tuesdays are confusing

I want but I don’t want, I want but I don’t want, I want but I don’t want, I want but I don’t want.

I should but I cannot, I should but I cannot, I should but I cannot, I should but I cannot.

Maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not.

So I ended up didn’t.

mondays are confuckulated

I have a new word I could use and it’s all thanks to Michael Ooi.

CONFUCKULATED

I have no idea what it means. How do con and lated get in the way of fuck? Jaime and I were scratching our heads thinking of possible word integrations and we could only think of these:

conscience fuck
contracted fuckulation
confused and fucked
continuous fuck

Obviously we didn’t scratch for very long because it was a Saturday and we had some shopping to do. But the point is, how do you justify a word so beautiful as confuckulated? Michael?

I mean, I have a penchant for misusing words. It could almost be my trademark. The most obvious word that I regularly misuse is the word gay. Like, ST is not a homosexual but he can be very gay. Not deliriously happy but gay. Then I use this word a lot and people would ask me, why do you define gay like that? I don’t know. Maybe I have nothing better to do. But to me the word is so befitting that it overlaps the original definitions, hence the very regular usage.

If you want fabulous gays, here they are :
Bryanboy the original LV Prada totting superstar.
Trent, Pink is the new blog. Just absolutely hillarious, his boyfriend hot and it’s his birthday tomorrow.
Jay in London. A new discovery actually thanks to T-boy.

I love them.

So even though I do not know the real definition of confuckulated, I’ve been using the word regularly since Saturday. That was when I really gave a thought to it… well simply because it wouldn’t leave my mind! Jaime and I spent a great deal of time talking about confuckulated and when we reached Colours we both shoot off a SMS to Michael with just the word confuckulated. We don’t know why. Maybe it was brought on by the ugly low quality clothes at Colours.

Nah I love Colours. It is very… erm… colourful. They make my expensive curtains look good.

Anyway here are some snippets from our conversations :

“… bla bla bla he did this bla bla bla he did that bla bla bla and he thinks he wouldn’t get caught? Pfft that is so confuckulated!”

“bla la di la da bla he trying to gain sympathy or what? I hate it when they twist reality to fit into their little own worlds of fantasy… insecure confuckulated bastards…”

“This place is confuckulated.”

“She is such a confuckulated airhead, I want to strangle her and feed her to the dogs.”

“OMG THAT DRESS IS SO CONFUCKULATED!!!”

So versatile and fits in every occasion!

It’s Monday and I got lots of shite to do, never a good start to a week. Mondays are confuckulated.

My mom is in town and she’s in the hospital puasa-ing for tomorrow’s laser op. She had a very painful manual op last October to remove some massive kidney stones, she goes to the Selayang Hospital for regular check-ups and now she has to get the residue from the last op out before they do anymore harm.

Kidney stones are so confuckulated.

MAXIS barred my line because my bill payment from Alliance on-line banking did not go through… even though they deducted RM150 from my account. How confuckulated is that?

I am going to bleed soon, I feel so fat and sad, I want to bite people. I feel so confuckulated.

Sigh. I love you all.

5 reasons why you should date suanie!

You know what? This is it. I look everywhere and everyone’s happy being part of a couple, holding hands, la-da-di-la-ing in their happy happy world of two (or more) some. Ain’t bloody well fair, I think to myself. Why aren’t I part of the action, ANY action??? Maybe it’s because of a variety of things, but in my not so humble opinion the photograph of me in The Star here smashed the cupcake.

CAN YOU SAY BLOATED?!?

This being the final straw, I have to take matters into my own hands. Not I want to, I HAVE TO! If not for the sake of MY happiness then at least for the sake of my friends who would be glad to have me stop bitching and whining, something which I would so not totally do IF I HAD A BOYFRIEND!

So I am launching a WORLDWIDE campaign, as wide as it would go, penetrate the four corners of earth and all that to help ME get laid a boyfriend. Or at least a date. And I am asking you, my friends to get thoroughly involved in this worthwhile cause, help the needy and so on.

I AM CHARITY!!!

I totally understand the need to provide some reasons as to why anyone would want to date me. Show cause as they say. Who is this Suanie and why date her? Well you can read all about the ‘who’ part in About Me. It’s the ‘why’ part I need to tell you because if everyone knew why, I wouldn’t be so dateless and single as I am now, would I?

Now let’s get down to business. Please spread the word. I AM love.

Five Reasons Why You Should Date Suanie

1. I am an easy-going gal and very flexible

Contrary to popular belief, I am not that fussy, really. A true Malaysian, I believe in upholding the ‘chin-cai lah’ principle and often go to great lengths to exercising it. What do I want for dinner? Anything. What movie do I want to watch? Anything. Which colour I like best, blue or red? Anything.

This does not mean that I do not have my own opinions. It’s just that sometimes I feel too much argument leads to nowhere but splitsville. What does it matter if I drink teh tarik or teh O ais? At the end of the day it’s just to quench my thirst, right? So long we all happy happy get along together hold hand and all, I mean, all these are small and quite insignificant matters. Not like you are asking me if I want to buy a single or double storey house, right?

