As Suanie Sees It

One day my sister came home with a big box of doughnuts. Very enthusiastically, she told me to try them. But I looked at box of doughnuts with disdain because:

1) I am not a doughnut person
2) I am not a doughnut person
3) Repeat 1 and 2

Then dinner was late that day, and I had no choice but to consume a doughnut to tahan lapar.

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HOLYMOSESTHESEARETHEBESTDOUGHNUTSIEVERHADDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!1111111

Then yesterday, I had this inane craving for doughnuts, no thanks to Kim and Nick. So during lunchtime, I drove to The Curve to get myself some lovely doughnuts from Big Apple Donuts & Coffee.

It’s a little shop between a shop being renovated called ‘The Apartment’ and ‘Eden’. They have ample of varieties to choose from — mango cream, bananarama, green tea, this and that icing, berry, glazed and semi-glazed, and so on. RM 2 for one doughnut, and RM 17 for a dozen. Can’t remember the price for half a dozen. Who wants only half a dozen anyway?

The owner of the shop, Mike was there. Friendly, amiable chap and we chatted for a bit. Mike had spent several years in the US and wanted Malaysians to savour the same doughnuts he had there. I mean, if you are in Malaysia and never been out of the country, you’d think Dunkin Donuts to be the heaven of donuts. I thought so too, then…

Mike’s face literally lit up when he talked about his doughnuts. He said that he bought his machineries and ingredients from US, so I was thinking that his everyday cost must not be cheap lah. The outlet in The Curve is the first and they will soon expand to Sunway Pyramid and maybe other places. Even customers from Singapore are begging for him to open an outlet in the Lion City! Just a matter of time before world domination

You should get yourself some doughnuts from Big Apple Donuts & Coffee at The Curve too!

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It has been a while since I was so excited about a new band/ album. Even my late discovery of John Mayer was not this big, and I was pretty big on John Mayer. So excited I was about the following band and their debut album that I could hardly contain myself when I told Serena about them.

Introducing SATELLITE PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Granted some of you may have already heard of them, may like or dislike them, but it’s my blog and hence it’s my discovery!! Satellite Party is fronted by Perry Farrell who used to be in bands that I couldn’t care less about.

The lead guitarist is Nuno Bettencourt whose legendary skills can be heard in the song ‘More Than Words’ which is the sappiest song I’ve ever heard ( in a bad way ) and I cringe every time I have to listen to it. So I am glad he grew out of that.

The debut album is ‘Ultra Payloaded‘, released late last month, and it embodies fun, funk, Britpop, weirdness, happiness, a bit of metal, Jamiroquai’s spacey-ness, and I think it contains elements of warm, familiar tunes. Can’t name those tunes to save my life, but there you go.

With song titles like ‘Wish Upon A Dog Star’ ( first single ), ‘Kinky’, ‘The Solutionists’, ‘Awesome’ and ‘Insanity Rains’… I’ve been listening to them for a few days now and I grow more in love with their songs and music. My current favourite tracks are ‘Awesome’ and ‘Woman in the Window’. The latter has a couple lines that go, “Just try and stop us, we’re going to love.”

Yes I’m emo. Whatever.

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I had great expectations and hopes for this movie. Maybe it was the hyped-up marketing, as one CinemaOnline reviewer puts it, maybe because I’d enjoyed Afdlin Shauki’s previous movies and stage acts, maybe because for nationalism purposes I’d wanted it to be so good to sweep me off my heavy feet.

To call a spade a spade, I unfortunately left the cinema hall rather unimpressed, and I’ll tell you why.

Movie synopsis:

Ramlee ( Afdlin Shauki ), a down and out loser accepted a challenge to finish 20 plates of sushi within one minute. He lost the bet, and had to work in the Japanese restaurant ‘Boleh Sushi’ headed by Honda ( Patrick Teoh ) to pay off his debt. Soon he was friends with his colleagues, Haris ( Awie ) and Andy ( Radhi Khalid ), learnt values of hard work and even fall head over heels with Honda’s half-Malay, half-Japanese daughter, Siti ( Inthira Charoenpura ).

Soon Ramlee realised he had been tricked to be the 3rd member of Boleh Sushi’s sumo team, and had to take part in the Malaysian Sushi Association Amateur Sumo Wrestling Championship (MSAASWC). During training, he had an encounter with a member of a rival sumo team, Akira ( Gurmit Singh ) who was also Siti’s ex-flame. Will Ramlee be discouraged, or would he embrace the spirit of ‘nokotta‘ so pimped out in the movie?

