what may never be

For reasons beyond my comprehension, our Deputy Prime Minister, Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak has a new and active Twitter account. I don’t know why, but I laughed for a good 2 minutes about it. It just tickled my funny bone.

Then I decided to use my lunch hour to make a quick parody of it.

Parody of Najib Razak's Twitter page
Click on the image above for a larger version

Welcome to Web 2.0, Datuk Seri ;) All in good humour, yah… I don’t like the thoughts of Kamunting.

rainbows, ridiculousness and raisins

Apparently some people saw a rainbow (or two) yesterday around Kelana Jaya. Saw their tweets, and felt a pang of envy. I’ve always liked rainbows. Maybe because Care Bears had lots and lots of rainbows, and it was one of my favourite childhood cartoons.

It also reminded me of this video that I watched a couple of months ago — behold the sprinkler rainbow conspiracy!

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So what did you think about Datuk Shah Rukh Khan? On one hand, it’s normal to be honoured for various contributions, even if you are not local to the place or country. The Queen has certainly done that many times — Bill Gates, Bob Geldof, Bono, Steven Spielberg, Rudolph Giuliani, Lee Kuan Yew, Nelson Mandela, Tunku Abdul Rahman, Tun Abdul Razak… just to name a few. Of course one may argue that it is not really appropriate to place an honorary knighthood and a Datukship in the same category, but there you go.

On the other hand, it is going to cost Melaka taxpayers money to fly Datuk Shah Rukh Khan here to receive his award. Flight tickets for him and his posse, accommodation, dinner parties… all for a movie scene shot at the Melaka A Farmosa Resort where a golf course looks like any other golf course with its chemically-enhanced green grass and… uh, water and stuff.

Why not accord Sean Connery the same title then? Even though scenes of Malaysia in Entrapment were geographically-incorrect, it still did more to highlight the country than a standard golf course. How about the people who painstakingly created and edited the Wikipedia entry for Melaka? How about the hordes of Singaporeans who travel to Melaka on weekends to visit temples and restaurants, contributing much to the local economy? How about Jason Mumbles who has influenced many people to visit Melaka for the sinfully-delicious mille crepe (whose link happens to be the #1 result on google.com.my)? Since we are giving out Datukships so freely and easily now, how about ME for always telling foreign friends to visit Melaka for its quaintness, history and food? I deserve a shiny badge all for myself, no?

They should really think about it.

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Ryan wants to feed you a raisin.

Ryan wants to feed you a raisin

rain rain go away, fuck off and never come back

Yesterday I drove nearly 3 hours getting to and back from Hulu Kelang via the MRR2. If anyone needs further proof that our road system and planning is crazy, please go take a cruise along the MRR2. Heavy monsoon rain or not, the ins and outs are so badly implemented, creating countless bottlenecks that don’t make sense.

We also spotted one of these phony Syabas water pipes that dot Cheras’ skyline…

Humongous phony water pipe along MRR2
Ugly or fucking ugly?

That monstrosity sits atop a Syabas water storage tank; the entire structure must be more than 2 times the height of most buildings in Cheras. I can’t begin to describe how ridiculous the whole thing is.

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Before the drive to Hulu Kelang, I was at Lucky Loke @ SS3 waiting for KY to have his late lunch. It was raining heavily when I reached, and it progressively got worse. Suddenly a few customers dashed outside because…

October rain - SS3
Jakun people never see rain before?

We saw some people at a house further down the road trying their best to keep the flooding in their house at a minimum level.

October rain - flash flood 01
Hard at work

October rain - flash flood 02
10x optical zoom rocks

I read that Kg. Chempaka got the worse of it. Luckily the rain wasn’t so bad today.

On Friday evening, I was driving home taking my usual route when I realised that I could be very well and truly fucked. It was raining fell beasts and the road in front of me was flooded. I had no choice but to keep going; at one point I could feel the water swirling underneath my car. Two things that kept playing in my mind were:

1) “Remember to keep pressing the gas pedal if you are ever stuck in a flood… this is to keep the water out of the exhaust pipe,” said Dad a few years ago.

