The funeral of a Grandfather

At the hospital, the mood was solemn. The few patients in the 6-bed ward seemed struck by our grief, the couple who were able to sit up watched us in silence.

The young doctor, whose name is immortalised as the certifier of Grandfather’s death came and talked with my Uncle for a while.

Three nurses closed the curtain around the bed for privacy, softly chattering with each other as they removed the tubes and needles still attached to Grandfather’s body. I observed them through a small opening in the curtain, noted that they were careful and gentle, and was grateful for their sensitivities.

It was late when we left the hospital, past the customary time for dinner. Empty stomachs needed filling, and off we went to the riverside hawker centre.

Grandmother was restless. There were things that needed to be done before the mortuary van reaches Sri Gading with Grandfather’s body. The prayer altar containing a statue of the Avalokitesvara Boddhisatva, along with the furniture in the living room had to be brought to the back of the house. The curtains needed to be replaced with white ones. Water had to be boiled to make Chinese tea; when Grandfather’s body arrives home, the tea has to ‘served’ with a greeting, “Father, have some tea!”

A call was made to my Aunt who assured Grandmother that all these were being taken care of. Only then was she able to eat in peace.

Grandfather's slippers
Grandfather’s slippers. It was a fun day in December ’14 when we shopped for a new pair of slippers. Duck rice was involved.

They laid Grandfather down in the living room, then proceeded to prepare his body for the funeral. He was already cleaned up in the hospital mortuary, so it was just a matter of changing his clothes and putting on a bit of make-up so that he wouldn’t look so… you know, dead.

My Cousin pointed out to a dragonfly that rested faithfully next to Grandfather’s body. He said that it came in when the van arrived, and had not left since. Someone, my Aunt perhaps remarked that Grandfather was born in the year of the Dragon. We were left with our own imagination of what that implied.

Dragonfly that came in with Grandfather's body
The dragonfly that came in with Grandfather. Photo by my Cousin.

That same night, we discovered Grandmother’s true strength. As she was coping with losing her husband of 70 years, she diligently went through the brochure for different funeral packages, and negotiated for the best possible deal with the funeral director. It was amazing to watch, I’d never seen this steely side of her.

Grandmother selecting funeral package
Grandmother with the funeral director

The next day, I had to return to the city. There were clothes to be packed and work stuff to be handed over.

My Cousin and I had a few photos of Grandfather that we thought should be printed and framed. They were mostly of him surrounded by his children and grandchildren, when he was at his happiest. That was how he should be remembered.

Fireangel, bless her, accompanied me for the afternoon and helped with this task.

Fireangel with a photo of Suanie's grandfather

At first, I was afraid that Grandmother may be displeased. Would she be offended by the photos? Some people have this taboo of placing photos of a recently deceased. Or would she be further driven by grief? I had not asked for her permission to place the photos in her house.

Back in Sri Gading, I grabbed her hands and went, “POPO, I DID SOMETHING BUT YOU MUST PROMISE NOT TO SCOLD ME OKAYYY!”

She chuckled, her little eyes disappearing as she smiled, and said, “IF YOU SAY LIKE THAT, THEN I MUST SCOLD YOU FIRST!”

Turns out, she liked the framed photographs. So that went well.

Family photos on display

The Buddhist-style funeral would go on for 5 days. The coffin bearing Grandfather’s body was placed in the living room, with a piece of glass in between to prevent rapid decomposition. A plug-in device played the soothing chants of Namo Omi Tuo Fo. There were a couple of times when I sat there alone and found solace in the constant chanting.

Many times we stood by the coffin and marveled at how black and healthy Grandfather’s hair was, amazing for an 88-year old. He had on the same suit that he wore while receiving the PPN award, presented by the then-Agong, the Sultan of Pahang. On his lips stood a cultured pearl that my Sister had picked out earlier. According to custom; not sure whose, the pearl is meant to be the soul’s guiding light.

Throughout the funeral, a Buddhist monk from Johor Bahru presided over the rites. He was rather old, but had a kind and calming sense about him. A popular monk, he was Grandmother’s first choice; she was loathed to think of a second option. I was glad that the kindly monk’s schedule allowed him to be available for Grandfather.

Or rather, for Grandmother. You see, Grandfather was quite the agnostic.

Monk praying at Grandfather's funeral

All of Grandfather’s 7 children were able to make it back for his funeral, including my Aunt in Australia who booked the first available flight out when she heard the news. Most of Grandfather’s grandchildren and great-grandchildren were present too. Those who could not make it mourned in far away places.

I shan’t name names, but I know one of them burst out crying in the streets of Sydney, with mascara running down her face…

…Min Min… 😛

There were nightly prayers. We had catered vegetarian food most of the time, except in the mornings when we walked out for our favourite roti canai. We had chores, one of which was to delay the wilting of flowers; it was a few hot days. We laughed as we watched our Little Cousin Aaron spray water at the flowers to keep them fresh, then out of curiosity, sprayed water at the burning incense too.

Grandmother at Grandfather's funeral
Married for 70 years, till death did them apart.

Quite a few people turned up at the funeral to pay their last respects. Most of Grandfather’s friends were already gone by then, but their children came in their places.

Close relatives. Distant relatives. Friends of the children. Representatives from groups and associations. The eve of the cremation was so busy, the funeral bursting with people that the catered food almost ran out.

Grandfather who loved people, would have loved his funeral.

People paying last respects at Grandfather's funeral

On the fifth day, it was time for Grandfather to leave Sri Gading for the last time.

The car bearing his coffin rolled along the main road, past the shops and food stalls that Grandfather knew so well. Some people paused their daily on-goings to watch our procession go by. No more will Mr Lim ride his trusty, rusty bicycle up and down this familiar road, no sir.

Funeral procession going through Sri Gading main road

And no more shall we see Grandfather sitting at the swing in front of the house, watching friends and neighbours pass by, waiting for his children and grandchildren to visit him.

Lim Kheng Siang leaving Sri Gading for the last time

It was the end of a chapter in our lives, of having Grandfather alive in the village and community that he lived in, helped build and loved.

He was very much loved, and he will be missed.

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Comments

  1. A good life is a blessing. Omitofu.

  2. That’s a vivid report.
    I missed Dad.
    I believe folks in Sri Gading also missed the guy they greeted as Ah Kong (grand dad).

  3. Condolences Suan. I certainly admire your grandma. She actually could negotiate with the funeral director despite her grief.

    When my kongkong passed away, I was surprised that my grandma too made the decisions quite independently never mind that there were plenty of kids around to help. All she said was she’s the eldest of the remaining wives so she will make all funeral decisions and the kids even from the older deceased wives will have to obey even if they disagree.

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