moo_t’s cultural substances meme
moo_t wants me to list 5 cultural substances and elaborate a little on them. Hokay… this is really easy for me thanks to my previous job… bwahahhahahaa!!! And I am going to do this without any references, just to see how much I remember.
1. Feng Shui
Feng Shui originated from China, it was originally known as ‘kan yu’. Some emperor or minister gave it its proper name, Feng Shui, which literally means ‘wind’ and ‘water’. Translated, ‘wind’ means ‘qi’ which is basically life force, and ‘water’ means water lah 
It is short for ‘qi disperses with the wind and rests at the boundaries of water’.
First there was only the ‘luan tou’ method, which is now popularly known as ’san he’. The ancient Chinese who practised this literally walked the mountains for months or even years (or their whole lives), just to locate good spots. Last time there was no Feng Shui for the living (yang), it was all for the dead peps (yin). Then some people looked up the heavens and say something along the lines of, ‘what is in the heavens is reflected on earth’ and began research on that. This became known as ‘li qi’, which you would recognise as ’san yuan’ these days.
Basically all the good luck items you place in your house in the name of Feng Shui, are not Feng Shui. Kthx.
(yes, I got lazy typing so much).
2. The Dragon Head tortoise
… also known as the ‘lo shu’. It is a mythical critter, said to rise from the river lo bearing the ‘magic squares’ on his back. The ‘magic squares’ is in use in Yi Jing and Xuan Kong Feng Shui, a sub of ‘li qi’. It is actually a Chinese mathematical, astronomy and divinity thing, and most likely the person responsible for it created the story of a mythical critter just to add value to his work. You know how the Chinese thrive on superstitions.
Today Lillian Too makes a lot of money selling the Lo Shu figurines. She says it brings you good Feng Shui luck. Suckers.
3. How the Qing Dynasty got fucked, no thanks to Feng Shui
The Emperor Qian Long was great in many ways. He also fancied himself to be a geomancer, and he went looking for his burial spot that would have like, the greatest qi ever for the continued prosperity of the Qing Dynasty. He finally found it, and consulted his harem of geomancers to know what they thought.
If you were a geomancer living in times where you could be beheaded at the whim of the rulers, and the emperor asked you what you thought of his chosen burial spot, you would say yes, wouldn’t you? I would.
Actually the burial AREA was great, and had great qi that would have benefited the Qing Dynasty for many generations, IF ONLY Qian Long’s tomb had faced a different direction (or something).
I am not making any of this up okay.
4. CNY firecrackers
Once upon a time the Chinese were terrorised by a monster. The monster ate up shit loads of people, and finally the villagers got sick of it. So they set off firecrackers to frighten off the monster. It worked and they lived happily ever. From then on, firecrackers are set off to ward off evil spirits, basically ill fortune brought by the unknown.
Then it got banned in Malaysia and Singapore, but you can still buy it, if you know where to go lah.
5. Once Upon A Time in China
Jet Li acted as the great Chinese hero, Wong Fei Hung. The movies were massive hits and became deeply embedded in today’s Chinese culture. Then Jet Li flew to Hollywood and his career sucked for a few years. I didn’t really like him in ‘Fearless’ either, maybe because I watched the Cantonese-dubbed version, WTF WAS THAT ABOUT?!?!?!
Erm.. okay 
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random post of the day..
Stephen Chow: Cultural Icon FTW!
maybe the real reason firecrackers are banned in malaysia and singapore is because certain monsters are scared of them. no wonder them nasty beasts are thriving now.
Thank you for saying that Lillian Too’s customers are “suckers” – I would go a lot further, but then you would have to moderate the comment
100+ Kudos points to Suanie.
The Chinese New Year Monster is called… Nian, or year/age.
The idea is that every new year, people are closer to their deaths. So they scare away the monster of age.
3. How the Qing Dynasty got fucked, no thanks to Feng Shui
farnee~~~~hahahahhahahaha
Salute.(including others participants)
—–
My understand of feng-sui
If your home is next to septic ponds, it is bad fengsui to you. If wastewater treatment company owe the septic pond, it is good fengsui to them.
——
The ancient has derive the following mathematic matrix from the dragon Head tortoise. (and sum of every side(including diagonal will give you number 15).
　4　 　9　 　2　
　3　 　5　 　7　
　8　 　1　 　6
——
Ching diagnostic get f*ck up is not because of bad fengsui. One main reason is Qian-Lung 7 times visits to Jiang-Nan, exhaust most of the national treasury which he father build up, and the visit also bankrupt the local society.
Betrand Russell “the problem of China” does say something about it.
——
IMHO, firecracker is ban because
Many Malay children can’t resist to use the firecracker powder for “creative” purposes.
—–
Salute Tsui Hark. BTW, don’t you think “Once upon a time in China” is similar to the old day cowboy movie (where all red indian are bad guys) .
—-
no next “victims” meh?
Hahaha Suanie… You are getting randomer (is there such a word?) and randomer these days. I like it.
That’s was what Lillian Too went to Harvard for….to learn how to sucker us into buying her stuff!
KY: this is a random comment
iesnek: Shit.. how could i have forgotten him!!
i love stephen chow!
chen: bring back the noise then!
Grant: ahah! your wife??
Chewxy: ahh i didnÂ’t know the latter …
freelunch: heh
moo_t: itÂ’s a free for all meme!! aka my friends will kill me if i pass it on
anttyk: this blog has always been random one what
chris: amazing business plan, donÂ’t ya think??
Oh, Suanie, big mistake. My wife?! My wife (who is Malay anyway, and a scientific rationalist like myself) would cheerfully kill Lillian Too, and all those suckers who ramble along about sticking their water features facing up their respective asses in the correct direction to create prosperity.
I don’t think I’ll tell her what you said though…. 
And that’s before she really gets mad!!
But I forgive you the error!
‘Feng Shui, which literally means ‘wind’ and ‘water’.’
I was suffering from Feng Shui on the plane on the way back to Perth last night. If I wasn’t releasing wind, I was in the toilet releasing water.
[I am so cultural on flights ... Virgin should have PAID ME to fly!]
‘It is a mythical critter, said to rise from the river lo bearing the ‘magic squares’’
BUT, Can it solve really hard Suduko?
‘If you were a geomancer living in times where you could be beheaded at the whim of the rulers,’
I would have quit my day job!
‘Once upon a time the Chinese were terrorised by a monster. The monster ate up shit loads of people,’
But, you’ve stopped eating people now … right? You just eat lots of other things.
Chewxy – ‘So they scare away the monster of age.’
I’m not that scared. In fact, I like firecrackers. [And please, stop mentioning my age!]
Grant: my bad, pls donÂ’t tell her
when i was at my old job, we had a lot of malays interested in FS. some wanted to know about the real deal, some wanted ugly chinese cultural items in their houses … LT gets annoying, eh? 
esp on tv 
Dabs: you are 18, right?
Oh, Suanie.
Me? 18!? Ha ha ha ha! 
You are Toooo Nice!
*blushes*
p.s. Get your glasses checked!
lilian too is a marketing genius k? how else could she sucker so many people into purchasing her wind chimes with exactly 5-metal chimes lar, money pot thingies, mini fu-dogs, this-lar, that-lar to place everywhere in and outside the house, and probably by now, in the car as well?? =P