suanie’s statutory declaration
I had a most vivid dream early this morning. It involves me, Jason Mraz, a baby and blended avocados. Can’t really tell you the details because…
1) I guess it involves me being head over heels with Jason Mraz, and that itself is somewhat embarrassing
2) I really don’t want a baby of my own, unless it’s with Jason Mraz. Since that is not likely to happen this lifetime or the next, I don’t want my mom who reads my blog to go…
3) “YOU SUBCONSCIOUSLY WANT A BABY! BUT FIRST YOU SUBCONSCIOUSLY WANT A HUSBAND WHICH MEANS YOU SUBCONSCIOUSLY WANT A BOYFRIEND!”, because…
4) Too many of my high school friends are getting married and I made the mistake of telling her who’s who getting hitched and invited me to their wedding dinners.
Speaking of which, I attended my high school mate LL’s wedding dinner in BP last weekend.
Me with the beautiful bride
It was lovely meeting up with my high school mates, some of them whom I met not long ago during our 10th year reunion in May, and some whom I have not seen since 1998. It didn’t make me feel like getting married.
Met a friend’s husband for the first time. Didn’t make me feel like getting married. Another friend told me that Irene, whose engagement dinner I attended two years ago might be holding her wedding banquet soon. Didn’t make me feel like getting married. A cousin revealed that her boyfriend proposed and showed me her engagement ring. Didn’t make me feel like getting married. Was chatting with minishorts on GTalk for a bit this morning and she talked about her upcoming wedding plans. Didn’t make me feel like getting married. Am attending Dr Vagus‘ wedding dinner this weekend. I doubt that would make me feel like getting married.
Since statutory declarations are all the rage now, I think I’ll make one ala Gier.
***
I, Suanie of Suanie.net… do solemnly and sincerely declare as follows:-
1. I am of non-debatable sound mind and relatively good health, and am prone to pre and post-menstrual syndrome as and when my ovaries decide to release an egg which will pass through my fallopian tubes to my uterus very much unfertilised.
2. Despite my constant war of words with Ryan and his constant abuse of my physical being, I love him very much.
3. Even though my tolerance of children has significantly increased since my sister gave birth to Ryan, I still do not enjoy being around random kids especially in shopping malls. I will never be a kindergarten teacher.
4. When the time comes for me to have my own baby, I’d be happily married to either Jason Mraz, John Mayer or a significantly loaded guy who is not too shabby-looking and in possession of an intelligent and imaginative mind as well as a poetic soul. My Jason Mraz, John Mayer or a significantly loaded guy who is not too shabby-looking and in possession of an intelligent and imaginative mind as well as a poetic soul will be able to tell the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
5. He will also have a yacht.
6. When my friends get married or have plans to get married, I feel happy for them. That happiness for other people’s happiness does not translate to nor is equal to me wanting to get married myself.
7. All of the above was not written in a defensive mode, and is not a sly reverse psychology gesture in light of my current status as a single female.
8. Item no. 7 was not written in a defensive mode in anticipation of possible allegations of me writing everything above in a defensive mode, and was not a sly reverse psychology gesture from me to counter possible allegations of me employing a sly reverse psychology gesture upon myself and those around me.
9. Ditto.
10. The purpose of this statutory declaration is to:
10.1 State my firm and unwavering opinion that some 27-years old single females such as myself are not in a rush to tie the knot.
10.2 Express my concern that my mother’s mind is fettered with ideas that I am secretly wanting to get married because I happened to mention to her and my siblings that some of my friends are to be wed in the near future.
10.3 Emphasize the fact that I have no such existing ideas and notions in my head, unless she is willing to sponsor me a ticket to the Singapore Festival in August where Jason Mraz will be playing and will spot me among thousands of people in the crowd and fall in love with me instantly and bring me to the States with him and marry me at a simple ceremony where “I’m Yours” is on repeat in the background.
11. And I make this solemn declaration conscientiously believing the same be true and by virtue of the provisions of the Statutory Declaration Act 1960.
SUBSCRIBED and SOLEMNLY DECLARED by the abovenamed SUANIE at HER DESK in the State of Selangor this day of 04 JULY 2008 before THE HUNDREDS OF READERS ON HER BLOG.
kakakakkaka read and solemnly understood by the belownamed minishorts at her desk in the state of wilayah persekutuan on this day of 04 july 2008. FAHAM !
You know, I’ve always wanted to get a yacht. Can wait ah??
But seriously, yaloh! My mom is also bugging me about taking it to the next level, when I’m not even on level 1 yet (ie, still at level 0 = single).
Welcome to the club.
Are you going to retract your SD after 24 hours, suanie dear?
LOL!!!
Just as i was about to make a statement in my blog about the new malaysian pastime!
babe, go buy hot magazine issue 102 and join the contest ok. You can win backstage pass to meet Jason Mraz okayyyyy. Must write poem okayyy. I know you can do it =)
I larb youu dip dip!!!
I thought you already had/have a “first husband”. What are his thoughts on your declarations. I assume in your country you are permitted to have multiple husbands.
‘When the time comes for me to have my own baby, I’d be happily married to either Jason Mraz, John Mayer or a significantly loaded guy who is not too shabby-looking and in possession of an intelligent and imaginative mind as well as a poetic soul. My Jason Mraz, John Mayer or a significantly loaded guy who is not too shabby-looking and in possession of an intelligent and imaginative mind as well as a poetic soul will be able to tell the difference between “your” and “you’re”.’
So what you’re saying is you secretly love me with all your heart, because I am loaded guy [loaded with fat], am not too shabby looking [completely shabby is 'not too shabby', it's well beyond that], I have an intelligent and imaginative mind [like, I've already imagined a list of why you're in love with me and intelligently thought it through], I have a poetic soul too, like, how many times must I write sweet, sweet poems on everyones blogs for them to realise that?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
So goes the age old rhyme,
But I know Roses’ are blue,
And Violets’ are red,
Cause I saw them hanging on the line.
But seriously, you already have a husband [aka Chris Tock], and you are sup[posed to be seriously tracking down my next girlfriend. Someone who doesn't smoke, is intelligent, wants babies when they get married, is currently single [I don't steal other people GF's], is not too young [ie, within a respectable age to date a 43 year old Aussie male], wouldn’t mind living in Perth [as darn boring as it is], and anything else you can tack on to the end of this. [Yes, it is now Official United Nations year of Pimping Dabido! So all you blog readers out there, start doing some serious looking for me.]
Are you under duress too? Haha…
chris tock: cis…i just wanted to type that out
Blended avocados?
Paging Dr. Freud!
(PS - TQ for SMSing Y yesterday. V.much appreciated
it’s never easy being a woman
Olivia - I’ve always felt that!
so the guy who wanna get you must be able to sing “I’m Yours” unplucked eh?
when you marry your Jason Mraz, John Mayer or a significantly loaded guy who is not too shabby-looking and in possession of an intelligent and imaginative mind as well as a poetic soul who owns a yatch, i may not be able to afford your wedding dinner ang pow. :p
a yacht? perhaps if you retracted that detail, it’d open up the playing field a lot more. speaking of weddings and jason mraz, a friend of mine used ‘i’m yours’ at his wedding some time ago, before the song was popularised by the radio and it was actually played several times (looped). very apt. good luck seeing jason mraz in s’pore… go win the ‘hot mag’ contest
[howshouse.com]
I support item No. 5 to the max. lol:P
He doesn’t necessarily needs to OWN a yatch, but having the dough to afford one is pretty sufficient XD