You know what? This is it. I look everywhere and everyone’s happy being part of a couple, holding hands, la-da-di-la-ing in their happy happy world of two (or more) some. Ain’t bloody well fair, I think to myself. Why aren’t I part of the action, ANY action??? Maybe it’s because of a variety of things, but in my not so humble opinion the photograph of me in The Star here smashed the cupcake.
This being the final straw, I have to take matters into my own hands. Not I want to, I HAVE TO! If not for the sake of MY happiness then at least for the sake of my friends who would be glad to have me stop bitching and whining, something which I would so not totally do IF I HAD A BOYFRIEND!
So I am launching a WORLDWIDE campaign, as wide as it would go, penetrate the four corners of earth and all that to help ME get laid a boyfriend. Or at least a date. And I am asking you, my friends to get thoroughly involved in this worthwhile cause, help the needy and so on.
I totally understand the need to provide some reasons as to why anyone would want to date me. Show cause as they say. Who is this Suanie and why date her? Well you can read all about the ‘who’ part in About Me. It’s the ‘why’ part I need to tell you because if everyone knew why, I wouldn’t be so dateless and single as I am now, would I?
Now let’s get down to business. Please spread the word. I AM love.
Five Reasons Why You Should Date Suanie
1. I am an easy-going gal and very flexible
Contrary to popular belief, I am not that fussy, really. A true Malaysian, I believe in upholding the ‘chin-cai lah’ principle and often go to great lengths to exercising it. What do I want for dinner? Anything. What movie do I want to watch? Anything. Which colour I like best, blue or red? Anything.
This does not mean that I do not have my own opinions. It’s just that sometimes I feel too much argument leads to nowhere but splitsville. What does it matter if I drink teh tarik or teh O ais? At the end of the day it’s just to quench my thirst, right? So long we all happy happy get along together hold hand and all, I mean, all these are small and quite insignificant matters. Not like you are asking me if I want to buy a single or double storey house, right?
At the best of times, I know what is important and what is not important. I know when and when not to be flexible.
But I do not drink San Miguel.
2. I give you your space
I understand that everyone’s got his or her own life. I too have my own life to lead, got things to take care of, family and friends to see. I am not the type to totally cram your lifestyle just because we are together as a couple. Being the understanding person that I am, I know that being together does not mean having to do everything together. Sure I want to do things to WITH you, but I know that there are some things you need to do by yourself. Like going to the toilet. Or going out with the boys. Or seeing your ex-girlfriend for a casual meet-up.
Haha, just kidding.
No, seriously.
3. I am an affectionate, loving person
Underneath this tough leathery rubber exterior is a warm-blooded passionate affectionate romantic sentimental girl who is not afraid to express it. When you are down I hold your hand. When you feel like moaning I have a shoulder for ya. When you need a hug, look no further. I embrace PDA but I won’t go OTT.
You should be so lucky.
4. I am in touch with my feminine side
You know like how some girls get cheesed off if you open the door for them? “Oh you think I cannot open my own door is it, you chauvinist pig?” Well, Suanie is not like that. Suanie truly appreciates gentlemanly conduct and loves it if you open or hold a door for her. You want to buy me a drink? Why, that is very kind of you (beer only please), thank you.
And I can actually cook. If I want to.
Sometimes I squeal and simper, sometimes I skip a bit, sometimes I giggle. I ADORE wearing skirts, the more layers the better. I look good in high heels.
Heck, I look good in ANYTHING! Talk about versatility!
5. I’m just FUN to be with!
I know it’s a bit cliche to say this, but I am really fun to be with! I can crack silly jokes, I can be a smart ass, I can go serious ala Jeff Ooi, metamorphose be my middle name. I am not afraid to try new things. New adventures? Sign me up please.
And I love kids. Really, I do.
