As Suanie Sees It

So I started the whole blog award thing last year because I thought these kinds of horse shit awards are… well, horse shit. If you have read my entry last year, I’d explained why it’s just a popularity wankfest.

This year I didn’t have a look at any on-line award thingy, because I don’t have time and because I really don’t give a shit. But I am lacking of things to blog and so it’s a good idea to recycle the Suanie Awards. Maybe I’ll make it an annual run. See my mood how.

Besides I wanna honour y’all.

So…

Without further ado…

Presenting…

THE (now) ANNUAL SUANIE AWARDS 2006!!!!!!

Thank you ladies and gentlemen, thank you. As usual, let’s skip the nominations and go straight to the winners, because it’s my awards show and I say so.

Freshie Blog of the Year goes to… MANUSCRIPTS DON’T BURN!!!!!

Congrats congrats, you lot are fighting a worthy cause and I like books and I wanna free the books and that’s why you lot are so deserving of this award that comes with no money, no status, but with lots of moral support. That’s what’s important, right?

The Best Original Blog goes to… THE SECOND HAND WONDERLAND!!!!!

Congrats congrats, you’ve been the most consistent personal blogger I know, while the others change, fade and flicker, you remain the same. That’s good, keep it up!

The Cyah & Come Back Again award goes to… JAY SO RULES!!!!!

Yeah I understand how and why you feel the way you do. But please reconsider, won’t ya? That’s why this is not a ‘Farewell Award’…

Best Malaysian Socio-Political Blog (for now) goes to… REDUCED AND RECYCLED!!!!!

I always love your insightful posts (when you bother to update so take this as a hint kthx).

Best Reality TV Blog goes to… CULTURALLY PRECONDITIONED!!!!!

Honestly I don’t know of other reality tv blogs, but if I had read more reality tv blogs, you would have won hands down anyway

Down With The Man award goes to… OPEN MALAYSIA BLOG!!!!!

Even though I don’t understand half of what is written, I still support whatever is written. Yay!

Funniest Blog Entry goes to… SULTAN MUZAFFAR’s Misi Suara Mawi!!!!!

It’s short, deathly sweet and I still get the giggles reading it today.

Satu Misi, Satu Suara, Terus ke Mawi Anda!!!!

Bestest Haiku Blog goes to… MADHAIKU!!!!!

Again, I don’t read many any other haiku blogs, but you are so great that you outshine everyone else! When I grow up, I want to write haiku just like you! ph33r le haiku aura!

Bestest Puppies goes to… LAINIE!!!!!

Normally I wouldn’t like to recycle my awards, but in this case you win hands down

Special Achievement Blog Award goes to… HANTU BOLA!!!!!

Honestly I don’t know what you guys have achieved, but whatever it is (define your own achievements here) it must be great!

The two final awards go hand in hand.

The Bestest Blog Award goes to… YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS AND JUBILATIONS ALL AROUND! CONFETTI AND CORNFLAKES IN THE AIR!!! POP THE CHAMPAGNE AND [censored]!!!!!!!!! You are ALL so GREAT I could hardly catch my breath.

And with that, here’s another award for ya…

Yay!

Congratulations to all the winners :D :D

I won’t be around for the weekend, knock yourselves out.

Last weekend I was quite tulanified when the bakery dudes forgot to bake a cake that I’d ordered 3 days before. Even though they had a similar cake on display, I decided to lansi with them and purchased a cake elsewhere.

Then walking past the newsstand I saw the Weekend Mail with the headlines BLOG-WASH (from hogwash, geddit?). My tulanifiness increased as I pored over the first couple pages.

Exclusive survey reveals Malaysian bloggers talk bollocks!

Guess what? Weblogs (or Blogs) in Malaysia are not viewed as credible sources of information.

This was the findings of a Weekend Mail survey that saw 66 per cent of the 100 respondents interviewed questioning the credibility of blogs as a source of information.

