things to do before cny

1. Dye my hair
Look, it’s not like I asked for white hair, okay. I wonder if The Maker mused to himself before dropping my tattered soul into the reincarnation pot, “Oh, here’s someone who is going to be Suanie, I bet she will be pleased with having loads of white hair while still in high school, hmm let me just tick this box…”

2. Brace myself…
… for the barrage of “do you have a boyfriend”, “when is your turn” queries. I know it’s the third ice-breaker after ‘how are you’ and ‘what are you doing now’, but it’s just fun to bitch about it. Never mind that I would be asking my friends the same :D

3. Get laundry done
I just realised yesterday night that I have a load of dirty clothes that needs to be clean by the time I am back in BP.

4. Locate the brightest, most colourful clothes in my closet
Big hurdle, this. I am a black fan. More black after black after black? Yes please, load ‘em up. I look ridiculous in many shades because I am so fucking fat. EEEEEEEeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhHHH!!!!!!!!!

5. Change my bedsheet
I was doing something for boss in Amcorp Mall the other day, and had time to kill, and saw a huge ‘SALE’ sign, and walked in, and came out with 2 brand new bedsheets. Now all that’s left for me to do is to actually change my bedsheet…

BTW don’t wish me a Happy CNY yet… wait for the next post lah ;)

my perfect valentine

Valentine's Day sucks

moo_t’s cultural substances meme

moo_t wants me to list 5 cultural substances and elaborate a little on them. Hokay… this is really easy for me thanks to my previous job… bwahahhahahaa!!! And I am going to do this without any references, just to see how much I remember.

1. Feng Shui
Feng Shui originated from China, it was originally known as ‘kan yu’. Some emperor or minister gave it its proper name, Feng Shui, which literally means ‘wind’ and ‘water’. Translated, ‘wind’ means ‘qi’ which is basically life force, and ‘water’ means water lah ;) It is short for ‘qi disperses with the wind and rests at the boundaries of water’.

First there was only the ‘luan tou’ method, which is now popularly known as ‘san he’. The ancient Chinese who practised this literally walked the mountains for months or even years (or their whole lives), just to locate good spots. Last time there was no Feng Shui for the living (yang), it was all for the dead peps (yin). Then some people looked up the heavens and say something along the lines of, ‘what is in the heavens is reflected on earth’ and began research on that. This became known as ‘li qi’, which you would recognise as ‘san yuan’ these days.

Basically all the good luck items you place in your house in the name of Feng Shui, are not Feng Shui. Kthx.

(yes, I got lazy typing so much).

2. The Dragon Head tortoise
… also known as the ‘lo shu’. It is a mythical critter, said to rise from the river lo bearing the ‘magic squares’ on his back. The ‘magic squares’ is in use in Yi Jing and Xuan Kong Feng Shui, a sub of ‘li qi’. It is actually a Chinese mathematical, astronomy and divinity thing, and most likely the person responsible for it created the story of a mythical critter just to add value to his work. You know how the Chinese thrive on superstitions.

Today Lillian Too makes a lot of money selling the Lo Shu figurines. She says it brings you good Feng Shui luck. Suckers.

3. How the Qing Dynasty got fucked, no thanks to Feng Shui
The Emperor Qian Long was great in many ways. He also fancied himself to be a geomancer, and he went looking for his burial spot that would have like, the greatest qi ever for the continued prosperity of the Qing Dynasty. He finally found it, and consulted his harem of geomancers to know what they thought.

If you were a geomancer living in times where you could be beheaded at the whim of the rulers, and the emperor asked you what you thought of his chosen burial spot, you would say yes, wouldn’t you? I would.

Actually the burial AREA was great, and had great qi that would have benefited the Qing Dynasty for many generations, IF ONLY Qian Long’s tomb had faced a different direction (or something).

I am not making any of this up okay.

4. CNY firecrackers
Once upon a time the Chinese were terrorised by a monster. The monster ate up shit loads of people, and finally the villagers got sick of it. So they set off firecrackers to frighten off the monster. It worked and they lived happily ever. From then on, firecrackers are set off to ward off evil spirits, basically ill fortune brought by the unknown.

Then it got banned in Malaysia and Singapore, but you can still buy it, if you know where to go lah.

