As Suanie Sees It

One photo of me and the rest will be *not* me. Obviously I realise that I am not that cute to be pretending to be cute

When I was much younger
way younger than I am now
I would often surrender
my time to the TV and bow

Ryan with Oreo Original and Oreo Double Cream

For in Batu Pahat where I grew up
accessing Singaporean stations is easy-peasy
needless to say my entertainment hub
was limited to Channel 5 and 8 on TV

Feeling mighty powerful with an Oreo in his grasp

They had all sorts of wonderful things
that were unfortunately not available here
oft times I wish I could spread my wings
to the Lion city for assorted gear

Strong in my tender memory
is an Oreo cookie ad
a lil’ white boy no older than me
standing in front of a spread

The boy knows separation

With an Oreo cookie in his hand
to which he professed to be a fan
he twisted it open to reveal the cream
and his tongue reached out for the dream

I think he will do rather well in life…

Open face Oreo, chucked into a glass
or did he replace the top? I don’t recall
it did soak up the milk quite fast
into his mouth it went, what a haul!

As I sat there watching in amazement
my mind reeling at this cookie revelation
I turned to my mom and said, “mummy look at this!
Can I have an Oreo cookie, please?”

Actually he layaned my taking photos of him for a while, and then he could not wait anymore

It wasn’t until I was in Form Six
eating lots of fried food and cakes
that I bought myself an Oreo pack
intending for it to be a midnight snack

Alas that was not the case
I reached home and stuffed my face
pace? what pace?
it was ace!

Arghhh I’m going to be eaten, arghhh! AaaaAaaaAaarghHH! …
Sorry that was rather lame
I have only myself to blame
For wanting everything to sound the same
Uh, here’s more: tame, dame, came, fame, game!

I heard that there’s a video contest
to put some favourite Oreo moments to the test
to see which one emerges the best
and rules over the rest

If these cookies could talk…

So why not whip out your video camera
get creative, work that brain, why don’t ya
and submit your videos via YouTube
then sit and wait, dude

It is obvious that my rhyming sucks
in fact I think I am quite nuts
so here is where I bid you adieu
I’m sure you will have better things to do*

* such as checking out the Oreo website and joining the Oreo Moments contest

Tigerjoe, man-ho extraordinaire moaned that PPS hits today aren’t what they used to be. Me, of course having a blog for no purpose and with no direction decides to take him up on his skewed observations, and in this first of a four part blogglenge (blog+challenge, I dare you to say that 50 times in a row), I present to you:

Suanie’s Poetry
aka Ode to Boobies
aka I-hope-John-Keats-doesn’t-rise-from-his-grave-and-scare-me-to-death

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness!
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun
My bosoms are drooping 25 years in existence
No longer perky like 18 year old lumps
If you’re young you’d better fucking cherish your tits
Splatter age-defying cream and whatnot all over your bits
Better wear a bra if you’re more than an A
Trust me, it pays
Oh boobs of all shapes and sizes
Boobs of spring, summer, autumn and winter
Boobs like apples, oranges, melons and peaches
You’d give a straight man a seizure
Treasure them well, treasure them good
Helps if you have a nice ass to boot
Tigerjoe, I hope you are duly chastened
I bet my poetry gets more than 10 hits, bless ‘em
If I recall you owe me some beer
I’ll collect when I’ve fixed my ear.

-The End-

A duet, naturally.

Male:
Awak banyak lawa
Saya sangat suka
Mari pegang tangan
Hingga di tapak kayangan

Female:
Awak banyak hensem
Muka macam Beckham
Badan tegap tongkat tak layu
Inilah laki yang saya mahu

Chorus, together:
Bisik senyum ketawa
Sampai tua-tua
Tak kira apa jua
‘Ngan you sorang sahaja.

Female:
Bila dah beranak sepuluh
Berat badan naik berkilo-kilo
Nak jalan pun susah
Peha bergesek teruk

Male:
Berat tetap berat
Sayang tetap sayang
Asal boleh jilat
Tak ‘yah buat wayang

Chorus, together:
Bisik senyum ketawa
Sampai tua-tua
Tak kira apa jua
‘Ngan you sorang sahaja..

‘Ngan you sorang sahaja..
‘Ngan you sorang sahajaaaaaa….

.::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::.

So how? Can I quit my day job now?

The sky is so high
The clouds are so white
I’d be quite fucked
If I don’t complete my work tonight.

… kthxbai

Yo listen up.

Many kinds of people in the world today
Different things they do, different things they say
Some are fucked up some are sane
Some people are just plain lame

To tell on others when they do not know
The story behind and things that follow
I’m very pissed off, what a shame
The pain you caused is bloody insane

Well-meaning some people may be
Short-sighted some people have been
In that case, please do allow me
To introduce to you the person that is Suanie

I’ll start with religion, listen to this
Sometimes I’d call myself a Buddhist
But people may argue that I’m a fraud
The Five Precepts I follow strictly - not

But Buddhism concepts I do believe
Hence I do not think that God exists
Call it a problem with authority
But I like my mind clear and free
This is your first clue here and now
That I think some societal rules are foul
Oh respect I have, in abundance even
But I just want to be slightly different

Because you see, I’m growing up
No longer can I remain a young pup
But the more candles I blow, the more I realise
A lot of things are really not THAT nice

If it were up to me, I’d legalise homosexuality
And prostitution too but that’s another story
I am for pro-choice, and here lies my point
CHOICES mean the other side of the coin

I’m not trying to be the hero
Salah pusing I end up with zero
But one thing is clear, I don’t want to be a robot
I’ll walk my own path, you can keep up with the lot

Disclaimers do not really work I know
Yet you have the CHOICE not to follow
If you’d read the archives you can really glean
That my blog is not very clean

I do realise my stupidity
And naivety in putting up that entry
But instead of running around playing misguided noseys
Wouldn’t it be BETTER to just contact ME directly?

But what is done is done, there’s no turning back
The damage you’ve caused is still on track
In future I’ll certainly be a bit more careful
Not to severely piss off silly people like you

This was meant to be a very long rant
My blood boils, I can still feel it
But after talking to one or two friends
I came to the conclusion that you are not really worth it

At the end of the day I have this to say
It’s really MY blog, MY life and MY way
It’s not my fault if I walk not your path
Don’t go crying to OTHER people if things get a little rough

Please do me a MASSIVE favour
Go read my disclaimer
Understand FIRST before you start accusing
Of things that are and things that are missing.

Bless you.