Continuing from my previous guide on how to turn an awful japanese horror movie into a brilliant comedy…
Let’s face it — horror movies don’t make much sense. Personally I adore watching horror movies especially with my eyes closed, but as time goes by it seems that the producers/writers/directors don’t make much of an effort anymore. The perception, and rightly so is that Japanese/Korean ghost movies = instant hit. The last two good horror movies I watched were Ju-On (the original Japanese version) and Shutter, the awesome Thai movie. Coming in at third was The Eye. As for the rest, even though I enjoy scaring the crap out of myself, I wish that the people behind the movie would make the extra effort to make me wet my pants. Like Ju-On The Ring, where the girl climbed out of the tv screen and the well. That freaked me out for weeks.
Enough with the thesis. Where was I?
Oh yeah, The Plot. It’s shit. So let’s move on with three things often found in J-horror (or any kinds of pop horror movies) because recycling ideas is the new Britney Spears’ crotch.
1. Cause of Horror
2. Pointless Bits
3. Is This Stupidity?
1. Cause of Horror
Cliché of all cliché — there is a cause for everything, and this is painfully true in every awful Japanese horror movies. Even if the cause is not explained (maybe because they expect you to play the popular video game prior to watching the movie), there is a reason why this and why that. Why do parents dress their daughter’s corpse in red? Why the residents of an apartment block should not go out after 12? Why kok-staring villagers turn to killing machines when the siren is heard?
Sometimes the fallible reason could be as easy as this:
It doesn’t really explain why that turns them into zombies, but there you go.
2. Pointless Bits
Actually this is not limited to J-horror; in fact too many movies have pointless bits in them. Try as you might to seek answers (logical or otherwise) you just can’t solve the mystery of why the director choose to have those scenes in the movie. They are not explained, they don’t give the plot any credit, they just exist to draw your attention from whatever is happening, and sometimes they are in the form of semordnilap!
I don’t understand either.
3. Is This Stupidity?
‘Nuff said.
Forbidden Siren opens in Malaysia cinemas tomorrow. Go watch, if you are so inclined 😉
p/s: exercising my right to mock J-horror does not mean I will stop watching them 😛
More: ShaolinTiger
elo.. tu climb out from TV is from THE RING la… Ju-On is the boy hiding under table with that “arrgh-i-am-friggin-cold-with-no-clothes-on” look la. I would look like that too in japan’s friggin winter with no clothes! DOH. And I personally think THE EYE is thebest of them all.. I couls not sleep well for weeks.. like seriously!
see, too many titles, i get confused 😛
I want to add another nickname to the Ju-On boy that steveneleven mentioned… I call him the ‘meow-meow-boy’.. hahah!
Shutter lagi best.
please teach me
HOW TO WRITE TWO LONG POSTS FROM A LOUSY MOVIE
kthxbai. 😀
T_T
i can’t figure out what semordnilap meanssssssssss!!
palindromes? is that a word? i malas wanna google, haha.
bring me along next time?
hahahah best rant EVAR!
suanie.. my boss just came back from the states. bought everyone reese’s peanutbuttercups.. i dont think i’ve seen it here in Malaysia..
actuarry, the whole town turning into zombie plot hor, you must get steven seagal to act as the only policeman, then ad-lib his engrand speaking lips to japanese.
i bet steven seagal would save the whole town and come out with his long hair still slick and intact. 🙂
now, that would be a horror movie (to see him with his hair still intact)
shutter was the last horror movie i watched.
after that… no more horror movies!
yes give me a hug.
TAGGED!!!! 🙂 *RUNS*
I hate scarey movies. The last one I saw was the one where the girl’s head spins around and she vomits green shit. I don’t think she was Japanese.
Chen: i placed a link there what….
Awesome – Forbidden Siren is coming out in the cinema? It’s not directed by Uwe Boll is it? Hope not… =/ The game is cool, even though I laboured through it in Japanese.
I d/l’ed the palindromes pic, it was quite funny.
Mad – that film was The Exorcist I think???