i found the wmd. that’s right, me.

22. September 2006, 0:00 UhrUncategorisedSuanie

I tell you, all this USA vs Iraq, Iran bs is plain nonsense and child’s play. All the drama-lama is just a ploy to shift your attention from the REAL enemy.

In short, it was just to get oil, pure and simple.

You know, I have no qualms with that. Really. Cars, like us need to drink too, else they would get dehydrated and sputter and die. And since USA has more cars and trucks and bikes and what-not than say, Mongolia, it is fine that they need to obtain the oil, and some other people need to suffer for it. Too bad.

But why can’t they say that out right, huh? Why all the hiding behind a seemingly noble cause of relieving a country from WMD? So NOW they actually HAVE to look for the WMD in order not to look like stupid fucks who don’t know the reason they fucked a couple countries up down front back left right.

They aren’t looking at the right places.

The WMDs are not in the Middle East.

I know WHO has the WEAPONS of MASS DESTRUCTION!

That’s right ladies and gentlemen. A little bird told it to me, and now I tell it to you. The ever-elusive WMD are in fact…

right here…

in…

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MALAYSIA!!!!!!!!!

Surprising, isn’t it? I kid you not. You know, I’ve always wondered why the US never really suspected Malaysia for harbouring WMDs and stuff that blows up. Just because we make ourselves out to be the progressive Islamic country doesn’t mean we can’t keep a nuke or two! Just in case we get too bored of all the peace-shizzy you know. Nukes are big. Big things are fun. We like nukes.

War is good for business anyway. Helps spur the economy.

Anyway like I said, I got this info from a little bird. The little bird then flew away and got shot in the head for tweeting too damn much. I am not a fan of happy birds.

And today, I finally saw it. I saw the WMD. Right in front of me was the most feared shizz in the history of mankind, because there won’t be a mankind AFTER we use it. We humanoids are bent on self-destruction, it seems.

If you are ready to see what I saw, I present to you…

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wmd

WMD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, lame Friday joke. It’s my birthday so I’m allowed. Moving on.

By the way if you are from the government, I would like to state loud and clear that this pretty much useless post is meant as a lame joke. JOKE, you know the type that makes people go ‘hee hee haa haa fucking noob’. There is a reason why I am not a stand up comedian in real life. Please don’t put me in prison, kthx.

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54 comments:


  1. MichelleSY, 22. September 2006, 0:06

    Happy Birthday Suanie!!

     
  2. reallybites, 22. September 2006, 0:13

    happy birthdayyy!

     
  3. James, 22. September 2006, 2:16

    Happy Birthday Suanie!

     
  4. Ted, 22. September 2006, 4:50

    [GROAN] Stand-up? More like a hit and run comedienne, I reckon. ;-)

    On that note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    [Ted clears throat] Ahem. [song and softshoe routine]

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
    ENJOY A LO-CARB PIJIU
    PERHAPS MORE THAN TWO!

    [Kermit the Frog arm wave]

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

    Have a good one!

    Cheers,

    Ted

     
  5. Pinky, 22. September 2006, 7:12

    happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear suanie, happy birthday to you……muaaaaakkkkkkksssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!! may all your wishes come true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

     
  6. stupe, 22. September 2006, 7:55

    Happy Birthday Suanie!

     
  7. KY, 22. September 2006, 8:50

    worst post EVAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

     
  8. wan2, 22. September 2006, 8:56

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUU!!! Many happy returns of the day (whatever that means)!!
    To hell with the atkins diet today! Come to sg and i’ll treat u to a brownie so big my mom thought it was a cake from the photographs.

    i don’t even know how old you are leh. when i was a kid u took me n my bro up to ur room by climbing that ladder..and i thought u were the coolest cousin ever. haha..

     
  9. Dean Arif, 22. September 2006, 8:59

    Happy BIRDday Suanie! Don’t get shot down you happy bird you!

     
  10. Dean Arif, 22. September 2006, 9:06

    Suanie,

    Agree with you. When you dissect down to the root cause of all the mass destructions on earth, the elemental cause is the HUNGER for oil. That means the very machines that we all use today. So, naik basikal ajelah…

    TGIF, beer tonight?

