11 songs that make me want to slit my wrist
Following BBC News Magazine’s article on songs allegedly used by American interrogators to mentally torture Iraqi POWs, I thought I’d come up with a similar list of my own. It isn’t that difficult; just a matter of unlocking some parts of my brain to remember certain songs that would make me reach for a carving knife and decorate myself ala The Joker. I exaggerate of course, but ever so slightly.
Before all that, insert necessary spiel on how: this is my blog + my list + mine mine mine + if you don’t like it + if you disagree + if you violently object to my selection = I really don’t give that much of a shit. Go make up your own suicide-inducing song list.
But if you agree with my list, then I probably like you. A lot.
Having said all that, you will notice that I skipped out on the Simple Plans, Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montanas and Jessica Simpsons. The first two because I can’t stand ALL their songs anyway, the third because I am not a teenager, and the fourth because I respect good music.
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11. Don’t Worry, Be Happy - Bobby Mcferrin
Unless you are Jason Mraz or Monty Python, whistling in any form pisses me off. It makes me want to shove my hand down your throat and seize your larynx because you are not using it as the great almighty intended for it to be used. If you whistle around me, I probably hate it and my skin would crawl up inside me. But I am too polite to tell it to your face.
10. Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne
Hey hey, you you I don’t like your girlfriend
No way, no way I think you need a new one
Hey hey, you you I could be your girlfriend
Oh, you needed elaboration?
9. My Humps - Black Eyed Peas
I tried to give this song a second chance, seeing that I am generally okay with Black Eyed Peas’ tunes. Locked and loaded on my Winamp, hit ‘Play’, then shit happened. From a near distance, I heard mortar-fired shells as I dived into my bunker fearing for my will-be-useful-soon life. Over at Antarctica, thousands of Emperor penguins found strength in their wings and flew off in protest over unpaid royalty from La Marche de l’empereu. McDonalds serve zero calorie. Anwar was arrested. It will take untold catastrophes for people to realise that some things aren’t meant to be.
8. Stole - Kelly Rowland
Indeed, Greg and Mary could have been something greater if not for unexplained acts of violence that wrecked their futures. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. As Kelly Rowland tried to shake off Beyonce’s larger-than-life career, she brazenly sent a message to kids that they should stay in school and pay attention to their English lessons so they could prove her wrong when they grow up. Hopefully she did mean that, else it would be a fucking embarrassment to have the line “her life was stole” in pop existence. Go back to school, bitch.
7. Crank Dat - Soulja Boy
Does anyone dig’ what da fuq Soulja Boy wuz mouthing about? Does anyone dig’ da viral video movement dat exploded on MySpace an’ YouTube? Lemme know ‘n shit.
6. In The End - Linkin Park
Then, 2001. Now, 2008. Get over it, clubs.
5. Butterfly - Crazy Town
Refer to #6.
4. I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry
How annoying is that song? Especially when the Malaysian censorship board cut out the ‘girl’ part? Who seriously cares? A lot of girls will be bi-curious at some point in their lives. Half of them will do nothing about it, and the other half will pursue it their own ways. While the statistics are my own, there are only 2 categories for girls who kiss other girls: a) girls who kiss girls because they are lesbians, bisexuals and/or bi-curious; and b) girls who kiss girls in front of men who think that girls who kiss girls are so hot z0mg let me fuck two lesbians now. Katy Perry strikes me as someone who belongs in Cat B and that pisses me to no end because I hate people who act out just to get someone else’s attention. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
3. We Built This City - Jefferson Starship
There was a time when I really loved this song and I had it on repeat at work, in my car and at home. That is why I deem myself most qualified to spread the word that this song will make you go crazy on infinity loop (hi Bob). Run for the hills, grab your women and children and save yourselves from the song most consistently voted as one of the worst in history. Be a survivor like me, say cheese!
2. Sara - Starship
I once knew a girl with the same name as the song title. She claimed this song to be her favourite because it reminded her of… her. Such audacity in self-worshiping cannot and will never escape my notice. Unfortunately it also reminded me of her ever since then and I can’t think of a worse way than being forced to do that for a long, long time.
1. My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
The white bitch wins. I will tell you everything I know.
Honourable Mention:
Umbrella by Rihanna, Marie Digby, Manic Street Preachers and just about anyone lame enough to sing, remix, and/or perform this piece of highly annoying crap.
RIHANNA. I HATE RIHANNA. ISHE MAKES ME WANT TO STAB MY SKULL WITH A FUCKING SPOON.
insert whiny solo/ boy bands as well.
Hmm.. didn’t see any boyband songs in the list
Suanie = boyband lover?
sean kingston? His voice is a bit too… i dunno.. weird? Especialy if you hear every radio station playing it to bits…
Anything by that James @#”*#ing Blunt especially You’re Beautiful. Played repeatedly I’d even confess to being sodomised by you know who.
Malaysian Artists United’s dumb shit song.
That’s one way to drive me up the wall.
Yucks!
Someone please put bullets into their skulls.
‘Go make up your own suicide-inducing song list.’
Um … I just need to stop taking the medication. No songs needed.