2) I didn’t renew my flood insurance for this year.

you are more likely to die from a car accident than wi-fi radiation

It’s true. FA nearly died this morning and she is none too happy about it. It’s not a surprise really, seeing how many people bribe their way to obtain a driver’s license in this country. It has been over a decade since I sat for my driver’s license test, but I still remember the case of a woman in my batch. I guess she was in her mid-thirties or early-forties, couldn’t read or understand much Bahasa Malaysia and had some eyesight problems. Not the type that requires spectacles mind you, but the type that makes you unable to differentiate between red, green and yellow. But guess what? She passed all her tests! :D

When I sold off my Proton Iswara a couple of years ago, it fetched a slightly lower price. After discounting the price reduction from a major car accident (somehow they always manage to find out, even after you sneakily fixed up the car to be all nice, functional and pretty), the used car dealer told me the price she was buying it for, and “it’s less a bit lah… because Johor plate number mah. People here don’t want one… “.

I don’t know if you are guilty of the following, but I am. Whenever someone is being an asshat on the road, I’d look at the car number plate. If it’s not from KL or Selangor, I’d angrily mutter, “Damn Penang/ Johor/ Melaka/ Terengganu etc drivers…”, never mind that I am far from receiving the Model Driver of the Year award. Hah, don’t lie, I know most of you do that too!

Penangnites have a reputation for being efficient or terrible drivers, depending on how you look at it, that is. Have you driven in Penang Island before? You must try it someday — it is truly an experience. Part of the problem is because of the poor road system and planning (same problem we have here in KL), and the other part is… I don’t know, insane drivers’ genes maybe? Let’s not even begin to talk about the motorcyclists.

Have you ever been in a car accident? I have, and I am very happy that I can be here to blog about it (as opposed to blogging as a ghost). But seriously, what are our chances of not getting ourselves into car accidents, huh? Huge torrential rains that totally fucks up your line of sight. Vehicle owners who don’t take care of their vehicles, resulting in damaged brake/ indicator lights etc. Cars and vans more than 20 years old still zipping around town, with owners almost harbouring a death wish (because it wouldn’t matter if the vehicle is totaled). Motorists and passengers not wearing seat belts, motorcyclists and passengers not wearing helmets. Motorcyclists who do not use the motorbike lanes and insist on taking up the entire lane by driving at 30kph. Motorists who drive at 40kph when they should be driving at 90kph. Motorists who drive at 140kph when they should be driving at 90kph. Not to mention our brilliant road and town planning that sees you ending up in bottleneck traffic jams around the city.

How badly did you curse when you found yourself inching along Federal Highway, only to find out 8km later that one single stalled car was the cause of your time loss and aggravation?

Ah well. Like I said, I am probably no less innocent than you on the road. Looking at statistics, I might end up flattened on a Malaysia road one day. But I still have to get around, so like it or not, I’ll have to take my chances.

I’ll tell you this much though — I feel safer staying at home being on-line via Wi-Fi than driving on Malaysian roads. The same reason why I feel safe using a mobile phone (of course I don’t use just any ciplak brand ;) ), and when I nuke leftovers using the microwave.

Because, come on… seriously? You and I are more likely to die from a car accident than Wi-Fi radiation.

Read this: Wi-Fi – Penang gov’t doing the right thing

eyeris is so great

Eyeris is so great, his world is a flood and he slowly becomes one with the mud.

Eyeris is so great, he lost his religion while in the corner and in the spotlight.

Eyeris is so great, he’s been drinking wine in Hotel California since 1969.

Eyeris is so great, he will try to fix you.

Eyeris is so great, his friends are so depressed and he feels the question of their loneliness.

Eyeris is so great, he started a revolution from his bed.

Eyeris is so great, he’s got a black magic woman.

Eyeris is so great, he burns down the highway skyline on the back of a hurricane.

Eyeris is so great, he’s got on hand in his pocket and the other giving a peace sign.

Eyeris is so great, he has no time to say goodbye.

Eyeris is so great, he’s halfway there and living on a prayer.

Eyeris is so great, he killed the radio star.

Eyeris is so great, he moved the refrigerators and colour TVs.

Eyeris is so great, he woke up before September ended.

Eyeris is so great, he shook his meat to the beat.

Eyeris is so great, he knows why Samson loved Delilah.

Eyeris is so great, he’s signed sealed delivered and yours.

Eyeris is so great, he sleeps with common people.

Eyeris is so great, he stopped a baby’s breath and a shoe full of rice.

Eyeris is so great, he found what he was looking for.

Eyeris is so great. I like Eyeris because he is so great.