In light of the recent seriousness, here’s something that could perhaps lighten your mood.

A friend; let’s call him Pudding dated a chick whom he now describes as ‘totally totally fucked up weird fucking psycho‘. Or something along those lines, I couldn’t catch them all in his tirade.

One night Pudding was sleeping in his birthday suit when said girl came back, absolutely wasted and in one of her… special moods. She started yelling at him, he was awaken but chose to ignore her and continue sleeping… or tried to anyway.

After a while, he heard his kitchen drawer being opened. Seconds later, he felt something cold seeking entrance to his body waste exit point. What happened next in his own words:

“She knelt on the bed and tried to shove the fucking baster up my ass!!! Good thing I have fast reflexes… I jumped up like a bat outta hell. Good thing she didn’t get far with it too!”

For more than your turkey needs.

As rude as that seemed to be, they stuck together for a bit. The end of the relationship was when one day, she broke a bottle of vodka over his head and knocked him out cold. When he recovered he asked why did she do that.

Mad chick : Because I love you.
Pudding : Please don’t love me anymore.