As Suanie Sees It

It’s true. FA nearly died this morning and she is none too happy about it. It’s not a surprise really, seeing how many people bribe their way to obtain a driver’s license in this country. It has been over a decade since I sat for my driver’s license test, but I still remember the case of a woman in my batch. I guess she was in her mid-thirties or early-forties, couldn’t read or understand much Bahasa Malaysia and had some eyesight problems. Not the type that requires spectacles mind you, but the type that makes you unable to differentiate between red, green and yellow. But guess what? She passed all her tests!

When I sold off my Proton Iswara a couple of years ago, it fetched a slightly lower price. After discounting the price reduction from a major car accident (somehow they always manage to find out, even after you sneakily fixed up the car to be all nice, functional and pretty), the used car dealer told me the price she was buying it for, and “it’s less a bit lah… because Johor plate number mah. People here don’t want one… “.

I don’t know if you are guilty of the following, but I am. Whenever someone is being an asshat on the road, I’d look at the car number plate. If it’s not from KL or Selangor, I’d angrily mutter, “Damn Penang/ Johor/ Melaka/ Terengganu etc drivers…”, never mind that I am far from receiving the Model Driver of the Year award. Hah, don’t lie, I know most of you do that too!

Penangnites have a reputation for being efficient or terrible drivers, depending on how you look at it, that is. Have you driven in Penang Island before? You must try it someday — it is truly an experience. Part of the problem is because of the poor road system and planning (same problem we have here in KL), and the other part is… I don’t know, insane drivers’ genes maybe? Let’s not even begin to talk about the motorcyclists.

Have you ever been in a car accident? I have, and I am very happy that I can be here to blog about it (as opposed to blogging as a ghost). But seriously, what are our chances of not getting ourselves into car accidents, huh? Huge torrential rains that totally fucks up your line of sight. Vehicle owners who don’t take care of their vehicles, resulting in damaged brake/ indicator lights etc. Cars and vans more than 20 years old still zipping around town, with owners almost harbouring a death wish (because it wouldn’t matter if the vehicle is totaled). Motorists and passengers not wearing seat belts, motorcyclists and passengers not wearing helmets. Motorcyclists who do not use the motorbike lanes and insist on taking up the entire lane by driving at 30kph. Motorists who drive at 40kph when they should be driving at 90kph. Motorists who drive at 140kph when they should be driving at 90kph. Not to mention our brilliant road and town planning that sees you ending up in bottleneck traffic jams around the city.

How badly did you curse when you found yourself inching along Federal Highway, only to find out 8km later that one single stalled car was the cause of your time loss and aggravation?

Ah well. Like I said, I am probably no less innocent than you on the road. Looking at statistics, I might end up flattened on a Malaysia road one day. But I still have to get around, so like it or not, I’ll have to take my chances.

I’ll tell you this much though — I feel safer staying at home being on-line via Wi-Fi than driving on Malaysian roads. The same reason why I feel safe using a mobile phone (of course I don’t use just any ciplak brand ), and when I nuke leftovers using the microwave.

Because, come on… seriously? You and I are more likely to die from a car accident than Wi-Fi radiation.

Read this: Wi-Fi - Penang gov’t doing the right thing

I have seen the trailer for CARS a few times and I must admit that I did not have any inclinations to watch it. Yes, even though it is by Pixar. The trailer was all cars racing cars racing cars (duh) and I am not a car person so I figured I’d give it a miss.

THEN someone offered me a seat at the press screening of the movie, of course I go lah. Waste not want not, right? I must have been the only non-media blogger there, because SOMEONE slept through his alarm clock and didn’t wake up till centuries later.

Oh the movie… BEST SUMMER MOVIE SO FAR…. what, I’m supposed to elaborate?

Synopsis: Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) is a rising superstar race car tipped for NASCAR-like greatness and pwnage. On his way to compete in a race for the Piston Cup, he got stranded in a sleepy town, Radiator Springs. Forced to spend some time in the town, the hero underwent a journey of new-found respect, humility, friendship and love.

Lesson learnt: Do not assume that all trailers give you accurate insights on the movie plots. Some trailers will and do suck. At least the one I saw for ‘Cars’ anyway. Damn noob right me? Should have learnt my lesson after ‘The New World’, where 10 out of 10 people who saw it told me that it sucked even though the trailer looked promising. Artsy people thought otherwise — obviously we are lacking of class la… lacking of appreciation for moving grass and breeze and (bad) poetry la… lacking of appreciation for non-typical Hollywood junk la… but I’m telling you, don’t even get the pirated dvd for ‘The New World’.

And Pixar did ‘Cars’ so brilliantly! Though the plot was somewhat typical do-gooder with a moral-lesson-for-the-kids like most Disney/Pixar movies, ‘Cars’ was darn funny and memorable in its own way. The stars were apt for the characters they provided voices for, and what GLORIOUS animation! From the beginning of the movie I was awed by the extensive details of the background and landscape. So pretty the lighting, the wonderful nitty-gritty the production team took such great care to include, I’m falling over myself here.

Personally I prefer ‘The Incredibles’ (mostly due to Edna Mode’s dry sarcasm overload) but someone said that you cannot compare all the Pixar movies together-gether because each one is different. I guess someone was right. ‘Cars’ was definitely better than ‘Ice Age 2′ anyhow. Better than ‘Mission: Impossible 3′, definitely and from credible reviews, better than ‘Da Vinci Code’.

And this summer’s blockbuster pwnage, ladies and gentlemen is………. tam tam taratammmmmmmmmm

CARS!!!!!!!!

Congrats congrats Pixar, you deserve it.

If that wasn’t good enough for you doubters, there’ll be the obligatory Pixar short film as appetiser, this one is called One Man Band.

Via Pixar.com:

With one coin to make a wish at the piazza fountain, a peasant girl encounters two competing street performers who’d prefer the coin find its way into their tip jars. The little girl, Tippy, is caught in the middle as a musical duel ensues between the one-man-bands.

Equal to ‘For The Birds’, is my humble opinion. Ten minutes into the movie, I found myself still thinking about ‘One Man Band’. It was like I couldn’t believe the brilliance I’d just witnessed.

And also, stay for the credits. You’ll thank me for it.

CARS open in Malaysia cinemas on 8th June 2006.