5. Once Upon A Time in China
Jet Li acted as the great Chinese hero, Wong Fei Hung. The movies were massive hits and became deeply embedded in today’s Chinese culture. Then Jet Li flew to Hollywood and his career sucked for a few years. I didn’t really like him in ‘Fearless’ either, maybe because I watched the Cantonese-dubbed version, WTF WAS THAT ABOUT?!?!?!

Erm.. okay :)

suanie americanised (p.s. pls ignore the british spelling)

Every morning I wake up to my Sony Ericsson K750i’s alarm. Sure, Sony Ericsson may be a Japan+Sweden venture, but their head office is in London, and we all know that the UK and the US are BFF. Hence Sony Ericsson is American.

Then I get ready for work, the process usually involves going through the motions (literally), then checking my meager wardrobe for an outfit that could nearly pass me off as a professional. If we go by Miranda Priestly’s logic that every design available in the cheapest of all marts is inspired by the fashion heavyweights and glossy magazines, then it stands to reason that my entire closet is American.

I drive to work and around in my zippy Perodua Kelisa. Yes, the Perodua Kelisa is a Malaysian car and, boy aret the proud of it! Nevertheless the concept of the compact car materialised in the form of the Ford Model T. Henry Ford was American and so is my Perodua Kelisa.

Sometimes I have the radio on when I am driving. The majority of Malaysian radio DJs speak with pseudo-American accents. Malaysian airwaves is ruled by the Americans (wannabes).

The first thing I do in the office is to switch the computer on. and I have to thank IBM for creating personal computers. Obviously my office desktop is American.

The computer boots up SuSE, which is owned by Novell, which is American.

Then I am on-line. If certain leaders of this country, past and present are to be believed, the Internet is owned by America.

I get hungry about five minutes before the official lunch time. Maslow said that the need for food is one of the basic requirements to be fulfilled for survival. Maslow was American and so is my hunger.

Thanks to the American Thomas Edison, I say ‘hello’ when I answer the telephone.

I am certain the Americans invented traffic jams… No? Ah well, ignorance is largely perceived to be an American problem anyway :D

When I reach home from work, one of the first things I do is to watch recorded Oprah Winfrey shows. She is an American woman who talks a lot about American-ish stuff, she has famous American personalities on her show all the time, she helps catch American pedophiles, she is concerned about American schools and surprise of all surprises, the Oprah Winfrey Show is based in Chicago, America.

I also watch CSI Las Vegas, CSI Miami, CSI New York, TAR, The Apprentice, Seinfeld, Heroes, Third Watch, Ugly Betty etc. The one thing they have in common is that they are American TV programmes.

I indulge in Starbucks, McDonalds, KFC, A&W, Kenny Rogers, Burger King and Chilis. Ahh, not forgetting Reese’s awesome peanut butter cups! American, American and more American!

I have a thing for John Cusack. He’s American, and he does not know it yet (that I have a thing for him and not the latter).

Most of my dealings with my local Uncle Ho involves American-made movies.

I like to make fun of George Bush. He’s American (though I suppose he would be exiled if it were up to some other Americans. Or not, because of the First Amendment thing that is foreign to me).

I dream of naked Americans.

In a nutshell, my daily life is heavily influenced by America and Americans.

How to boycott like that?

pimpin’ the boots of bmw 7-series and toyota hilux

Wahey, it’s the return of the ‘Car Boot to Fit a Suan‘ series! Rejoice?

I don’t quite know why I do these things. A couple of people who don’t really read blogs asked me, “did I really see a photo of you inside a car boot?”

Yes, me. Blush. Put on thick skin, shrug shoulders and exclaim, “IT’S FUN!!!!!!!!!”

So it is. We always have lots of laugh when taking the pix. Here goes…

Da BMW 7-series, the 730Li!!!!!!!!!

BMW 730iL 7-series boot - Suanie

Blah, the position is so FA :P But then, how many poses can you strike in a bloody car boot?!?

But yes, the car boot can fit a Suan. Heck, the entire car can fit 8 Suans!

But can the 7-series boot fit a Suan AND a Fireangel?

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BMW 730iL 7-series boot - Suanie and FA

Friggin’ amazing!!!

Next is the Toyota Hilux.

Toyota Hilux back - Suanie and FA -1

Toyota Hilux back - Suanie and FA -2

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!