As Suanie Sees It

Home alone this weekend. I could:

1) Run around the house naked screaming yamate yamate
2) Set the kitchen on fire
3) Crank up the stereo and invite friends over for a wild house party
4) Buy a hamster and brutally murder it in the living room then clean up. No one else would have to know
5) Rape a monkey
6) Exhilarate myself to Czech porn (inside joke)
7) Bring home random guys one after the other
Write another two things I could do to make it a full 10

Instead I am watching lots and lots of DVDs. Mr. Vampire rocks.

Regulars to this blog would know of the shameless unadulterated self-whoring ‘Date Suanie‘ campaign that didn’t quite make it. It’s been more than a year, success rate zero and that post serves as a painful lesson why no one should ever pimp themselves like that. Evar.

That is if you are really looking for a boyfriend lah

So when Audrey of FEMALE mag e-mailed and asked if I would like to be part of a feature yadda yadda bloggers yadda yadda, I of course took it up. I am not a blog-ho for nothing.

The feature was published in their October 2006 issue.

Haha, funny write-up. FYI, I didn’t write it Four other bloggers featured are Bunny Wunny, Jenn Tai, Oliviasy and Cynthia Foo.

Scanned pages. Click to enlarge.

Normally I don’t do this (i.e. scan stuff and what not) but for some reason I am finding the entire affair quite funny. So let me enjoy myself lah.

When it comes to hot chicks, there seems to be a standard rule that applies — the friend. You know lah the routine — you meet a hot chick at a bar, at a club, at a restaurant, or some place you two decided on because it was your first time meeting, and somehow or the other she always brings a friend.

Since we are talking about body image here, there are two possibilities when it comes the friend. She could either be 1) as hot as the hot chick you meet; 2) not good-looking but not ugly or 3) ugly. These 3 types of ‘the friend’ in turn falls under two categories: a) smart, friendly and gracious, or b) stuck up like the worst bitch in hell evar.

Now, about the friend. Most likely she is hot chick’s personal therapist, because as hot chicks go they are usually more mentally fucked up than the average-looking chick. The friend offers logical perspectives and sound advise which hot chick relies on. The friend eventually becomes a pillar of support, a shoulder to cry on, basically fulfilling all the duties of being ‘the friend’.

If you are the guy trying to get to know hot chick better, the friend may seem as an annoyance, because she is there. The friend is most likely to be the one who tells hot chick NOT to drink another LIT, NOT to be so friendly to strangers and NOT to go home with you. But the rule is, when chatting up hot chick, you’d also have to make conversation with the friend in order to gain brownie points. When it comes to sisterhood, everyone knows that you have to be extra nice to the friend in order to score with hot chick. The friend is almost positive to make or break your acquintance with hot chick.

I have always been the friend.

So be nice to me, dammit

Hi my name is Suanie. It’s been more than 11 days since I’ve touched alcoholic beverages. I need a damn drink, like 5 days ago!!!!!

O precious beer
Your golden liquid
White frothy bubbles
So orgasmic

That little problem with beer craving aside, I’m super thanks for asking.

Mom bought me something called Bexlim to aid my project. Feel free to google it if you want, I’ll probably explain more later when I am not so sleepy.

Ate a wee bit of carbs today, so still doing 80% of Atkins.

Here’s the interesting update: walked for an hour round and round a park near my house with Spongefox. Sweated lots. Felt great.

Btw I bought a weighing machine. I weigh 77kg. I stand at 166cm. You do the math.

Nites!

Bulan Ramadhan is here, yay! I maintain that the Ramadhan bazaars are the best part of Ramadhan.

To my Muslim friends, puasa, jangan tak puasa k?

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Massive Benz boot to fit a Suan, a Kerol and a Fireangel.

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Seriously need a haircut. I feel like cheating on my regular hairdresser and go someplace nearer to my area, but I am scared of the repercussions. How?!?!? Why the good (and not expensive) ones must set up shop so damn far away?!?

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Emily’s doing The Oral Stage, here’s a lil’ pimp. All copied and pasted from her e-mail ‘cos I can’t really think of something original to write at the moment.

The Oral Stage is back with its third season!

fiftynineminutes.
original short plays and monologues performed within one hour.

“Two friends discover faith, direction and the truth. An actress whom we all like to hate. A bitter past haunts a bitterer couple. A girl finds beauty in ugliness. A man and a woman make love over dinner. A fellow Malaysian makes the country proud. And a group of roommates bring back the dead- all within fiftynineminutes”

About The Oral Stage
“Founded in 2004, TOS is a group of theatre-curious youth who discover its magic by immersing themselves in the theatre experience. A growing nonprofit theatre company, it members come from all walks of life and are brought together by the belief in entertainment, education and self-expression through the stage. Now in its third season, TOS strives to banish the misconception (if there ever was) that theatre is for the elite by making it more accessible to the public, mainly young people.”

When: September 28th - October 1st 2006 @ 8.30 pm
Where: The Dram Projects, BG06 Happy Mansion Apartments, Jalan 17/13 46400 PJ
Tickets: RM10
Ticket contact and directions: Louisa Low @ 0163757833

Sounds fun. I’m going.