Archives for 2007

I was 16 years old in 1997. For some reason I was also considered a computer expert. Not because I thrashed my sister’s computer a year ago and found out the hard way that deleting .dll files just because they don’t fit in anywhere are a strict no-no, but because I had a couple of CDs that enabled me to install cool shit like Netscape Navigator, mIRC, ICQ and anti-virus softwares. If you are 17 years old today, you wouldn’t believe the shit I got away with just by emphasizing the importance of anti-virus softwares to unsuspecting folks a decade ago.

Anyway that year I was in Form 4, dubbed the honeymoon period after PMR and before SPM examinations. New teachers were assigned to our class just because we weren’t as important as we were in Form 3, and we wouldn’t be important until we get to Form 5. There was a new teacher in school, let’s call her Puan Mariah Carey (PMC). We thought that PMC was rather rad at that time, for she never wore tudungs, her face was plastered with inches of make-up, her clothes were fashionable and flamboyant, and she seemed to have a different pair of shoes for every day of the year. She was not a very inspiring teacher, but she was always good for a chat during lessons.

One day PMC told me that she had subscribed to the Internet, and was facing some problems with her home computer. She asked if I could help her fix it. I was rather apprehensive — even at that age I knew I was pretending to be computer-savvy, but I had to say yes because… well, she was my teacher, right?

So PMC drove me and a couple of my friends to her house. I sat down in front of her computer, fiddled with this and that, tried to figure out what was wrong… if I remember correctly, I installed Netscape Navigator for her and told her to use that instead of Internet Explorer. Somehow that seemed to fix the problem, and all was well with the world.

I had to restart the computer, so I closed every application I had opened. Out of nowhere, her desktop wallpaper began to load… slowly… like an artist unveiling his million dollar masterpiece… Next thing I knew, I was face-to-face with a photo of a naked white chick on her knees blowing a man standing up equipped with a large and fully-erected cock.

PMC froze, then went red in the face, then scrambled to switch off the monitor. “HOW DID IT GET THERE, OMG I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS, I DON’T KNOW HOW IT GOT THERE, I NEVER SAW IT IN MY LIFE BEFORE, OMG I SWEAR I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS THERE!!!!!”

As the PC was restarting, I calmly fibbed, “Oh don’t worry PMC, maybe it was a virus, maybe it downloaded itself and attached itself to your desktop, these things happen, don’t worry about it, other people had the same stuff also…”

After I switched her desktop wallpaper to that of a G-rated image, I tried to make light of the embarrassment that she was obviously feeling.

“Oh it’s a very common thing PMC. Almost everyone’s first instinct when they get on the Internet is to look for porn… because it’s a novelty… it’s nothing one… then after a while they get tired of it and they will move on to more interesting stuff… don’t worry, it’s only normal… other people are like that one… nothing to be embarrassed about… haha, I won’t tell anyone because it’s very normal… ”

“Ya you are right,” PMC bashfully replied, “I just wanted to see what it is, it doesn’t do anything for me, I was just curious, I don’t even like porn, I never looked at it after that…”

And I never looked at her the same way again, mostly because I kept remembering her mortified face and I’d crack up.

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This post was written for Lainie, who wanted me to blog about harmful pornographic content on the Internet for Take Back The Tech. Obviously I am flippant to it. Unless you are dealing with child pornography, then you deserve to die.

A while back I took Ryan and KY to have dinner, where KY proceeded to teach Ryan the art of camwhoring.

KY taking the first step

This was Ryan’s immediate response to KY’s pose above

The Fireangel chin pose!

Attempting to emulate KY’s infamous dance moves

The pout! Heh, I taught him that 😛

Sigh, me so proud 😛

Nyeh, I’m back. Streamyx is at a crawling speed at home, so I had massive difficulty uploading photos yesterday. Oh well. Not that any of you missed me 😉

Me and FA were invited to The Farm to celebrate Patrick’s 60th birthday bash. It was an interesting drive to Lenggeng in Negri Sembilan, as the map provided was not drawn to scale. So we just headed for Pajam, then Mantin and of all the houses we stopped by to ask for directions, we had to pick one with a woman who seemed to have a self-abuse problem.

We reached The Farm around evening, and the buggers had already started on beers. Yay! The proprietor of The Farm is Andrew, and besides managing a 7-acre farm almost on his own, he is also known for cooking with just an apron and a pair of shorts on.

Me with Andrew The Naked Chef

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A blog post suggestion from my earlier post, Blogger’s Block, suggested by Pinky.

It’s Monday. No mood to write lengthy, mind-boggling stuff. But I did update Monsterblog regarding the police thinking of charging Nurin Jazlin’s parents with negligence…

Here’s Ryan with my eldest sister posing in front of a baby elephant. My sister and brother-in-law took him to the Royal London Circus for his first circus experience. They also paid RM15 so he could sit on top of the baby elephant for camwhoring opportunities, but turns out that Ryan was afraid… and possibly puzzled at why real life elephants do not look the same as they do on TV.

The next one was taken when Ryan was a few months old, and discovering that he could put various things into his mouth, such as ginger..

