Recipe for Lance’s Life-Changing Creamy Clam Chowder

How’s 2013 going so far for you? All your enthusiasm for the new year got you pumped up, raring to go, all geared up for tomorrow’s big adventure? Well lookie here, Lance’s Life-Changing Creamy Clam Chowder will bring you the next level of readiness! A bowl or ten of this sinfully delicious chowder will awaken the giant within you, Anthony whaaat?

It’s just the beginning of the year and it’s all gone to the dogs… already? You poor thing… what you need is Lance’s Life-Changing Creamy Clam Chowder to bring back rainbows, summer clouds, magical unicorns, love-filled pumping hearts, delightful rays of sunshine into your wonderful, wonderful existence!

Ambivalent about your feelings on the new year? Lance’s Life-Changing Creamy Clam Chowder will help you choose a side! Don’t care either way? With Lance’s Life-Changing Creamy Clam Chowder, you WILL give a damn! =D

And you’re in luck for Lance has given the go-ahead (2 years ago, heh) to share his Life-Changing Creamy Clam Chowder!

It is very unfortunately non-halal but if you could make it appropriate for our Muslim friends by removing the offending ingredients of bacon and wine. Just substitute with more stock else it would be… weird.

Here we go… the recipe for…

Lance’s Life-Changing Creamy Clam Chowder

You’ll need:

- olive oil
- 1 bottle white wine (dry)
- 2 cans clams meat with clam juice
- 2 cans evaporated milk
- 1 jar heavy cream
- 3 medium onions, chopped finely
- 6 celery, chopped finely
- 5 or 6 bacon strips, chopped
- 2 potatoes, chopped finely
- 1 litre beef stock, slightly more if required
- 2 or 3 bay leaves
- fresh thyme, a handful
- fresh dill, a handful
- packet of mussels, optional

1) Heat oil in big pot. Put in onions, celery and bacon to cook for a few minutes.
2) Add clam juice without the clam meat.
3) Add evaporated milk and heavy cream.
4) Add the potatoes.

5) Add the thyme and bay leaves.
6) Add the bottle of wine, let it boil for a couple of minutes.
7) Add the beef stock.
8) Let it boil for 30 minutes.

Boiling chowder

9) Simmer for another 30 minutes.
10) Use a hand blender or food processor, blend your chowder till almost smooth. If you don’t have a blender or food processor, you must chop the ingredients really finely and pray the best, lulz =P
11) Add the mussels, dill and clam meat
12) Simmer for a couple of minutes.

And it’s ready to be eaten with toast, mmmm! Oh, and add some black pepper if you want to.

Lance and his clam chowder

Enjoy! If this clam chowder doesn’t change your life, NOTHING WILLL!!!!!11111111 *evil laugh*