on why i didn’t add you as a facebook friend

One of my problems is that I almost always find it difficult to say ‘no’ to people. When I do have to do it, I’d become most apologetic to the point where you’d think that it was my fault in the first place. You see, I like to be nice or at least be seen as a nice person. My desire for acceptance more often than not leads to acquiescence. Doormat, anyone?

I’m very much aware of this unfortunate peculiarity. Although I’d long gotten over the mild physical obsessive-compulsive disorder traits, there are bits that remain in my brain. To get into that is a long, unnecessary thesis, so let’s just say that I over analyse people, characters, words, gestures and actions in my head, rinse and repeat.

And here I am doing it again. I’d wanted to share with you an article I read over at TechCrunch – The Meaning of Friendship which was a commentary add-on to another article at the Wall Street Journal – OMG, We’re Not BFFs Anymore? Getting ‘Unfriended’ Online Stings. Instead, I’ve been rambling on about… uh, me. Shouldn’t be surprisingly, really; seeing that I am, or at least I should be the most interesting subject on this blog.

Initially my rules for Facebook were simple — add only those whom I know in the off-line world. Or bloggers whom I’ve had on-line interaction with since forever (translation = year 2005). Twitter is a different creature — it’s knowingly public, else I wouldn’t have set up and continue to manage my Twitter account. My ego calls for you to know what I am doing every minute of the day.

I hold Facebook to different standards. You see, the little rules that I’d created in my head to make myself feel better (read 2nd paragraph) dictate that Facebook is personal and should remain that way. By personal, I mean that I have no qualms about you accessing certain information such as where I used to work, where I am currently working, what I am currently doing, where I am currently living, my current mobile number, as well as viewing the tonnes of embarrassing and unflattering photos of me in public.

Right now, I’d say that out of the 400+ ‘friends’ on my Facebook account, there are 20 or so whom I don’t quite remember knowing, or I don’t quite want to know them again. Or to be brutally honest, we simply weren’t that close enough for me to give a shit about what and how you are doing in life. Real, face-to-face, off-line life is easier — you just ‘forget’ to keep in touch. Or you wouldn’t have kept in touch in the first place because c’est la vie. Now almost every Tom, Dick, Harry and their dogs are on Facebook and sometimes the escape route seems too rude so you just opt for the easy way out by clicking ‘yes’.

Actually I know for sure that those 20 odd people don’t read my blog, so I am rambling away randomly while waiting for something at work to be done. It’s done now, so I am going home. Bye.

comments

Comments

  1. Go delete those 20 people NOW!

  2. 20 people sounds very kind, actually. I would have thought a cull rate of 20% would be the norm for those “today is the day to unfriend” kind of campaigns… heh heh!

  3. facebook is a very very dangerous thing, especially if you put in details about your workplace, your place of residence, your contact number…even your email addresses! and photos…good grief the photos! i’m sure people won’t mind that much if you delete them. chances are, they have a list of 20 people whom they don’t know but added out of polite-ness as well.

  4. hahaha…have been reading your blog quite sometime.. now i know why i added in u in Fb long long time ago but till now no respond….

  5. Half the people that are on my list are people that I got to know from the various tournaments. Alot of them are like omgwtfdoievenknowyou and while it inflates the numbers, I would hardly consider them friends.

    I got recently unfriend’ed by this fellar that added me before WCG.MY 2008. While he was considered a friend, he didnt understand that work is work and if I have to scream at you during work, boy oh boy you must be farking things up big time.

    On the last day of the event, during the tear down, hounded by MVEC management to get the fark out and the transporters waiting for us to finish packing our stuff, I finally got pissed off by his attitude and in front of everyone I shouted at him to stop wasting everyone’s time and stop whining.

    A few days later I discovered that he removed me from his list. =P I LOL’ed.

  6. I will usually delete these friends that I no longer know or can’t remember how I have added them into my facebook.

  7. ST: interestingly, someone had deleted me since this blog post. the only reason i know is because i checked earlier when writing this, and i just checked again 5 mins ago

    suertes: 20 off the top of my head. maybe more maybe less, heh

    lishun: that’s why my personal info isn’t there. i’m learning how to untag photos of me :P

    sim: hehaehae sorry :) it’s really nothing personal!

    spongefox: hahaha well can’t hardly blame them. i’d imagine, younger people?

    eiling: i thought i wanted to do that. but i go lazy at page 2 or so… so now i try not to add people whom i very obscurely know. like, from my past :P

  8. only 20… that’s a bit small right…!?

    anyway, i heard one person in my company is on the verge of getting fired becos of facebook status function… facebook is fast becoming a dangerous tool.

  9. i am thinking of deleting some of the contacts in my facebook as well. also need to set some privacy to certain ppl. too many pictures in there already.

  10. i know this more than those who’ve met you in such a short time as i did, on the kind of person you are, and I’d say you’re very unpretentious and loving, so much so that I know you won’t sit for people who you think isn’t worth it simply because you’re so nice (maybe too nice?) and you can’t really stop yourself from supporting your friends even during the toughest of times, unless things really get out of hand, that is.

    it is for that very reason that I won’t ever forget the friend you are to me :) and in doing so I hope I’ll never be that 20 something figure waiting to be removed should you bother to do so one day hehe :P

  11. just delete d 20 of them la.. they wont even know who is missing from their list cos these days ppl just add every tom, dick n donkey even if they dont know them…

    i too add only d ppl i know… if i receive a request from someone i dont know.. i dont approve anyways… :P

  12. A month ago, I culled my FB to 200 plus people.

    Now it just hit 343 because, well, my social life ramped up suddenly. I still get weird requests from people I’ve never met…and people I don’t want to meet again, ever!

    Just say no, say no…

  13. I think Ringo said she has something like 700+ on “waiting” list. lol

  14. You are inspiring me to delete. Heads are gonna roll.

  15. zewt: off the top of my head lah. heh tell me the story ar!

    horng: haahah yeah you told us :P

    chriso: aww thank you for your kind words :)

    chumi: these days i don’t approve, right after i send them a msg asking them who they are (usually they don’t reply)

    erna: have to keep reminding myself that!

    ky: hahahha mass ignore!

    davidlian: hope your unfriended friends won’t find me here :P

  16. facebook’s feature is getting too out of hand. poke you poke me, send u present, say hi to you…… harlo. i got a phone ok.. call me.

  17. Well, the friend list allows you to group people, which is why I have a group for on-line gamers only, so if I stop playing those games I can just delete them. :-)

  18. You can have different profiles for different ‘friends’. So those that you don’t really want to see all of your details, photos, etc., you can put on ‘Limited profile’ which you define.

  19. “Wife murdered for Facebook status”
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/staffordshire/7845946.stm

    Argh :/

  20. aeroplane: mantra: ignore ignore ignore!

    dabs: it’s a bit too much work for me

    julian: haha read that! some people…

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