And this was taken last Friday while waiting for dinner.

And the video was him with a platypus I got him from Perth. In fact it is the only evidence that I got him anything from Perth, because I can’t for the life of me locate the damn platypus anywhere in the house now.

When we were kids, one of our favourite things to eat was the piggy biscuit. We would have it once a year, because… well, it’s a Mooncake Festival specialty thing, isn’t it? To this day I have no idea what the piggy biscuit is properly called, so I shall call it the piggy biscuit.

The piggy biscuits are made from leftovers of the dough used to make mooncake skin. They are then molded into piggy shapes, then baked, then placed in red and yellow plastic (some say rattan) in the shape of a cage. One cage for one pig. Sort of like the cages they put real pigs in before taking them to the slaughter house. For some reason it reminded me of the scene in an old Chinese movie where they forced a woman into the same cage then drown her for adultery.

The piggy biscuits are chewy, and actually I never thought that they were any good to eat. But we used to love buying them because of their adorable-ness, and the we collected the plastic cages for our playtime. My mother remembers it being sold for 20 cents each during her day. I remember it being sold for 50 cents each during my day. Rip offs 😛

So yesterday I was in SS2 buying a birthday cake for my sisters, and I chanced upon these adorable piggy biscuits for sale!

For a second, all my childhood memories came flooding back to me, and the first person I thought of was Ryan. I don’t think he’s had a piggy biscuit before, and even if he did last year, he wouldn’t have remembered it. So I picked one up and went to the counter to pay for it.

Guess how much it cost?

FOUR BLOODY RINGGIT!!! HOLEY OF ALL MOTHERS…

Okay to be (slightly) fair, this piggy biscuit was nicely packaged, and seemed fatter than the piggy biscuits I used to have. My mom later told me that the piggy biscuit I bought has some sort of a filling… lotus paste I think. BUT STILLL!!!!!111111 RM4 can pay for an awesome plate of zhap fan!!

Oh well.

I brought it home and gave it to Ryan. He was ECSTATIC!!! Heh okay lah the money was well-spent.

Dude wouldn’t eat it though. He thinks it’s a toy.

I also very sneakily gave him the idea that the piggy biscuit was a spiderpig. So now it’s spiderpig to him!! Heheh so much fun molding innocent kids’ minds… 😀

Here’s a video of him singing spiderpig… with me and my mom’s help!

Early education… what can I say? 😀

Two years ago today, a star was born.

Actually it was more like a tiny crying wrinkly thingy wrapped in a bundle…

Herro world!

It is still amazing that a 3.35kg baby can pop out of my sister’s belly. Anyway I’d spent a lot of time with Ryan, and it is difficult for me to say this because I still do not believe in divine power, but if blessed fits what I feel, then so be it.

One month old

I was the one who chose the name ‘Ryan’. I’d asked my sister if I could name the baby, and she said yes. I don’t know where the name ‘Ryan’ came from — sister was opposed to ‘Bryan’, but she agreed to ‘Ryan’. The reason I chose it was because I thought it was a nice sounding name, and at that time I didn’t think it was one of the popular names around. In fact, I don’t know anyone in real life named Ryan.

One step for mankind – first time Ryan holding his own milk bottle

Then later I found out that there was a whole bunch of babies and toddlers being named Ryan. My ex-housemate’s nephew, my ex-housemate’s newborn babe, the bright-eyed boy who used to be our neighbour, Stupe‘s baby…

Also found out later that ‘Ryan’ means ‘little king’. Uh.. what have I done…

Michelin Ryan at 6 months old

Despite all the crying that he is prone to, Ryan is actually quite a good kid (at this point of writing; shouldn’t be too sure about the future). It’d been quite interesting to see most of his ‘firsts’. My sister would gladly fill me in with what he has done, and would nudge him to do it again just so I could see it. His first time crawling, holding his own milk bottle, swaying to music, sloppily feeding himself, attempting to walk, walking, utter gibberish…

Ryan and auntie, March 2006

I’d been afraid that he wouldn’t like me. There might not be a reason not to like me, but you can’t be sure of how chemistry works. Thankfully he does like me, only when my mom is not around, that is…

See, the hierarchy goes this way: my mother, his mother, his two aunties.

Ryan at 8 months old fiddling with my laptop

Hari ini dalam Sejarah – 2006

Ever since I moved in with my sister, I’d been more involved with Ryan’s upbringing. Despite the period where he would cry or force himself to cry and wail non-stop, he’d basically been a breeze to look after. These days it’s even easier — just watch his favourite cartoons with him and he’d be contented. No, we try not to let him watch too much TV. Or take him out for a short ride, he loves that. Problem occurs when he doesn’t want to go home…

Ryan with his grandparents, CNY ’07

Ryan with his mama, should be sometime after CNY ’07

Oh well, he turns two today 😀 My parents are in town, probably going to go for dinner later. My sister bought a cake and made some jelly for him to share with the other kids at his play school, she also prepared some goodie bags filled with healthy and nutritious tit-bits that I told her the kids wouldn’t like, because it’s not fattening 😛

Happy birthday, big boy!