     
  11. Alvin, 22. September 2006, 9:29

    Appy 25th Birdday!!!!!
    =X

     
  12. Vagus, 22. September 2006, 9:44

    we do have WMDs. malaysia has a stockpile of chemical weapons. if you load up a warhead with durians that would take out every angmoh in a 3 mile-radius. don’t play play.

     
  13. Giant Sotong, 22. September 2006, 10:03

    Happy Birthday!

     
  14. Fireangel, 22. September 2006, 10:04

    *hugssss*

     
  15. S-Kay, 22. September 2006, 10:16

    *hugs* You share the same birthday as my mum =)

     
  16. See Ming, 22. September 2006, 10:18

    Happy happy bday Suanie!

    Cheers, SM

     
  17. Galvin, 22. September 2006, 10:21

    Harpee Burpday!!

    Have a whole lotsa beers!

     
  18. pablopabla, 22. September 2006, 10:28

    Happy Birthday!

    Fancy spending birthdays in Kamunting? Those fellas cannot take jokes like this. LOL!

     
  19. Chen, 22. September 2006, 10:31

    happy birthday!

    you’re like the 3rd person I know whose birthday is today.

    imma gonna go buy toto wheeee

     
  20. amy2kyo, 22. September 2006, 11:19

    Happy Bday ^^

     
  21. Anzi, 22. September 2006, 11:22

    Happy Birthday Suanie!

     
  22. Dr. Tan, 22. September 2006, 11:56

    生日快乐！
    万岁不老。

     
  23. deriku, 22. September 2006, 12:09

    happy birthday suanie!

     
  24. The Snark, 22. September 2006, 12:16

    Happy birthday. So you want a ride on a motorbike issit?

     
  25. a-non-e-mouse, 22. September 2006, 12:58

    Happy birthday… to you…
    Happy birthday… to you…
    Happy birthday… Dear… Dear… Suanieeeee….
    Happy… birthday… to… youuuuuuuu…

    (ala Marilyn Monroe, recently covered by Paris Hilton and Anna Nicole Smith)

    i love you

     
  26. ShaolinTiger, 22. September 2006, 13:42

    Happy Birthday the Suan.

     
  27. yzzi, 22. September 2006, 13:42

    hahahaha, lawak lah..happy birthday suan,muah!

     
  28. Adam, 22. September 2006, 14:05

    A very happy birthday Suanie. Regarding the WMDs -Beat you to it. Some near my office too hehehe

    http://ok-lah.blogspot.com/2005/03/wmds-in-malaysia.html

     
  29. simon, 22. September 2006, 14:06

    ok fine. since it you’re birthday, you’re entitled to one lame noob joke. Tomorrow, well, let’s see you get back with the programming…!

    Happy birthday.

     
  30. chris, 22. September 2006, 14:08

    Happy Birthday!!

     
  31. anttyk, 22. September 2006, 15:59

    Have a blessed birthday Suanie.

    Joke made me laugh…

     
  32. WMD, 22. September 2006, 17:41

    Happy Birthday Suanie.

    Wait a minute there is another WMD in M’sia…the name of my blog :) which stands for Wife, Mother, Daughter.

     
  33. spiller, 22. September 2006, 18:30

    Happy Birthday Suanie.

     
  34. Dabido(Teflon), 22. September 2006, 19:42

    All this time I’ve been hiding from American’s as I thought WMD = We Molest Dabido’s!

    Phew, do I feel releived now! :-)

     
  35. xialanxue, 22. September 2006, 20:18

    Happy Suanie Day!

    xlx, your biggest idol

     
  36. twisted heels, 22. September 2006, 21:02

    Happy Birthday!

    Have been quite a frequent reader in your blog now :)

     
  37. Kuzco, 22. September 2006, 21:23

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

     
  38. Bryan, 22. September 2006, 22:16

    Omg, you are the 3rd person I know whose birthday falls on Sep 22nd! All of you staying in KL too! :D

    Happy Birthday, Suanie!