The Good: Afdlin Shauki is an awesome comedian. His timing is always spot on, and he played to the stereotypical expectations of a fat person. I liked the introduction to sumo; not sure how accurate it is, but it was interesting to learn something new. The trip to Japan was lovely, but I suppose the credit goes to Japan for having all these bootiful sceneries. But overall I find the movie colourful.

Kartina Aziz as Ramlee’s long-suffering mother was aptly casted. The easy chemistry between Ramlee and Akira (even though they were rivals) was noticeable, maybe because Afdlin and Gurmit had worked before on other projects. I liked their sharp exchanges, had me LOL-ed at times.

Gavin Yap’s portrayal of a damn skinny but punk crazy sumo fighter was funny. I can’t make up my mind if he was maybe out of place, but he definitely provided comic relief. Maybe unintentionally? I don’t know, but the whole cinema LOL-ed at his antics.

The OK: Patrick Teoh’s portrayal as a Japanese dude who made Malaysia his home wasn’t as memorable as I’d hoped it would be, sometimes even frustrating. Reason = they had him speak English like a typical Chinaman, something I thought that could have been done without. I didn’t think it added value to the movie, him enunciating the way he did. Performance-wise, he delivered according to his given role.

Gurmit Singh was funny at times. But during certain scenes when he was acting smug or arrogant, I almost expected him to break out, “DONCH PRAY PRAY AR!!!!!!” I grew up watching this man on Channel/TCS 5 ok.

Everything else: if I didn’t put it in ‘The Good’ or ‘The Bad’, they all fall under ‘The OK’ category.

The Bad: I have a major, major grip with sound. Someone explained to me before how Afdlin directs/ acts in his movies, and does not record sound on-location. I think it is a serious overlook in any movie-making attempts, because IMHO sound is critical and crucial in the deliverance of a movie. I really, really dislike lip-syncing in movies, and throughout Sumolah! I couldn’t help but to wonder how much more I’d enjoyed the movie if it weren’t for the bad sound parts. Lip-syncing is bad. Lip-syncing is annoying. Lip-syncing is fake. Lip-syncing derives the audience of emotional connection with the characters. Nothing can replace sound/ dialogue recorded the same time the roles were acted out. It is just not the same.

Plus if sound was recorded real-time, they could have made do without the extra ‘er… err… heh.. hehh.. ermm..’ produced when they record it in the studio. Acting shy, uncertain and abashed need not be so painful to hear.

Props to Inthira for having to learn and memorise her lines in Malay at such short time, but I thought her character was quite redundant. She is pretty, she looks hot in a kimono, but I’d have preferred her to be given a stronger role. Not to say that being a morally righteous, culturally-aware, hardcore motivator is something to be dissed, but… that’s it? Also her performance was too subdued; perhaps due to her role, but I’d seen Nang-nak and she was brilliant. Erm, you make the connection lah

I also felt Sumolah! tried too hard to emphasise certain moral values, especially at the end of the film. Too much, beb, too much. It was also too long lah… 2 hours 20 minutes… as lengthy as Spiderman 3 but not as much ‘isi-isi penting’ because they were repeated over and over again.

I know that Celcom and Ogawa are the main sponsors of Sumolah! They were also heavily pimped throughout the movie, and at times it was just too much lor. Some parts were like pure advertisements for both Celcom and Ogawa — so much that when Haris was on video-call with his sweetie, I’d expected something like ‘Celcom 3G brings you closer to family and loved ones’. Blah.

I don’t even want to talk about Ogawa’s blatant, in-your-face product placement. Just a note to all advertisers: yes you poured in/ will continue to pour in money to the movie industries, local movies need more support, but please leave the creative control alone kthx.

Overall: Like I’d said, I’d expected better. I hope whatever I’d written will not discourage the people who worked so hard to bring Sumolah! to screen. I know Zona put a lot into the production, you can read their production diaries here. There’s always room for improvement, kan?

I was telling James about the movie, and he asked, “Cicak-man vs. Sumo-lah… who wins?”

In that case, Sumo-lah! wins the best movie of the year, y’all!

(Sumo-lah! is showing in Malaysian cinemas now. Go catch it if you want to, before it is too late, i.e. Pirates 3 coming out and the cinemas get overcrowded.)