Fuwah, genius betul. Tell me something my stuffed penguin Wally doesn’t know.

Though I wonder if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. The good thing would be, those who partook in the survey had the good sense to filter the information — any information available anywhere, either the Web or elsewhere, and understand that generally, you cannot believe EVERYTHING that you read.

The bad thing would be, there are people who unfortunately lack the very capability to dissect information and make good use of their grey matter to judge for themselves what is right, what is wrong, and what you should and shouldn’t give more than two hoots about.

They are also known as dumb fucks.

And these people are living in MY country, breathing MY air — worse, they actually do go online, polluting the very cyberspace I leave my stamp on.

Those who called for bloggers to be monitored said blogs should only be used to share useful information, and not be an avenue to post exaggerated articles, or be a place to blow your own trumpet.

Here are some useful information.

By the way, I am great.

… and busy. You guys will just have to make do without my updates for a couple of days while I sort my shit out.

Now.

There are all these award thingies going on; if you are a blogger you may have been made aware of the 2005 Weblog Award thingamajig and we all know who is going to win.

And why not? It’s a bloody popularity contest and may I suggest, has no sound system in its manner of nominations and voting process. Not talking about audio lah you jokers. You know what I mean.

The nominated were not in the final nominations list (and you can’t question how the list is finalised) and each IP/user/person can vote once a day. Let’s say Blog Aay and Blog Bee are in the running. Blog Aay asks his readers to go look see this awards that is going on, and perhaps vote if they have the time. Blog Bee asks his readers to go look see this awards that is going on, and VOTE FOR ME COZ I FUCKING DESERVE THIS SHIT.

You do the math and the rest of the hypothetical scenarios.

Because everything is so obviously a downright sham, I decided to join the maddening ‘blog crowd’ (if I call it ‘blorowd’, does it mean that I successfully coined a word?) and came up with my own awards. It’s nothing more than a lickle banner with my face and some words on it, but it’s the bloody thought that counts and I have too many damn thoughts for my own good. Heck, I might turn out to be the only honest award-giving person in this whole deal.

So ladies and gentlemen, presenting…

Are we having fun yet?

To present the first, second, third and every other award of the evening, allow me to introduce to you a lady of utmost grace and unceasing beauty…

S-U-A-N-I-E!!!

Thank you thank you. I think nominations are a waste of time because I already know to whom I want to present these awards, so here goes.

Freshie Blog of the Year goes to HANTU BOLA: Petaling Street Hooligans.

You guys and girls make me laugh until my insides hurt.

Pretty Legs of the Year goes to Kimberlycun.

She kinda created this award, so it’s all hers.

Hamsap Blogger goes to KY Speaks.

Since he’s not just hamsap this year nor will he be less hamsap next year, keep the title mate hehehehe…

Blog Commentator of the Year goes to Dabido (Teflon).

You pwn3d, mate, you pw3nd.

Celebrity of the Year goes to Fireangel.

Never have we seen such quick rise to fame like a lotus struggling to shake off its pod. It’s late at night and I have no idea what the fuck I just said, but that’s the effect of the one and only Fireangel.

Blog-ho of the Year goes to ShaolinTiger.

Yay! You deserve every pixel!! Congrats, mwahhh!!

Assholes of the Year goes to the fuckers who broke into our place and stole our stuff.

Assholes.

OMGWTFBBQ of the Year goes to Paul Tan.

Here’s why.

Best Puppies goes to Lainie.

You are not gonna kill me, right? Honesty the best policy mah…

And last but nevar evar evar evar least,

Blog of the Year goes to…

YOU!!!!!!

Congratulations, you’ve won!!! Yayyyy you must be like, great.

Again, my sincerest congratulations to all the winners. Feel free to use the buttons above and feel very free to be very happy.

Because it’s like, teh most important thing in the world. Right or not?

Kthxbai.

