why i will not be watching ‘bee movie’ anytime soon
Just so we are clear, the following is a rant against Jerry Seinfeld.
I liked ‘Seinfeld’. It was a funny show, the scraps that aired on TV for so many years were too hilarious and outrageous not to be liked. That said, the show wouldn’t be what it was if it weren’t for its stellar supporting cast (and more importantly, Larry David). The stand-up Jerry Seinfeld bits added in before and after the sitcom were so lame, you couldn’t pay me to attend a 5-course sit-down dinner prepared by a 3-star Michelin chef and watch Jerry doing stand-up comedy. I don’t think it’s worth the aggravation, but that’s just me.
So Jerry Seinfeld is a millionaire many, many times over, thanks to the continuous worldwide syndication of ‘Seinfeld’. According to Forbes mag who loves compiling lists on every rent-a-celeb who made bank, Jerry Seinfeld made the most money via TV after Oprah. If I were Seinfeld, what would I do with all that money? Why, sit in my US$32 million home (that I demolished and rebuilt), get on Facebook to play Scrabulous and even watch Larry David’s ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ to fully realise what a genius he is, have hardcore sex with my wife and spend quality family time with kids of course! In between all that, I would have gathered intelligence that the world is not really interested in Seinfeld after ‘Seinfeld’, so I should just shut my trap and enjoy fluffing about being a multi-millionaire.
Unfortunately it was not to be, and now that we have to cross this bridge, here are reasons why I will not be watching ‘Bee Movie’ anytime soon.
1) Can you spell L-A-M-E? Everything about ‘Bee Movie’ is lame. During a cinema outing a couple months ago, I was forced to sit through a few minutes of Seinfeld in a bee costume whining to Spielberg about something’s not going to work in the most unfunny promotional movie teaser ever. You were right, it wasn’t working then, it is not working now. Hey, ‘American Gangster’ made US$7 million more than ‘Bee Movie’ over the weekend, and they were showing in 1000 LESS theaters in America. So much for all the hype, buzz, tie-ups with various large corporations and appearing on ‘30 Rock’ and Oprah… all for naught. ‘Ratatouille’ made US$9 million more than you did on opening weekend, and it was already Pixar’s first disappointment since ‘A Bug’s Life’ US$33.3 million in 1998. Is it me, or are movie-goers trying to tell you something?
2) “Give Bees a Chance”. If you have never heard of that line before ‘Bee Movie’, it’s okay; it has only been played on the Howard Stern Show as a part of the marketing slogan for BeeCeuticals Organics for about 400 times since last September. Now BeeCeuticals is suing Dreamworks Animation and Paramount Pictures for trademark infringement. Good. I hope they win.
3) For ‘Finding Nemo’, Pixar engaged the services of an ichthyologist as to prevent as much technical inaccuracies as they could. In ‘Bee Movie‘, drones have stingers and collect nectar, bees do not die after stinging and male mosquitos suck blood. Maybe that’s why ‘Finding Nemo’ will go down in history as one of the finest animations ever to grace our screens (the audience in the cinema hall where I watched it clapped loud and hard), and ‘Bee Movie’ will end up like ‘Antz.’
4) Jessica Seinfeld wrote a cookbook on how to disguise healthy food into a mash of unrecognisable pulp so that kids would be deceived and eat them. Some people on various forums and message boards noted similarities in the book’s content with that of another book which was published 6 months earlier. Personally I think that both authors are dumbasses, for the pure, simple logic that if you feed your kids with ingredients that they can’t recognise, chances are that they wouldn’t touch the food in its original form when they are older. So what, you are going to make them eat vegetable puree for the rest of their lives? But that is not my battle. Jerry Seinfeld went on David Letterman calling the other author a ‘wacko’ for ‘accusing his wife of vegetable plagiarism’, comparing her to a stalker, when the fact of the matter is, neither the other author NOR her publisher came out to accuse Mrs. Seinfeld of anything! Talk about jumping the unnecessary gun.
5) Jerry Seinfeld is so in love with himself that he thinks everyone on Earth should know everything there is to know about ‘Seinfeld’. What, can’t take a bit of a jab by Larry King? Self-consumed git should have stayed home.