For some reason I had the urge to re-read Arthur Golden’s Memoirs of a Geisha ( a book which my cousin might remember belongs to him… did I buy you a new copy? If not, remind me yah ) — definitely one of my favourite books, even if it was factually incorrect (though beautifully written) and incurred the wrath of the geisha whom Golden interviewed.

Then I re-watched the movie inspired by the novel starring the usual Asian suspects, and I remembered why I hated the movie so much.

So for the sake of old arguments (it was a 2005 movie), I would like to reinstate the reasons the movie didn’t do it for me, especially after reading the lovely flow of Golden’s words.

I’ve never liked Zhang Ziyi. I don’t think she can fucking act. The new Gong Li?! Pirahh! I hated her in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, I hated her in Rush Hour 2, I hated her in The Legend of Zu, I hated her in Hero, I hated her in House of Flying Daggers, and I hated her in Memoirs of a Geisha. I didn’t even bother watching The Banquet because I know for sure I’d hate her in it too. Throughout the movies I’ve seen her in, she alternates between 2 facial expressions that denotes her as either a sulking child or a smirking bitch. Niamah, every time she has screen time, I feel like taking a blunt fruit knife to my creamy, slender wrist and very slowly and most painfully carve ‘WHO’S YOUR DADDY?!??’. Freakin’ Sanjaya in a cowboy hat is more entertaining than you, bitch.

Dear Gong Li, I love your older movies, especially your performance in Farewell To My Concubine. Your Chinese accent transports me to an empire long-gone, crushed by the power-hungry rebels and communists. But as the new era dawns and Hollywood beckons, I, a semi-ardent fan among thousands plead you to do us all a favour; stop conversing in English. No one understood what the heck you were on about when you babbled ‘n prattled in MOAG. You lost your awesomeness in the ditty movie. Sad thing is, it didn’t have to be this way. Tell it to their Hollywood faces, fuck you and your attempts to make Asians look bad with lame dialogue; I am sticking to Mandarin, so there bitches. But I don’t think it will happen because even if you so happen to find my blog, you wouldn’t be able to understand it anyway.

Wahai Yang Berbahagia Datuk Michelle Yeoh, you are a fine specimen of a Malaysian who made it big on the international scene. I don’t really know what else you should do, seeing that your last couple of movies really sucked; erm, The Touch, wtf was that all about?!? And the best part of Silver Hawk was Richie Ren doing the KRACK KRACK KRACK KRACKKKKKKKKKK!!!!! I heard Sunshine didn’t make the grade either. Let’s hope you are awesome in Mummy 3. Also, you were a young 43 in 2005 for MOAG. But you weren’t that young for girly-laughing scenes. I hope you kungfu-ed the director for making you look bad.

Ken Watanabe, please marry me. I am yours for the taking. I am going to make you a very happy Samurai, and I shall teach you how to articulate certain English words that you seemed to have so much difficulty with in MOAG.

On second thoughts, you kissed Zhang Ziyi. Perhaps not.

I hate MOAG the movie with a vengeance. It could have been so right. The set, the cinematography, the lighting, the costumes, the make-up were so beautiful. Why did everything else have to be so wrong?! I hate you Rob Marshall. I hate you Robin Swicord. I hate you Steven Spielberg. And I hate you most, Zhang Ziyi. Thanks for nothing.

What’s with me and Malay movies? Heck I don’t even watch that many Chinese flicks anymore (but that is because I think no one can replace Stephen Chow as the slapstick mastah, and Zhang Yimou keeps making artsy-fartsy movies with weak storylines and weaker actors — erm, Jay Chou, wtf herro!!!!!).

Anyway, I caught Jangan Pandang Belakang last week because I didn’t fancy waiting 40 minutes for another movie. Sort of like a spur-of-the-moment purchase. The title is basically the age-old warning not to ‘look behind you’ if you feel that you are not alone, especially since ghosts and spirits are stereotyped to be sneaky beings who would only approach you from behind.

The movie began with a traditional Muslim exorcism, as seen in the photo below:

The evil spirit was captured and put in a bottle (to be thrown into the sea), but the victim died. Fast-forward to a couple months or years (no idea) later, Darma (Pierre Andre) received news that his fiancee, Rose had mysteriously passed away. I kept waiting for the part when he was really grieved, but it never happened. Dude, the woman you are about to marry and spend the rest of your life with just fucking died, show some emotion can or not?!

