Today I had an epiphany. Or something to that effect, because I spent all of 10 seconds thinking about it before reaching out for my toothbrush. It dawned upon my great self that my great life would have been lalaland perfect (as in ‘I’m lucky to be alive with all limbs attached’ perfect, not ‘I’m a multi-millionaire and I live in a great mansion and I am a celebrity ala insert-famous-celebrity-name-here’ perfect) IF ONLY I had the following three things:
1) Great screw-you looks. Forget the ‘you are beautiful in your own way’ looks. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, some can be beautiful if you look really hard. That wasn’t nice, you say? Oh sorry, please put your hands together for reality. If I had the option when being reincarnated to choose what kind of looks I’d like to have in my next life, believe you me that I would have ticked the ‘perfectly symmetrical facial features, drop dead gorgeous’ field.
Fact: Pleasant looking people usually get a jump start in life. Dirt poor growing up? You’d be the first one to be married off, to the neighbouring village’s equivalent of a tycoon. Born with a diamond-encrusted silver spoon? And you are complaining because… ? I don’t understand the utter misery of being rich and beautiful but lonely? Please, come over here and I’ll gladly switch places with you. No charge.
2) Great mathematical knowledge and skills. If there was one thing I regretted most in high school, it was not paying attention to algebra in Form 1. Little did I know that it would be the beginning of my poor understanding of math and a lifetime of blank looks when people talk about trigonometry. Until today I do not know how to get ‘x’ from the weird combining, deducting, multiplying or dividing of ‘a’, ‘b’, ‘c’, ‘d’, ‘e’, ‘f’ etc. I suck so bad, it’s not funny.
3) Great hair that I do not need to dye every now and then. Actually this was the point of my blog post — as Chinese New Year is coming soon, I went to buy a couple boxes of hair dye because I was not blessed with a head of natural dark brown hair. They started turning white in my late teens and because I’m vain like that, I have my hair dyed.
So they have this range of colours that says: Iced Latte, Cafe Latte, Praline, Butterscotch, Black Cherry, Terracotta, Golden Honey… you know, shades that go beyond light/dark brown, lighter/darker brown and lightest/darkest brown. I suppose in a couple of days I’ll have Chocolate-coloured hair. It’s quite stupid lah, but so is this blog post. Damn anti-climax right?