affair quite funny. So let me enjoy myself lah.

I tell you, all this USA vs Iraq, Iran bs is plain nonsense and child’s play. All the drama-lama is just a ploy to shift your attention from the REAL enemy.

In short, it was just to get oil, pure and simple.

You know, I have no qualms with that. Really. Cars, like us need to drink too, else they would get dehydrated and sputter and die. And since USA has more cars and trucks and bikes and what-not than say, Mongolia, it is fine that they need to obtain the oil, and some other people need to suffer for it. Too bad.

But why can’t they say that out right, huh? Why all the hiding behind a seemingly noble cause of relieving a country from WMD? So NOW they actually HAVE to look for the WMD in order not to look like stupid fucks who don’t know the reason they fucked a couple countries up down front back left right.

They aren’t looking at the right places.

The WMDs are not in the Middle East.

I know WHO has the WEAPONS of MASS DESTRUCTION!

That’s right ladies and gentlemen. A little bird told it to me, and now I tell it to you. The ever-elusive WMD are in fact…

right here…

in…

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MALAYSIA!!!!!!!!!

Surprising, isn’t it? I kid you not. You know, I’ve always wondered why the US never really suspected Malaysia for harbouring WMDs and stuff that blows up. Just because we make ourselves out to be the progressive Islamic country doesn’t mean we can’t keep a nuke or two! Just in case we get too bored of all the peace-shizzy you know. Nukes are big. Big things are fun. We like nukes.

War is good for business anyway. Helps spur the economy.

Anyway like I said, I got this info from a little bird. The little bird then flew away and got shot in the head for tweeting too damn much. I am not a fan of happy birds.

And today, I finally saw it. I saw the WMD. Right in front of me was the most feared shizz in the history of mankind, because there won’t be a mankind AFTER we use it. We humanoids are bent on self-destruction, it seems.

If you are ready to see what I saw, I present to you…

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WMD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, lame Friday joke. It’s my birthday so I’m allowed. Moving on.

By the way if you are from the government, I would like to state loud and clear that this pretty much useless post is meant as a lame joke. JOKE, you know the type that makes people go ‘hee hee haa haa fucking noob’. There is a reason why I am not a stand up comedian in real life. Please don’t put me in prison, kthx.

I think there are times when one’s patience and limit are reached… no, more like stretched until it seemed impossible to be stretched any more but you can’t stop it from being pulled and pulled and pulled and stretched and stretched and stretched to the point of one getting fucked by the ugliest man alive front back and middle but it feels like it’s not as bad as this for love is all you need even if it’s not the type of love you’d imagined.

I tell you what lah. It is because I’m a Malaysian and I love my country and I really do believe in the future that it fucking upsets me when we get featured like this on a news site that I have higher respect for than the CNN or any Malaysian papers.

The shit hit the fans real bad. I’m not that naive to believe that this would be the end of the show, nor it being the high point.

IT JUST MAKES ME FUCKING TULAN, CAN?!?!?!?!?

Of course someone was misunderstood. Where even Gandhi, Princess Di and Mother Teresa were not spared from criticism, it would be really nice to be misunderstood for a most politically socially economically incorrect statement like that.

Oh just a misunderstanding, all of you heard wrongly, nothing serious, kacau you only, moving on moving on.

But why do we know better?

Or it is us who need telepathy?

ARGH RAGHH BARGHHHH GIMME A FUCKING COW AND I’D SNAP THE SODDING ANIMAL’S NECK LIKE A TWIG AND DRINK ALL ITS BLOOD AND FEED ON THE FUCKING CARCASS THERE AND THEN AND I’D BE FUCKING INSTITUTIONALISED OR DEAD SO I DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS FUCKING SHIT ANY MORE!!!

TIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Pink Poodle said:

Woah, woah! HOLD ON DUDE. You mean only handicapped people can use handicapped toilets?

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How come people have this notion that only the disabled can use facilities for the disabled?

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So tell me … our government spent millions of taxpayers’ money to build so many facilities for the physically disabled, and only they are allowed to use it?

Oh, excuse me for going down the slope instead of the stairs, will you? I shouldn’t have. MRT lifts - don’t use it, cannot use it. Use the escalator instead.

WTF is this?

Sure, if I SEE that you are physically disabled, and you need to use the handicapped toilet, then yes, obviously I will let you use it and go use a normal toilet.

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As far as I am concerned, you have a physical disability - and that is where you have a disadvantage. Your bladder is working fine isn’t it? So you wait, just like normal people do, when there is a queue for the toilet. The rest of us queue up to use a toilet - I don’t see why the disabled should be any different.

Don’t even go near the issue of handicapped parking lots. That is different, because waiting for a parking lot is not a matter of 2 minutes.

Pissed with unreasonable people. What pisses me off more is when the society at large condones bad behavior when it comes from supposedly piteous people. So what, handicapped have the rights to be unreasonable meh? If I ever break my leg (choy!) I think I shall use my crutch to anyhow whack anyone who comes near my MRT lift.

Ranked by Technorati at 43 as of Oct 17th 2005 with 6,951 links from 3,399 sites and people still argue that because it’s her blog, she can write whatever she wants and she has no responsibility towards society and the younger generation.

Yeah whatever, send me to Pluto too while you are at it.

Thought to self, stop self-punishing by avoiding goddamn awful material.