11. Don’t worry, be happy … I didn’t mind the song when it first came out, but it was over played to the point that it is now nauseating. Also, I hate it when I’m down because it just makes me feel like I’m the only one feeling depressed in the whole wide world.
10. Avril Latrine is okay. Well, she’d be humpable if she didn’t seem like such a little girl. But, I quite like her songs. Just, people don’t like me singing girlfriend, ripping their girlfriends from their arms and start humping their legs. Must be my singing!
4. I kissed a girl. Well, I don’t mind the song, but it is corny to the max. I prefer my version, ‘I kissed a horse’
[Hopefully you'll allow me this blatant link to my own blog, but I did blog it a while ago].
3. We Built This City. Thought they were Starship by that stage, having dropped the ‘Jefferson’ part. They were much better when they were young, sex crazed and on drugs. Starship is what they sound like UNDRUGGED!!!
One pill will make you taller,
And one will make you small,
And the pills that mother gives you,
Don’t do anything at all.
Go ask Alice,
When she’s ten feet tall!
Most of the rest of those songs I either detest or haven’t heard [lucky me].
Now, back to pretending I’m the Foo Fighters!
Anything played by Hitz FM.
Tell me about it!! What more when one of your fellow co-workers is playing “My Heart Will Go on” on their Mp3 at this very day..i mean that song still makes me cringe!!! And have it on repeat!!! It just makes me wanna rip my own head off!!!
and yea..i love jason mraz but flyfm and hitz has just killed my taste for “I’m yours”….i just can’t stand it anymore!!
Yeah, you really ought to tune in to Jefferson Airplane’s heydays and “White Rabbit”!! I just got myself hooked on it. Plenty of people can’t figure out how they could produce that quintessentially 80’s synth-pop (We built this city) after having set the pace for rock with hookah smoking caterpillars, mushrooms and mother’s useless pills.
Oh HI suan.
NOW i gets it 
I hope the American interrogators are paying royalties on those songs!
On the ferry to Penang Island years ago someone next to me was singing My Heart Will Go On. Wanted to throw her overboard before she jinxed the boat.
And poor Mraz. Radio killed his songs. But I was glad radio killed James Blunt’s.
seriously, hitz.fm or fly fm shud bloody realise that their listeners are not ALL 16 year old giggling teenagers.
Mad - They only have to pay royalties if they play more than four bars of the tune. If the loops they’re using are just two or three bars over and over, then they don’t have to pay a thing. Also, with things like ‘Staying Alive’ they might be able to say they’re using it as a satire on the prisoners predicament and can get around it by ‘Fair Use’ laws which allows use for Social Commentary. [The US Politicians put that clause in as they used to use popular songs and change the lyrics to send up their opponents ... and it left a nice loophole for most comedy acts to do the same. They just need to prove it's some sort of satire or social commentary].
Also anything by the Bay City Rollers and/or The Osmonds
You Starship-ist. I would put 2 Unlimited tracks on the honourable mention list. And Aqua. If I had a similar list.
Try il mio cuore va. Foreign language covers sometimes help because:
1) You have no idea what is going on; and,
2) Make you appear so damn cultured.
LOL
Try Star Wars theme
eiffel 65 - blue… da ba di da ba daaaaha…ahh…ah.. … ah… *choke choke* help…… mmmeeeeee… *rolls on the floor… ears bleeding…*
LMAO We Built This City.. it’s so frickin cheesy that I laugh everytime I hear this song! but I don’t really hate it..
mine would probably include anything by Enrique though. And John Mayer.
And what’s wring with Manic Street Preachers? *cry*
this post, btw, reminds me that I should come up with a new Top 10 Shit List (probably of overrated celebrities).
what no Europe’s Final Countdown? Or that Kitaro wedding song?
fa: heard another one of her songs on radio today. unfortunately it was not my radio so i could not switch it off
reta: heahhahae code red anyone?
kenneth: not really. but i don’t think they are as vile as some of the songs up there. if they are whiny then that’s another matter. but i can’t recall any titles atm
kav: hah! i wanted to include ‘beautiful girls’ but i didn’t hate it as much as i did the songs on the list
teoh ct: i hate that song now because i don’t believe it anymore
sf: that’s sucky also
dabs: i see you’ve been making up a lot of lists
who the fuck is alice 
b.h.: no comment, i stopped listening to hitz.fm a few years ago
racoon: still?! in this day and age?! wtf! regarding ‘i’m yours’ — the difference is that i don’t listen to radio (or at least not the popular ones) so i only listen to mraz as and when i want to, as opposed to being forced to. hence i still love the song
bob: slowbob
mad: maybe that was why the artists were upset!
giant sotong: hahahahhah i hate ppl who randomly sing in public
9: stop listening lah. switch to red or capital
jeff: hahaha you mean, you didn’t like S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT?!
tigerjoe: if i could turn back time…
simon: I like it
plastyk: lmaooooooooo
izad: why john mayer? nothing wrong with MSP. but they covered the damn song. i want in on the list also!
edwin: hmm what kitaro wedding song? where?
Suanie - Alice is Alice in Wonderland. As Suertes mentioned, it’s from the song White Rabbit, a Jeffersons’ Airplane song.
Haha, the white bitch won on my list too. The only other song I have listened to [on this list] is In The End.