At the best of times, I know what is important and what is not important. I know when and when not to be flexible.

But I do not drink San Miguel.

2. I give you your space

I understand that everyone’s got his or her own life. I too have my own life to lead, got things to take care of, family and friends to see. I am not the type to totally cram your lifestyle just because we are together as a couple. Being the understanding person that I am, I know that being together does not mean having to do everything together. Sure I want to do things to WITH you, but I know that there are some things you need to do by yourself. Like going to the toilet. Or going out with the boys. Or seeing your ex-girlfriend for a casual meet-up.

Haha, just kidding.

No, seriously.

3. I am an affectionate, loving person

Underneath this tough leathery rubber exterior is a warm-blooded passionate affectionate romantic sentimental girl who is not afraid to express it. When you are down I hold your hand. When you feel like moaning I have a shoulder for ya. When you need a hug, look no further. I embrace PDA but I won’t go OTT.

You should be so lucky.

4. I am in touch with my feminine side

You know like how some girls get cheesed off if you open the door for them? “Oh you think I cannot open my own door is it, you chauvinist pig?” Well, Suanie is not like that. Suanie truly appreciates gentlemanly conduct and loves it if you open or hold a door for her. You want to buy me a drink? Why, that is very kind of you (beer only please), thank you.

And I can actually cook. If I want to.

Sometimes I squeal and simper, sometimes I skip a bit, sometimes I giggle. I ADORE wearing skirts, the more layers the better. I look good in high heels.

Heck, I look good in ANYTHING! Talk about versatility!

5. I’m just FUN to be with!

I know it’s a bit cliche to say this, but I am really fun to be with! I can crack silly jokes, I can be a smart ass, I can go serious ala Jeff Ooi, metamorphose be my middle name. I am not afraid to try new things. New adventures? Sign me up please.

I CAN MAKE YOU SMILE!!!

And I love kids. Really, I do.

So how was that for reasons? Good enough? Of course they are! What are you waiting for??? If I don’t get a date after this, gosh there must be something REALLY wrong with this world! You want to talk about the changing of society? Society would be DAMNED if I don’t get a boyfriend! It would be like… like… the end of the world! And.. and… aliens and stuff!

BE A MATE

GET SUANIE A DATE!

If you have a website/blog I would truly appreciate your help in getting me laid a boyfriend. A GUY OF MY OWN! IMAGINE THAT!!! OOoo the excitement runneth my cuppeth!

So I have made some banners and stuff that you could put on your blog, even if it’s just one post. I understand that not everybody think that I’m totally hot (what’s wrong with you???) so I made some variations of the banners. Democracy? Hah, I AM DEMOCRACY!!!

If you think I’m HOT :

Date Suanie - Banner 1

If you think I’m JUST OK:

Date Suanie - Banner 2

If you think I’m UGLY:

Date Suanie - Banner 3

The world will SOOOO be a BETTER PLACE if Suanie has a boyfriend!!!

Date Suanie - Banner 4

It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out!

DATE ME!!!

religious tolerance

One of the few times that minishorts did not swear was when she was writing something on religion.

Totally awesome, dudette!

Actually you may know what this is roughly about – our brother Menj’s new book Buddhism: A Muslim Primer, out in the market selling at RM7.90 each. Go get it if you really want to, it looks cool.

Minishorts asked for and received a copy of the book for ‘professional review’. Actually I was quite impressed how the review turned out. The same woman who wrote all the erotic bedtime stories could churn out such a review; I’m totally blown out of my mind and will kiss her feet for as long as she likes.

I didn’t ask for a copy of the book because I am quite malas to read more than currently required, and also I don’t think Menj would trust me to review something so close to his heart about something so close to my heart without me getting all riled up and emotional about the whole she-bang ;)

As I have said, Buddhism is something close to my heart so I feel like I have to say something, even if it’s just for the sake of saying it. This is like the best merry-go-round ever.

So today my beautiful readers and random blog-hoppers, I am going to talk a bit about religious tolerance.

Before that I am going to talk a little about ME so that you may know where I am coming from.

I am a Malaysian Chinese. I grew up going to the local church. I have read the Bible. I love Christian hymns, sometimes I still sing them because they are so beautiful and the when you see Christians praising the Lord in their all powerful embracing manner, it brings a tear to your eye. No, I am not being sarcastic, I think it’s a really beautiful wonderful thing, the spiritual and community touch. My mom used to practise Taoism, all the burning this that and a lot of relatives from my paternal side practise believe in Taoism as well. It was most apparent during my paternal grandfather’s funeral when we had to walk all the countless circles in the attempt to safely guide his soul through hell, however metaphoric the rites.

My dad (who is still very much alive; a lot of people think that he is not around anymore or estranged because I don’t talk about him much) is an atheist and a firm believer of science. I used to ask him all sorts of questions, like if people die where do they go? “Nowhere, they are just gone” was his reply. If he felt like answering more he would go on about how the body became weak and frail in time, basically your biology 101. Gods and deities? “No such things.”

