we can’t be friends if you own a pet chimp

Not a month ago was this woman in Stamford, Connecticut (in America, of course) who called 911, frantically begging for them to go over her house and shoot her pet chimp because he was ‘killing her girlfriend’. The 15-year old 90kg chimpanzee, Travis who had lived with owner, 70-year old Sandra Herold since infancy had brutally attacked Herold’s friend, 55-year old Charla Nash who was visiting Herold at her home. You can Google or YouTube for Herold’s 911 call which was released by the police department. It is rather horrific to listen to when you think of the poor friend lying on her back, her nose, face and jaw being bitten off by the chimp. News reports say that Nash may never recover, may go blind and may have permanent brain damage from the attack.

But seriously… wasn’t that a tragedy just WAITING to happen? I know people get attached to their pets and stuff, allowing them to sleep in the same bed at night and have mutual masturbation orgies all that, but we are mostly talking about dogs, cats and maybe the occasional gerbil. You know, animals that usually don’t literally eat your face.

Chimpanzees as portrayed in certain movies and TV shows are cute, intelligent, sensitive and almost human-like. They are. If I were to make my life’s decisions based on Hollywood movies, I’d get myself a pet chimp too because some humans can’t do better. However, chimpanzees are also wild animals, not to be domesticated. In general, they are 5 to 7 times stronger than us. They are naturally aggressive creatures. They have large, dagger-like, canine teeth. Chimpanzees in captivity are more dangerous than those in the wild because they learn that they are stronger than humans. All things considered, isn’t having a pet chimp akin to a ticking time bomb? Figuratively speaking, you are safer with a gorilla at home.

Not convinced that you are better off wasting away for the rest of your lonely, miserable life than to own a pet chimpanzee? How about the fact chimps have bitten off more fingers than you could ever hope to possess, and the only reason they don’t tell you this is because these chimps were kept in captivity for research reasons? Or that this particular chimp Travis bit another woman’s hand in 1996? She was also stupid lah, she tried to pet him. Not to mention that Herold had given Travis tea laced with Xanax earlier in the day because he was ‘acting up’. Actually no need for all that; just google for a list of chimpanzee attacks and maybe some people would understand why wild animals are called just that.

Actually I don’t know why I was so affected by this news. I read about it last night, and heard the 911 call. Then I was so dumbfounded that I couldn’t sleep till 3 a.m. Maybe that’s why.



  1. ShadowFox says:

    Yes, lonely women should adopt a fox instead. *wink*

  2. scary news. animal is always animal. human is sometimes animal also.

  3. Mellissa says:

    Ugh, never gonna happen for me. I hate monkeys (all types, all sizes, EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!) with a violent passion!

  4. Apart from all that, I’ve got two words:

    Michael Jackson.

  5. SF: musang di sebalik batu? 😛

    horng: wild animal is always wild animal. too bad some people can’t comprehend

    mell: you know, i have a one-liner… which is a bit cruel so i won’t say it hehehehe

    suertes: MJ had a full-fledged trainer to look after bubbles

  6. It’s scary how stupid some people are.

  7. I was more like saying, apart from all that, you don’t want a chimp because you’d end up looking like MJ..

  8. mell: noted. :X

  9. Giant Sotong says:

    Chimps, tigers, poisonous snakes… They think all animals are capable of human love. All Disney’s fault. No eye see.

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