Even without going into his personal life, Jerry Seinfeld just irritates the shit out of me with his constant fake puzzled look and annoying whiny drawl that I felt like smashing my laptop, but managed to stop myself in time because I paid RM4k for it. Jerry Seinfeld is so not relevant anymore, it’s not funny. You are not the master of your domain. Go get stung. You suck.
Related Posts
- cars over and over and over again… repeat infinity
- how to turn an awful japanese horror movie into a brilliant comedy (2)
- transformers for teh win!!!
- wednesday assorted blah
- ahead, warp factor one
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
I hate Seinfeld too. I hate his show. In any other movie, the combo of Seinfeld and Chris Rock would have made me puke my guts out. but Bee movie was ok (this is actually high praise, coming from a Pixar-bias fanatic like myself), probably because you don’t see their faces at all. heh
Seinfeld’s TV series was good. I’ve heard his live show was just bits off the show and his book Seinlanguage was … well, bits off the show.
He does always come across as arrogant. I did read the poor lady who wrote that cook book complaining about the fact she hadn’t said anything and Seinfeld accused her of claiming plagarism. [Which makes you wonder whether it was, as neither the lady who wrote the first book, nor her publisher had said a thing before the Seinfelds were on the defensive].
Anyway, the Bee Movie I doubt I’d see … but, now that Eyeris has mentioned Chris Rock is in it, it’s probably raised the level of it.
But, i saw the promo for it and saw the stunt he did at Cannes [in the bee suit etc] and didn’t think it was funny. The reviews I’ve seen didn’t give it too a good a chance either.
But, I can’t blame Seinfeld if it isn’t funny. Unless he wrote the movie.
Actually US celebrities pay higher tax rates than our local billionaires, more than 50%.
They totally screwed over BeeCeuticals. BeeCeuticals wanted to partner with them to help save the bees and plant pollinator friendly trees and the Bee Movie execs basically took thier good faith marketing materials and ran with it leaving them in the dust and then used it in their trailers. SCUMBAGS! I will not see the movie.
Raging blogger spotted decapitating bees with foot!
You know, maybe the Chicago Sun-Times could start rethinking their all-star movie critic line-up… with you in it!
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/
You might just be the next big thing in movie criticism!
jom jom.. main scarbulous on facebook!
i given up Jerry’s show after watching George Carlin’s. the differences is 70 miles away. cant agree more to you, Jerry sux
eh, I fell asleep watching that Bee movie la… boring kar beh si (boring like hell la)…. Jerry Sienz whatever his name la… the show on TV is very late one ah?? if so, no wonder I have never seen it ler… Yah la.. gotta work my cute ass off and by the time the show starts, I would have fallen asleep lor because the next day, I gotta get up early and work my cute ass off again…. Repeat this cycle for the next 20 years la….. Sigh…
I concur – I could never stand Seinfeld as a stand-up or actor; I believe I’ve only seen 3 episodes of his show.
I just watched the Larry King vid – if anyone had any doubts that Seinfeld was a pompous ass, this would burst their bubble. What a dick!
Cheers,
Ted
I enjoyed Seinfeld, even the intro and outro bits. They’re not so much of funny (in a typical American way) as they are introspective and observative. I go “wow, why didn’t I think of that?” instead of “man, he is funny! I love his impressions!” I enjoyed Bee Movie too.
eyeris: heheh still not sold
dabs: there was another article in google somewhere talking about seinfeld’s treatment of his fans. understandably, celebrities need their private space. but no need to semi-insult them after, imho
moo_t: heh in any country, rich ppl will have a way of not paying full tax mah
Meredith Hurty: Yeah, i read about that too
iesnek: did you spot seinfeld’s face ?
suertes: nyeh
izad: marilah mari! u are not even on my facebook!
aeroplane: general concensus then? Heh
Notty Gurl: seinfeld was a very popular sitcom, should have had prime time on air. you can watch reruns on starworld
ted: granted larry king is old, senile and imho pretty much irrelevant these days, but there’s no need to come out looking like a jerk
albert: good for you
wah… and I was just quoting Seinfeld on me blog about dealing with telemarketers.
seinfeld show really sucked…but bee movie wasnt that bad for a kid flick
i love this post! and most of all ur posts!…keep it up!