Anyway the circumstance in which Rose died was mysterious, so Darma and Rose’s twin sister Seri (Intan Ladyana) decided to do some CSI to find out what the fuck happened. Again, Seri perplexed me. Woman, your TWIN SISTER just fucking died, omg show some STRONGER emotion already!!!!! At least Darma cried later a bit, but Seri… omg takde perasaan ke?! Death?? Never coming back?!?!?!?!

But that was the extent of my grip. Mostly kayu acting by the main protagonists, but the rest of the cast were good, if not brilliant.

Moving on… Darma and Seri found a voice message by a terrified Rose, that she thought ’something’ was bothering her. Soon Darma realised that whatever was bothering Rose was bothering him as well. Weird noises in the middle of the night, something knocking furiously at the door and stopped when Darma reached for the door knob, the typical shock shock horror horror suspense suspense stuff associated with ghost movies.

So Darma made a trip back to his hometown to seek help to rid the ‘gangguan’. Along the way, some stuff happened, pretty good even with my eyes closed…

Okay, lazy to write more. So overall of Jangan Pandang Belakang:

The Good: Khatijah Tan, the nenek (opah), nice lighting, shock horror setaraf dengan adegan-adegan yang menyeramkan yang terdapat dalam filem-filem seram Jepun dan Korea…

The OK:: The script and storyline. Sometimes they make sense (good), sometimes they don’t (bad).

The Bad:: Pierre Andre and Intan Ladyana’s acting, or rather the lack of it. Maybe Pierre Andre has found his other calling — he co-wrote the story with some other fella.

Jangan Pandang Belakang is showing in nationwide cinemas now. If you have seen the movie, did you disagree with my thoughts, or you have other opinions? Share lah.

Last Sunday I had the opportunity to watch the movie “CHERMIN“ with fellow bloggers :- TV Smith, PinkPau, Sultan Muzaffar, Faisal Mustaffa and Valarie at KLCC.

To be honest, it wasn’t a movie I would have gone to watch on my own. The trailer was less than impressive, and being a die-hard horror film buff (even though I’m darn scared of them) I’d seen more than enough mirror-related Asian horrors.

Have you ever wondered who is looking back at you in the mirror?

‘Cos I am lazy to summarise the movie, here’s the official synopsis:

Chermin is a horror/suspense thriller about a woman who is haunted by a vengeful spirit trapped in an antique mirror. The plot centers on Nasrin (Natasha Hudson), whose face has been disfigured from a ‘mysterious’ car accident. When her mother Kak Siti (Khatijah Tan) discovers an antique mirror hidden amongst old family heirlooms, Nasrin finds herself strangely drawn to it. Nasrin’s fascination with the mirror turns into obsession and she starts taking on the persona of the mirror spirit, Mastura (Deanna Yusoff). On her quest to regain her past beauty, Nasrin submits herself to the mirror spirit by satisfying the mirror’s need for blood and revenge. Will she able to sacrifice love for vanity? Is she able to look inside herself and see the beauty within? Or is what is reflected in her heart a shadow of the mirror?

Dayum, I hate gossiping villagers too…

The good: The haunting score was awesome, and definitely brought the movie to another level. Sort of like a Red Violin vibe. Award-winning composer Adelina Wong delivered; and hers is a name I will look out for in future. Sound effect/production was also excellent, and I am glad that CHERMIN had the expertise of Addaudio in this area. From the batch of local movies I’ve been watching, I noticed that the ones where they had a hand in was always good when it comes to sound. It may seem a trivial matter to some, but BELIEVE me it is most important in the delivery of the movie. I am sure that most of you have watched movies where the lips don’t sync with the words. That sucks.

The director also use lots of colours in her movie: the combination of that with lighting effects is something I find visually pleasing and different. Reminded me of Hero. I loved the wardrobe, especially those worn by Deanna Yusoff — very traditional, so beautiful, rich in colours and quality (well you could tell if something is expensive). Visual effects were also above average, except for some surreal parts where it seems as if watercolour was dripping down from the edge of the screen.

The set/location was quite good and beautiful as well. The movie was shot in Janda Baik in Pahang; I don’t know exactly where it is, but I would assume it has lots of trees and small roads, perfect as a backdrop. I love the furniture used in the movie. I want some of that (not the mirror though, my own mirror scares me enough as it is).

