I hate leeches.
They are gross, disgusting parasites.
I see no reason for their existence.
If I could rid the world of leeches, I would.
Traditional and modern medicine would have to find other ways.
Seriously, anything that sucks blood isn’t good for you.
Leeches, mozzies, bats, bedbugs, vampires…
Trust me, you’d do well to avoid all of them.
Why do I loathe leeches?
Because I’ve never liked slimy bloodsucking bastards.
Don’t know why I dated some… but that’s besides the point.
In my most-hated list, leeches is pretty much up there.
It ranks higher than frogs, snakes and even lizards.
And we know how much I hate lizards.
Actually you know what, it may be a tie.
I don’t know what is worse: stuck with a leech or lizard.
I hope that day never comes.
Every other guide says that leeches are a sign that it’s a good forest.
That we shouldn’t panic or freak out if they latched themselves on us.
And not scream because the leeches would not be able to hear us anyway.
Very funny har bloody har.
I made a pun, har bloody har har har.
Well I say screw that.
If a leech gets to me, you bet I’d scream.
Maybe not a full scream because I try to maintain cool, you know.
But definitely a yelp, a shriek, a shout.
Anyone near me would be able to hear it.
That would be their cue to come to my aid.
Because I’d have frozen in my spot and unable to move.
I’m sure there’s a description for that.
Oh yeah, coward.
But so what?
I can handle other pests relatively fine.
Give me a roach or a rat anytime.
I’ll chase and beat the shit out of them.
Give me a spider, a fly, mou man tai.
But damn you leeches for making my life hell.
Making me think twice about outdoor jungle activities.
Making me look bad when I cower in your presence.
Damn you, you suck.
I hate you.