     
  39. Lainie, 22. September 2006, 22:59

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D

    (the communists have the WMDs, of course)

     
  40. Peter, 22. September 2006, 23:40

    Buuuuuuurp….

     
  41. mad, 22. September 2006, 23:53

    Hahaha. You so funny! Let Suanie eat cake, flock Atkins. Happy birthday! And you know what buddhists say about birth ya.

     
  42. mrs jeff buckley, 23. September 2006, 0:17

    happy effing birthday babe =))

    muacksssssssssss

    quarter of century old eh? hehehhe

     
  43. a-non-e-mouse, 23. September 2006, 8:32

    xialanxue, you are her biggest idol? oh-kay…

     
  44. Landymagma7, 23. September 2006, 8:59

    My man the Snark says it was your birthday.

    Happy Birthday Lady.

    Landy. xxx.

     
  45. Sashi, 23. September 2006, 12:18

    Happy birthday!

     
  46. straymana, 23. September 2006, 17:53

    Happy Birthday! Many many happy returns :-)

     
  47. Robert Garding, 24. September 2006, 2:11

    Happy Birthday to you too…it was mine too…but still …. you are wrong.

    If the problem was oil, the United States has a big supply of the stuff the for years and years the Democrats have been doing everything they can to make sure that we stay dependant on foreign oil. This whole thing with the war for oil is fictitious. We have the oil ourselves…we don’t need it, but the democrats have been lobbying against drilling for it with stupid things like wildlife endangerment. It is technologically possible to drill without destroying the ecosystem.

    And the War on Terror is because of an attack on the United States on September 11, 2001 if you have forgotten.

    God Bless America
    -Robert-

     
  48. Suanie, 24. September 2006, 2:18

    Thank you thank you all :D

    Ted: I wasn’t that bad, was I? :D

    KY: best post evarrr!!!!

    wan2: really? it was the stairs la not exactly ladder heheh… 25 this yr, and like i said, will be your turn not too far away :P

    Dean: beer? what’s that? i no understand :D

    Vagus: from another perspective it could be heaven. ask my mom :D

    S-kay: oO happy belated birthday auntie :D

    pablopabla: dowan lah. atkins diet kenot eat curry rice

    Chen: i know another person who shares my bday heh

    The Snark: why not :D

    Adam: damn, i thought i was v. original :P

    Dabs: really? there is a market for that? :P

    twisted heels: heh welcome :P

    Lainie: so do the capitalists :P

    mad: i didn’t touch the cake! :D yah buddhists say i shouldn’t have been born

    Robert: happy belated birthday to you :) should have put it better, problem was control for oil :D nah i didn’t forget 9/11, though I remember these too : http://www.suanie.net/2005/09/11/remembering-911/

    ;)

     
  49. J, 24. September 2006, 3:13

    Hmmmm, I seem to be a bit late (but better late then never, right?): HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
    :)

     
  50. Ted, 24. September 2006, 3:34

    No, you’re not. Though a bit of a groaner, it was still amusing, especially the way that you string the reader along - which can be an artform in itself.

    I have a similar joke I use an cat lovers regarding a sick moggy, a gallon of petrol and a bonfire. [snicker]

    Hope you had a good b-day!

    Cheers,

    Ted

     
  51. Dabido(Teflon), 24. September 2006, 16:10

    Suan - Weeeeell, technically YES, Japanese keep chasing me with harpoons trying to turn me into MOS burgers. I just assumed the American’s were trying to do the same! :-)

     
  52. Alynna, 24. September 2006, 17:22

    Happy birthday and best wishes, Suanie!! :D

     
  53. ahseng, 26. September 2006, 13:56

    hur hur hur….

    happy belated birthday suanie.

    yer ex housemate had a WMD too.

     
  54. Suanie, 26. September 2006, 16:08

    J and Alynna: thanks! :D

    Ted: I did (have a good bday), thanks :D

    Dabs: That is going to keep playing in my mind tonight…

    ahseng: thank you thank you… they are everywhere

     

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