So how was that for reasons? Good enough? Of course they are! What are you waiting for??? If I don’t get a date after this, gosh there must be something REALLY wrong with this world! You want to talk about the changing of society? Society would be DAMNED if I don’t get a boyfriend! It would be like… like… the end of the world! And.. and… aliens and stuff!
GET SUANIE A DATE!
If you have a website/blog I would truly appreciate your help in getting me laid a boyfriend. A GUY OF MY OWN! IMAGINE THAT!!! OOoo the excitement runneth my cuppeth!
So I have made some banners and stuff that you could put on your blog, even if it’s just one post. I understand that not everybody think that I’m totally hot (what’s wrong with you???) so I made some variations of the banners. Democracy? Hah, I AM DEMOCRACY!!!
If you think I’m HOT :
If you think I’m JUST OK:
If you think I’m UGLY:
The world will SOOOO be a BETTER PLACE if Suanie has a boyfriend!!!
It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out!
you kia see lang super whore of the year lah.
ROTFL L L L LL L L LL Lgoing to die adi…
koyak
HAHAHAHAHA OK I WILL PIMP YOU AS WELL..
hahahahhaa
damn funny lah you.;) I love the first two pics! Esp the flexible one. sure score adi!
Suanie wants a boyfriend. Are you man enough (and a bit tall, not ugly and not a sex pervert)?
…
lol you make me laugh you do.
reckon some of my gweilo friends will be able to handle your flexibility.
shall I?
That’s pretty damn funny sweetie… Okay – i’ll get the beer and crisps in, setup a PC with Warcraft for you in the spare room, front you a 1 way plan ticket to the UK, and you can live in sin with me as my number 1 fav concubine. Deal??
WHooooA …mama
I’ve got a friend… he’s still single and wouldn’t mind dating anything … his name is Elliot.
*dives for cover*
wow! you are awesome! guys, what r u all waiting for???
*blinks* Perhaps we all should have our own ads on this ay?
Start sending in those love letters!
LOLOL! You just killed me with laughter! I’m typing from my grave. Would you mind dating someone who’s dead? Err… Mana itu tempat ambil nombor giliran?
Date
You and Me
One Day / Night
Serious
I have just started reading your blog (after the feature in The Star) and I think you are a fantastic blogger and I hope to be as creative as you are one day.
Keep up the good work!
OMFG! This is one of the best post to date! I was laughing out loud in my cubicle my staff thinks I’m nuts! LMAOOOOooooooo!
ok, try my best …
I can’t be your boyfriend but I can hold your hand… come.
buwahahahahahhahahahaha BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH omg this is the on-nest ever. i’ll spread the word
Are you vying for “votes” with Lady F? This should have been Blog/Ping of The Year.
College first!
If you had worn the red outfit to the PPS Bash, like everyone was suggesting, I believe this issue would have been remedied already.
Anyways, if it doesn;t bother you, I’m going to paste the “date suanie!” button at the side-bar of The Tiger’s Den; consider it my contribution for the Date Suanie Campaign. ;P
Promise I won’t direct-link the button from your post.
HAHAHHHHHAHAHAHHAHA. Funny stuff, Suanie!
You should make a Why-you-should-date-Suanie Contest or some kind of application form for possible suitors to submit
laugh die me!
Sorry… turned pictures off.
*loads pictures*
. . . *BIG sweat facefault*
The guy in the blue shorts look interesting. I want to date him. Oh wait, this post is about you. Sorry!
you know I have a huge crush on you
why does there have to be a large body of water separating our lust ofr each other =)
but I’ll PIMP you out regardless
wooohahahahahaha
so hilarious..!!!!!!
u dun hv any requirements for men?
*start hunting for suanie*
Now I regret I didn’t bring you out on a date when I was in KL. 🙁 Sorry.
Goodness Gracious!!!
This is a perfect example of great advertising and even greater marketing. Do you take-in students? I need a diploma in either of those.