The car accident scene was done very well. At first I had thought it was a CGI — but then I learnt that it was a real car being wrecked by a trained stuntman. Woah, that’s gotta hurt the pockets

There are some scenes that I felt were really good, for example when the group of women were present for the doa selamat, and when Nasrin eavesdropped on the gossiping villagers.

Khatijah Tan is a top-rate actress. She should get a Suanie Award.

Movie stills from CHERMIN

The OK: The storyline is not something drastically different from what is already present in the movie horror scene. Honestly speaking, I feel that after Shutter, most other shock factors pale in comparison. Well maybe that shouldn’t be a comparison basis; after all Thai movies are so far ahead than ours. But we can always strive to jump the queue, right?

The exorcism ritual reminded me of the famous scene in The Exorcist when the girl was screaming and speaking in a manly voice. Except this one was blood-overload, kinda scary. And the eyes, omg. Give me a choice between a ghost with long hair and a ghost with scary eyes, and I would run to embrace the former. Well of course I would try to run away from both if I could help it…

I would put most of the acting in this OK category, with the exception of Khatijah Tan. Some are OK not bad, some are OK tolerable, some are OK get on with it.

Shit, blood everywhere!!!

The Bad: What’s with the CGI lizard-like devil running around here and there? I felt that was unnecessary, and unintentionally brought comic relief to an otherwise ok horror movie. I couldn’t help but to be reminded of Constantine whenever the thing appeared on screen, and that is not so good because I think Constantine is a damn excellent movie. So after CHERMIN I went home and watched Constantine on DVD. Keanu Reeves can’t act to save his life, but I’d forgive him anyday if he would be the father of my children. Or maybe not, don’t really want my kids to turn out blank and stupid.

Well, I don’t really want kids, period, but that is besides the point.

There was one scene that stupefied me. Hypothetically, if you see your girlfriend appearing out of nowhere in your house in the middle of the night, wearing a nightgown drenched in blood with a zombie look on her face, you would scream and go WTF WTF WTF, right? I don’t know if it is overpowering love and affection that caused Yusuf to calmly express himself along the lines of, “Nazrin, are you ok? Nazrin? Nazrin? Nazrin??” but I doubt it.

Speaking of Yusuf, he was played by Farid Kamil. I was trying to remember why he looked so familiar and where the heck I’d seen him before. Now I remember. Protagonist in Remp-It!!! Sorry, couldn’t place him without the helmet, the bike and the bad lip-synching.

Me, Sultan Muzaffar and Pinkpau with the director of CHERMIN, Zarina Abdullah

We had coffee with Zarina Abdullah, the director of CHERMIN before the movie. I learnt that it was her debut feature film, and I’d say that overall, CHERMIN was quite impressive for a first-time director. Congrats congrats, especially on CHERMIN being accepted at the Udine Far East Film Festival in Italy.

Zarina admitted that she is a shy and soft-spoken person in nature. We learnt that she hails from Kuching, has a civil engineering degree and masters in IT from UK, and prior to CHERMIN had only directed shorts.

I asked her if there was any supernatural incidents on set and she said yes, there were some weird stuff happening. Not to her, but to her actresses and crew. Apparently something was even caught on screen; she didn’t realise it until the post-production guys pointed it out to her. I didn’t notice it, but it was a whitish presence in a car scene that was definitely not supposed to be there.

When asked why she chose to do a horror when the current market is saturated with similar movies, she said that when she did the movie, there weren’t much around, except for the Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam series. It was only recently that we have horrors such as Syaitan, Jangan Pandang Belakang etc so must be a coincidence.

Why spell it CHERMIN and not ‘cermin’? Because the story is based on an old mirror and Zarina wanted the old spelling to reflect its antiquity.

What’s her all-time favourite movies? The Exorcist (naturally), Shawshank Redemption, basically the classics. Zarina said she would have a hard time writing a love story, so maybe later.

TV Smith asked Sultan Muzaffar if he thinks the Yusof Haslam era was over, and the latter said yes. Thank the gods.

I liked Zarina; she was nice, friendly and pleasant. And like I said, CHERMIN was quite an impressive debut for a first-time director — she is only 27 years old to boot! Here’s looking forward to more Zarina Abdullah movies. Go Go GOoOOOOoo!!!!