whose law is it anyway?

Posted at May 12, 2006

Good evening and welcome to Suanie News.

On the local front, Malaysians are once again stumped by the illogical series of actions following Opposition party leader Lim Kit Siang’s motion to highlight a News Straits Times published front-page report about a MP who had interfered in the seizure of illegal sawn timber from Indonesia. The MP, later identified as Mohd Said Yusof (BN-Jasin) had asked the Customs and Excise Department to “tutup sebelah mata” (”close one eye”) on the incident, for the first time publicly breaking the unspoken code of how businessmen and gomen individuals in Malaysia have been practising business for donkey years.

In an unbizare twist of events, Mohd Said admits that he is the “sole proprietor of the company [Binyu Sof Enterprise] which transported a consignment of imported logs seized by Customs last month”. Mohd Said Bin Yusof, geddit? He also attempted to justify his interference with this cute analogy,

It is like you’re driving on the highway where the speed limit is 110kph. But you drive at 150kph, and you’re stopped by the police. What would you do? You will say, “please, sir”.

Source: News Straits Times

Upon hearing the example given to aid Mohd Said’s case, pimp-extraordinaire KY of KY Speaks fame gave his comment,

“Bullshit la…”

Meanwhile, Lim Kit Siang’s motion to refer the Jasin MP to the privileges committee was supported by the Barisan Nasional (Malaysia’s ruling coalition party) Backbenchers Club chairperson, Shahrir Abdul Samad. In layman’s terms, it would have meant the implicated party (or to save my ass, ANY implicated party) would be brought to stand in front of some people who would be totally bored out of their minds listening to the wails and pleas of ‘I didn’t do it’, ‘It wasn’t me’ and ‘Okay maybe it was me but I swear that this is normal practise’. In an ideal world, the person would be found guilty and be handed to Andre the Giant for a good seeing to from behind. Then The Undertaker would give him the Tombstone. Then the bees would get him. Realistically, if the implicated party was a member of the parliament and found guilty after a 10-month period of deliberation, he would be given a ’stern warning’ and told to write a letter of apology to the sovereign. The ruling prime minister would also give him a ’stern warning’ and tell him, the media and the country that the person would never do it again, or else. Hypothetically if the implicated party was a normal person like you and I, he or she would be fined a moderate amount of money, spend a couple months in jail for ‘threatening a customs officer’ and be told never to do it again. I said hypothetically because in the real world, you and I will never be able to walk up to a customs officer and tell him to close an eye for excess baggage.

In a brilliant and calculated move leftover from the Mahathir iron-fist era to save their political hides, no one in Shahrir’s club would back him up in his support of the Opposition’s motion. This caused Shahrir to be onion-eyed as he rightly lamented, “I had hoped that they would because it was meant to safeguard the autonomy of Parliament and the dignity of MPs.” He then resigned his position as the chairperson of the Barisan Nasional Backbenchers Club, you know, because he felt that it was the right thing to do. At that time.

Sharir’s resignation was accepted by the Deputy Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak, which basically means that he is truly kthxbai. The Prime Minister Abdullah Badawi later said that Najib had done the ‘right thing’, which means that Sharir is gg-ed (thanks Spongefox for the reference). Mohd Nazri, a minister in the Prime Minister’s Dept. kindly pointed out that it was as good as a rule that MPs of Barisan Nasional DO NOT support any motions by the opposition. The next day newspapers screamed headlines like, “Toe the Line, says PM” and “Pak Lah cracks the whip” and similar stuff like that.

HowThisWorks.suanie.net — if you are a Barisan Nasional MP, you cannot agree with anything motioned by any opposition members. If someone motions to lift death sentence in Malaysia, it is your responsibility to point out how the fear of the rope would make potential druggists and vendors to think twice before they use the white powder, and to appreciate how cotton-clouds-fragile life is. If someone is brave enough to want to make Samy Vellu pay all the citizens of Malaysia a sum of money as a sincere apology for the sorry state of our roads and highways and all the incidents that followed his position as the Works Minister, you must vehemently oppose (and bear the brunt of the rakyat’s anger). An acquaintance with overworked imagination quipped, “If the opposition says condolence to Tun Ghabar Baba’s family, you must oppose, nooo cannnnottt no condolences!!!“. A little off the mark (since it’s not a motion to be tabled) but the general idea is there.

Meanwhile the KBSR/KBSM education system continues to churn out Malaysians who study by rote and not made to think for themselves.

The drama continues. Popcorn-laden Malaysians await with breath that is bated.

Entertainment News:

We have a special request from a reader to spread the following news:

Dylan wrote:

Amir Muhammad’s documentary, THE LAST COMMUNIST, has been banned in Malaysia after being approved by the Malaysian Film Censorship Board to screen uncut (and being approved by Singapore’s censors to play uncut). It was even screened (by special request) for the Special Branch unit of the Malaysian police force. But a campaign by a conservative paper (Bloody Berita Harian) to generate a phony public outcry over the film seems to have resulted in the Malaysian Ministry of Home Affairs banning the film throughout Malaysia (it was supposed to open on 3 screens). Read the detail in his blog here.

It is the superior minds’ understanding that Berita Harian is not and does not represent the public. Perhaps we should get Lim Kit Siang to table a motion for a R&D cente to implement a totalitarian method so that the rakyat could be injected with a serum that would make them worship the grounds the gomen floats on. Actual Yes (Wo)Men. Trouble No More. We are awaiting Raja Azmi to appear on national television for her piece of mind on this issue. Raja Azmi as you well know, is the critically-acclaimed writer of the epic movies ‘Black Widow’ and ‘Cinta 200 Ela’ and producer for the former. She is also a virtuous Muslim wife who would never hear of her husband stepping into the kitchen. A role model like no other. We should be so grateful.

Technology — TM Net has made it to the illustrious Wikipedia.org. Check out TM Net’s wiki listing here. Quote, “Most of the phone operators or customer service officers employed by TMnet aren’t computer literate.” Unquote.

Sports — There is no sports. Alex Yoong is a sick twisted figment of our imaginations. If we are lucky.

Weather — rainy, sunny, rainy, sunny, rainy, sunny, rainy, sunny.

Sources: News Straits Times, go browse the archives or search for dumb political moves ‘Jasin’ or ‘Shahrir’ or whatever you feel is relevant. Also, Jeff Ooi and Teresa Kok.

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