Hahahahahaha. I am truly laughin me ass off. This is a funny post. Too funny to be true. Great post. You go Suanie!!! *squeaks*
I don’t wanna date u but I would love to hold ya hands. N let’s be friends.
Tee hee. Hahaha..
Cheers!!!!
Bwahahah best post evar!
Like the helmet hides anything haha..
Holy!!!! You’re practically a contortionist! 🙂
===5 Reasons why I can satisfy Suanie instead of a human male===
1. I am an easy-going car and very solid
– yes, i’m realiable, depandant and saved my master’s dad’s life in an accident 2 yrs ago. i’m a hero! am not expensive to maintain and my body FRAME is stronger than a crappy Wira.
2. I give you your space
– drive me alone, you get a passenger seat to put your handbag, purse, phone, etc and a whole back seat PLUS a boot to put anything else!
3. I am an affectionate, loving automobile
– I love anyone who gives me an engine wash
4. I am in touch with my masculine side
– my gear shift lever remains solid and hard 24/7.
5. I’m just FUN to be with!
– want to have an adrenaline rush coming down or going up mountain passes? I can give you that!
wakakkakakkaka!! so cute lar.. u!! very great “advertisment” 😉
Who is the guy wi5h the helmet? Looks too small to be Andre.
THIS MAKE ME SO ON !!!
hahahahaha ,,,,,,,,,,,,
wow!!!…..i wanna date u baby!…wahaha..btw…was that ky?…hahaa
You see, there’s your problem. You take yourself way too seriously.
lol …so that was the banner u were telling me lol
I WANT I WANT DATE LU !!!!
haha. suanie does it again. just like her ‘bash me bash me’ post with pictures of what she was going to wear to the PPS bash.
if after this shameful ad of yours, you get lots more date than you bargain for, don’t push them all away eh. take ’em all! take ’em all!
sorry i mean shameless instead of shameful. but of course i meant that in a joking manner. 🙂
OMFG …. SUAN!!!!!!!…. you naughty girl you… quick come to my house so i can spank you…
suan how could you? I thought you had me??? I always date u but u dunwanna date me 🙁 So sad … but anyway … why the bed and the blue butt look so fammiliar geh ????? love u bia*ch 😛
Get a life, gal.
The one in the helmet, do you think ppl can’t reconizeeee your bloody helmet??
Suanie, u are so stupid cute on this post…. and you should ask the blue short to be take off…..
I can see that HSBC does contribute somethings useful !!
OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! Super owning post!!! Offer letters must be overfloweth at the moment!!! You GO girl!!!
hahahahahah…wow I think this is one of your best ever post !!!!!!
If i were living in KL……..*sob* ( i am not )
well to those lucky “single” males pls take immediate action!!!!!
LOLOLLOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
leave carol alone, leave ky alone, leave ccarol extra large vibrator alone !!!!
*claps* *stands and clap*
Quite impressive! But where’s the application form?
suanie is as suanie goes!
matakecik: but you are nuts 😮
SK: oO thank u
minishorts: *bows*
Peter: come…
Giant Sotong: hot, right? lmao
tiger: please go ahead, link it if you want to, I AM that much of a blog ho
Jayelle: gives you ideas right? *winks winks*
simmie: hahaha I’m not that hot lah 😛
percolator: eh don’t die on me!
viewtru: Hot Babe is actually Hot Dude, right? Don’t lie…
sashi: CHEERS!
Mercurial: why don’t you date me instead? I like your koi pond
Nic: oh you know what my heart most desire…
hayanna: of course got requirements lah.. even when you buy vege at pasar also got requirements what… heh see lah
Kenny: regret leh….
Saddnesz: great example of self whoring you mean
kyels: cheers heh come hold hands
james: omg ISN’T THAT RIGHT! Got single friends?
serge: oh you cutie
8555: something about my partner guzzling petrol instead of beer bothers me…
Michael Ooi: WANT TO DIE AR!!!!!!!