Because I am sometimes a blog-ho and I’m an egoistical blogger and place way too much importance on myself and this blog, I like to click on my sitemeter to see who’s on, who came from where, that sort of stuff. KY should know - his FF browser’s homepage is his blog and he has his sitemeter there all the time. If you want to know how many visitors everyone is getting, ask KY.

When I put up the post on Dawn Yang, it was almost immediately after the New Paper article of her got published.

And then the blogosphere madness followed.

I don’t really give that much of a damn about her having plastic surgery or what-not. If we could like, snap back to Hollywood reality for a bit, almost none of the celebs would willingly admit that they underwent the knife. Michael Jackson would only admit to a couple of nose jobs, but anyone with a brain would know better. Sarah Jessica Parker, Sharon Stone, Al Pacino; almost every he/she/it done it.

Your local celebrities, your Singapore celebrities, the tai-tais, the Datins what-not, Lord this and that, socialites of the highest order, almost the entire LA county, they all dunnit. And of course they won’t admit it- who the fuck in their right mind (except for porn stars) would go all out, especially in the beginning of their blossoming careers? Yes it is a hypocrisy, yes we all know better, yes Britney’s boobs are fake, and then what? As much as I dislike Britney, I have to admit that she’s got to be smart to stay around this long even though she can’t sing for shit (her live performances are HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE!). Either that or she has some really good people around her.

You can argue till the cows come home about DY and PS; at the end of the day she’s still signed to the talent company, if she’s got brains she would know how to milk it, and whatever happens next, well we shall see, eh?

And yes, I think that Dawn Yang is hot. I think that Angelina Jolie is hot. I think that Siti Nurhaliza is hot. I think that Camelia is hot. I think that the chick who was in ‘Return of the Condor Heroes’ with Andy Lau and dated Chow Yun Fatt is hot. I think that Mack’s wife is hot. I think that my friend Melissa who used to work for SIA is hot. I think that my ma is hot.

Deal with it.

About my sitemeter, it is rather annoying to have a traffic spike to that post about DY. The first couple days were fine, OooOoo traffic increased, people coming bla bla bla - then you realise that it’s all useless hits. Everybody wants to know about DY. Everybody wants to see what she looks like. And this irks me to no end.

HELLO, THIS IS MY BLOG! SINCE WHEN DID THE UNIVERSE STOP REVOLVING AROUND ME?!? CAN WE LIKE, STICK WITH THE PROGRAMME?

Well, things are getting back to their usual state, i.e. less pointless hits. So to Dawn Yang, so long and thanks for all the hits.

I know, I know.

Now go spike Swifty’s traffic.

1. Swifty Admits With Tears That His Relationship With Beautiful Blogger Dawn Yang Won’t Work
2. A webcomic done by Dawn Yang for Swifty
3. Swifty Announces ‘Chubby Cheeks Contest’ Winner! The Queen Is Not Amused
4. Swifty Says Farewell To Dawn Yang. XiaXue Is Pissed. Guestblogger Justin Is Happy

Japan is pretty much a trendsetter when it comes to novelty things and people, and things that people do. Just when you thought that you’d seen/read/heard it all, a new fad would burst like plum blossoms in spring, mortifyingly humbling our jaded cynical selves into shocked silent puppies.

I would like to shock you myself, so ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present the BEST well kept secret in the blogosphere. Ready? Here you go…

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Joi Ito is a woman.

Joi Ito is a woman.

JOI ITO IS A WOMAN!!!

That’s right. All of us have been duped, the blind bats that we all are. You’ve got to admit; a Japanese man wearing a robe - that’s not culture; THAT’S NOT A MAN AT ALL!

Via Jack of All Blogs (thanks Edrei)

10 Most Powerful Women in Blogging

[...]
8. Joi Ito of Technorati (http://joi.ito.com ) has her hands in a lot of Web 2.0 companies, some you might not even know about yet. This makes her damn powerful. Often times the one you don’t know that well is the most powerful. My personal favorite because she seems to help people get shit done.
[...]

Research is overrated.