I grew up playing with the Malay kids next door, spending much of my childhood with them and their family. I went out with a Malay dude for more than a year. All these people taught me quite a bit about Islam; of course not to the extent of being scholarly but enough to have lively and animated harmless discussions that furthered my understanding.

.::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::.

Personally I do not feel that many people truly understand the real purpose of religion. What is the ultimate aim for a person to embrace a certain religion? Cut through all the differences and you may realise that everyone, regardless of labels is trying to find peace and happiness within themselves. Suddenly we are not that different after all. At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter if your god and my god are the same, or if there is a god at all. Everyone just wants to find his or her own place, everyone wants to belong, everyone needs an anchor to know that there is a purpose in life.

Faith is important. Having said that, faith can be a double-edged sword. How can you use your faith to help eradicate poverty and bring an end to social injustice? On the other hand, what can stop you from using your faith to destroy the world? Some people realise that there is a higher power and stop at there. Some people realise that there is no limit to what man can do and take it further. If it is something like massive drug trafficking, then the blame lies on having too much faith in the man. If it is something like religious wars, then the blame lies on having too much faith in religion. Having faith is just not enough. You need to be aware of what you want to hold on to, what is the purpose of you having faith, why do you need faith in a certain something to begin with. I like to think that’s when logic and sensibility enter the picture.

In Chief Reverand K. Dri Dhammananda’s book ‘Why Religious Tolerance?’, he said,

Actually, there is nothing wrong with religion but either there is something wrong with man or with the methods that the man uses to introduce and to practise religion. This is perhaps why people sometimes get fed up with religions.

And another :

Only three things are required for a man to be religious : he must have good thoughts, use good words and practise good deeds.

Which brings to a famous saying by Deng Xiaoping, “No matter if it is a white cat or a black cat; as long as it can catch mice, it is a good cat.”

What I am trying to say is that we are all so different, yet we are one and the same. Yeah yeah you probably heard or read this somewhere else – most likely from U2′s One. But how many people do actually embrace and practise it?

Personally I think the wrong definition of comparitive religion is a waste of time. I got riled up because it was the first time I’d ever came across something like this – why the heck would anyone want to compare religions in such a biased and unresearched manner, I don’t know. And at the end of the day, it is like claiming that my god is better and more powderful than your god, never mind that Buddha himself did not believe in a monotheism god. Okay, so we do not agree – what’s your point, really? There is utterly no need to undermine another’s beliefs, religious or not in such an unprovoked and unresearched attack (yes, talking about Harun Yahya still, least anyone gets the wrong idea).

Basically I know you love your God. I love you for loving your God. Let’s move on.

In the 1994 ‘Conference on Islam and Tolerance’, Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohammad said,

It should be understood that even the Qur’an had made it clear that there was no compulsion in religion and that Muslims were required to have good ties with non-uslims who did not develop animosity towards them. If all Muslims know and understand the teachings of Islam from the Qur’an, hadith and sunnah, from books and history, not only will their ties with non-Muslims improve, but also non-Muslims will really understand the teachings and principles of Islam. With this it will improve the Islamic tolerance in relation to all parties. This is an admirable attitude which should be adopted by the followers of all the religious in Malaysia.

Sometimes the old man was a bit off his rockers. But many other times he makes perfect sense.

So… peace.

control your kids, dammit!

So I was having dinner at a Korean restaurant in Sri Hartamas with my mom and sister, catching up as always seeing that we don’t meet that often.

Halfway through our wonderful dinner of kimchi and bbq-ed beef, the table next to ours was filled by a young family. This means kids, old enough to walk around without assistance, very young still hence they were yodeling at the top of their little lungs.

These little horrors proceeded to run around the wooden floor jumping and squealing and basically being insensitive little tykes. The parents, other than a few half-hearted words of wrath decided to let their little godzillas roam around the little space kicking the wooden floor that made it very uncomfortable for other patrons like ME, coz we were all sitting on the same blasted floor Korean style.

Then how? My sister said that at this point the kids would not pay any attention to adults; they have each other to encourage them in this ruckus. So we being the wiser ones have to grin and tolerate.

But that is so damn bloody unfair, don’t you think? When I go out I do not impose my childishness/willfulness on other people… unless they bloody well deserve it. But when it comes to kids, we ALL have to bear with them.

WE ALL have to tolerate, live and let live and all that new age psychobabble ohm-ing nonsense shit.

Why do I have to be PUNISHED just because some people can’t be arsed to use CONDOMS?!?!?

WHY DO I HAVE TO PUNISHED JUST BECAUSE SOME PARENTS DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR PARENTING 101??????

Then you come lay all the bloody problems on society influence bla bla nah nah bleh bleh gfy.

YOU ARE THE SOCIETY’S GODDAMN BLOODY PROBLEM!

Fucking lil’ tykes… I fucking hate tykes.