i remember
When you first asked me to go back with you, my friends were more than disapproving. But the initial three days I spent with you turned out to be my life changing moment - at least the penetration of feelings that slowly broke my barriers, if any for I was still rather naive, a mask of sophistication that peeled off as you delight in my youthfulness.
Another place another time, I walked into a restaurant where you were (im)patiently awaiting with some friends, then I appeared feeling a confidence I did not feel when you whispered, “I’d forgotten how beautiful you are” sealed with a kiss so sweet as I could only smile awkwardly, for I was flattered the virgin that I was. You, who have seen countless beautiful women during your life journey and travels thought I was beautiful. You, who went to so many places, seen so many things, thought of me as the most glittering diamond. You thought I was beautiful. You looked at me with all the love in the world. You teased me ever so lightly, a certain wit a whole new level that never failed to amuse me, allowing me to realize and appreciate the gem that you are, your life philosophy though you seldom if ever follow them, your wicked smile so kind and gentle that I love you so.
You weren’t perfect. I didn’t want you to be perfect. But you were too imperfect for young idealistic me. Promises broken.
It was not your undying love that I seek, nor your 24/7 physical presence. The former would be too Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White. The latter I know to be impossible. For which I’d yearned for, for which I knew would never be and accepted.
But the same sweet lips you kissed me so ardently with, the same lips that explored the rest of me, the same lips that did not follow though. Days, weeks, months, years. How often you disappointed me, made me cry, let me down. The first time I cried so hard as if a parent lost. Even now I remember exactly how I felt. How I despaired. How I wept, how you never came. The last straw was that you never even called, not even to explain, moreover console.
You taught me to love. And I did love again, for the one who held me though uncertainties, who once asked me what I was so afraid of, who love me enough to want to be with me, whom I dared to love back in spite of reservations; he was perfect for me. At least for a while. But for that short period of not withholding anything back, I thank you. You opened my body, mind and soul like I never did. I was alive. I would not have changed a thing.
I’d told you some of this when we met. I never did tell you the rest for I was sure I found him. I wanted to start anew; finally someone who awakened what was left of me, to discover something more. With him I felt hope, I felt spring. With him, I felt like I could let you go.
Little did I know.
But I am glad. For barely a year later, though I am alone and lonely, dealt with a bad pack of cards that is fate, destiny and decisions, I am not bitter. Far from it, I still believe.
It didn’t stop me from thinking about you all the time, even now at this very moment. I bet you wouldn’t have realized the magnitude of your existence in my life if I didn’t tell you so, nor expected it. Neither did I. But like you told me, when you love someone, there is no reason but to just love.
I’ll remember.
The necklace.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you!
Flower?
beautifully written
*sniff sniff*
Just remember I’m always downstairs…with another bottle of Martell.
Suanie:
eh akak, what’s with the bottles? u opening martell shop ka?
omg where is my martell you evil suan.
touching…
It felt like I was reading Chicken Soup.
*bawls*
write somemoreeeee!!!!!111oneone
Was that Suanie blogging?
Suanie:
dunno.. was it?
So sad.. happy valentine’s day
Suanie:
same same
Happy Valentine’s Day. I’ll lick your lips anytime!
Suanie:
That’s nice but who are you?
You could at least buy us all a box of tissues if you’re going to write such stuff!
Hoegarrdan Pint GOOOOD
Suanie:
BESTEST EVARRRRRRRR
feeling a little romantic?
Suanie:
jiwang, u mean
THAT’s IT WOMAN. you’re never, NEVEr drinking without me again.
*sniff sniff*
someone pass me a tissue adi!
why is everyone in the ‘jiwang’ mode?
Heyyy, i’ll drink with you erna and fa!
get your ass down here and I’ll buy you some Paulaners….
Tiffany’s necklace?
Suanie:
fuwahhh if i date u will u buy me a tiffany’s necklace?
“…the same lips that explored the rest of me, the same lips that did not follow though…”
Well, in a way, kissing is a bit like tennis…..there’s got to be a follow through.
*raises mug*
Salud.
a hint of lost codger’s in u eh? happy v day… beautiful & sweet
awwwwww
misai anyone?
I loved reading this post. Struck a chord with me.
i remember too. happy valentines day darling. xxx
wow. this more than strikes a chord. A heartfelt reflection I can’t possibly imitate. good on you