on being brushed aside

Actually I had wanted to write this for a couple of years already.

But somehow it was forgotten, until I read Marina Mahathir’s blog (omg she has one too!) about the Mufti of Perlis, Dr Asri Zainol Abidin. Something about condemning the over-sensitive JAWI dudes who snoop around waiting to tangkap basah overeager lovers. That’s great, I read an interview NST conducted with the man a couple weeks back, he seemed like someone who actually thinks before he speaks, and we all know what a lost trait that is in this country.

But that’s not the point of this post. Marina Mahathir wrote:

Of course, his brother Muftis ( and of course, they are all brothers, no sisters) are calling a meeting to discuss what he’s said about khalwat. Already the condescending tone has set in — “he’s still young”, “it’s just his personal opinion” …

Then you can imagine people getting all pissy and going, omg wtf you mean he is still young and his opinions don’t matter and he’s like the bestest mufti we’ve had in the longest time omg wtf you old fashioned folks bla ble blu bli blo.

So it is with great satisfaction that I say the following to the general public: Fuck.You.

Ever had a discussion with someone that you thought was going so great because you presented valid argumentative points from your perspective about an issue you feel strongly about, then to be brutally crushed down with a “you don’t know what you are talking about lah, you are still young, you will know/ understand/ change your mind/ think differently when you are older.”

Youngsters like me who didn’t seek to be right all the time, merely discussing what we thought about certain things, from what little we know from our limited experiences, then given a unsatisfying answer like that, just because we are youngER. That’s age discrimination, and it’s a demoralising thing when you are at the receiving end.

Of course when you are youngER, you tend to be more idealistic than others. Thinking that you can make a difference, thinking that you can take on the world, change the way people think, eventually change the way things are. Okay, maybe that is TOO idealistic, but I’m telling you, everyone goes through this phase. Perhaps the elders went through the ‘I’ve eaten more salt than you have eaten rice so stfu’ berating from THEIR elders, and are now passing this on. But is it really something you want to pass on to the younger generation? ‘STFU you will learn when you are older so whatever I am saying is right and you are wrong and this discussion is nonsense so take it elsewhere.’

Dudes, I was giving YOU the honour to discuss things with ME. I was under the impression that you lot were knowledgeable and mature enough to talk to, perhaps even guide a young ciku in the big bad world. To give you the benefit of the doubt, I’d say you were lazy to elaborate. Maybe because you have been through the same scenario with many kids, and got tired of repeating yourself. That I can accept. But wouldn’t it be better and more fruitful to say something like, “I do not quite agree with you, because based on my experiences, if you continue to feel the same about some stuff, well I only wish for you not to go through what I did, that is learning things the hard way.”

Instead we have the ‘you will know when you are older lah’ and that irritating all-knowing smile, as if it was an inside joke.

Surely we all grow up. We learn things differently. Kids are not always right, but adults are often no better. But it seems that manusia mudah lupa, and the preferred action is to put down the kids instead of guiding them to the right path, whatever the right path is.

THAT I cannot tahan. So before anyone of you get upset by the other muftis’ statement, go look into the mirror first. You lot probably encouraged this thinking, and I am just thankful that I know better now. No thanks to you.

This incoherent rant was brought to you by 5 hours of sleep then waking up at 3 am.



  1. Giant Sotong says:

    Reading the title, I was sure you weren’t writing about yourself – who’d brush you aside? ๐Ÿ˜Ž

    Good weekend!

  2. omg, I know exactly what you mean, and it’s my pet peeve too. It’s as if anything you say, no matter how well thought out or well research is null and void because there’s not enough white hair on your head (i now have quite a bit. and i’m still young, dammit!!).

    It’s simply a case of people who just don’t want to engage because they think their experience informs them sufficiently about “the world”, and because their beliefs are reinforced in one way or another by what they went through, they believe they know best. I hate that: it’s as if one or two experiences are enough proof of one’s own “right thinking”.

    Worse, some old folks just don’t like younger folks to be right: for some reason they think it offends some sense of propriety when in fact it just punctures their inflated egos and self-righteous attitudes.

    Jesus, it’s like you can’t be right unless you’re 50!!

  3. Marina Mahathir is in the front page of Newsweek this week and YOU, yes YOU are the Time Magazine person of the year.

  4. hear hear! i respect knowledge. i respect what’s right. i don’t give a shit about how old the person in the wrong is, so kena lah from mom. said i’m disrespectful to elders. will get struck by lightning. wtf.

  5. GS: trust me, it has happened, many times ๐Ÿ™‚ or maybe the problem was me omg ๐Ÿ˜›

    xpyre: agreed! ah well. hopefully things are changing. people shouldn’t be afraid of the unknown. well, this coming from a girl who fears death, is a bit rich, hehe ๐Ÿ˜›

    neeshen: I am like, well honoured ๐Ÿ˜€

    Chen: when it comes to elders, if they are in the wrong, i won’t go all out to correct them (esp if I didn’t ask for their opinion in the first place!). The more you tell someone that s/he is wrong, the more s/he will stick to his or her opinion, and resent you. So, why bother ๐Ÿ˜€

    Dale Carnegie rocks ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I just tak tahan those who seemingly wanted to hear from you, then when you talk talk talk then you get shot down with age discrimination. waste my time only

  6. EastMalaysianInKL says:

    If it makes you feel any better, I’m waaaaay older then you but my mom would rather take advise from the maid (who’s only had up to mid-secondary education), the neighbour (a housewife for the last 30 years), her niece (a high school drop out selling illegal 4D), wife of my father’s ex-colleague turn conmen whose daughter is also a conwoman, and just about every other person eventhough she’s just met them, then from me, a college grad, with a PhD on Life Science from the university of hard knocks; not withstanding the fact that I’m her son and has been taking care of her for years.

    Now THAT, is seriously, F***ing baffling…

  7. Well if it’s your parents, then I’d understand a bit lah. Parents never think their kids do grow up. In their minds, the kids will always be 5, and will need to be scraped out of one trouble or the other ๐Ÿ˜›

    But I sympathise ๐Ÿ˜€

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