Crazy: thank you 😛
Pok Ku: hahaha GUESS!!! He can cook!
Anonymous #1: oO who are you?
hdoong: my sentiments exactly…
Hallaj: yah, just remember, I did it first 😛
n305er: here here!
jennhuiwen: eh I am straight leh… haha yeah it might be KY, it might not be 😮
Kevin: you are kidding me, right?
Kuzco: yeap…
Wingz: kenot.. I kenot date xiao di di…
lucia: heh take them all I shall! Shameful is right actually 🙂
Shiryen: omg YES PLEASE
doc: yah guess who I learnt it from? 😛
Suertes : ok!
Jojo: yah I wonder why it looks so familiar heh.. muaks
Anonymous #2 IP add 165.21.154.111: duh…
Szue Fei: *blushes* thank you
kimberlycun: someone older than ME ok…
myhorng: haha obviously you have the same HSBC thing.. it’s kerol’s
Master Foley: awww the waste of oceans indeed…
ST: Shh.. not everybody knows 😛
MorpheusX: come here lah… KL/PJ is the bestest.. got hot chick some more.. haha omg I think I just grew another layer of skin
jaggedthots: see that contact form up above? heh…
Awesome …just awesome! Fantastic post – great pics – hot bod – great humour too. Heck, i didn’t even spot any spelling mistakes; see – that’s how distracted I was… Now, brutal criticism first… unless you’re hot for some bukkake, wearing glasses in bed is a no-no, god gave you fingers – use ’em 😉 Who’s the dude? what, he’s just a stage prop? ok… it was just a simulation …riiiight…….. sure……. and what was that giant white pill-shaped thing? 😮 No! OK, now then… positive comments… erm… right, ok, I can think of one… hang on… just coming… any … moment … now… YES! That’s it… oh, wait… gone again. Anyway, yeah, you will surely pull some hot young studs, I know you will! Pimpin’ yo ass on yo own blog – genius. Good luck Suanie!!! <3<3<3 I'm rooting for you! And if you ever need a helping hand, it's about 8000RM return to London I believe 😀 Love ya! <3^lots
i know you are just at a loss for words :p it’s ok *pats*
Suanie, you are hilarious. If I had a penis instead of a vagina I would date you.
;D
LMAO!!!! You……… Well I don’t know what to call you but you kick ass!!
Me likey, hehe the hottest thing about you is that you have a sense of humour. Self-deprecating at that! You had me up until you were gonna shove that object in that guy’s ass LOL.
Gosh, Suanie, I nearly got fired. All those suggestive pics, and my exec walks by when I look at them. She thinks I am working hard, and all that is left is a hard on – no, sorry, wrong words, Freud speaking here. All that is left is a damaged reputation in my office. Andreas doesnt work hard, he loks at pics onli. Punishment for you: You gotta date me for one nite, lol, for diner, for breakfast. Holding hands, sharing stories, lol. Hehe
i dunno whether to laugh or to cry lah… bwaahaahohohooooohooohoooo…. tooo funny…. tooo funny! adoi…. bwahahahahahaha…..
Hmmm .. bit tall … Nope!
Not Ugly … well, I think I cleared that hurdle
Not Sexual Pervert! … I thnk I cleared that one two
What Mr Meatloaf say – two out of three ain’t bad! 🙂
Scariest post ever! 🙂
Hope this isn’t because I am coming to visit you in KL soon.
This is superb!!! almost fell off my chair luffing!!!
HAHHAAHAHAAHHAAHAHA……………..
great start to my day!! 😛
I’m usually a stalker but this time i have to come out n say – YOU ROCK, GIRL!!! stomach hurts fr trying not to laugh out loud, tears flowing, too… excellent ‘work’ suanie… wish you the sweetest, nicest guy to ‘date’ you 😀
‘if you’re abit tall, not ugly or a sex pervert … ‘
u forgot to add ‘must be creative’ darling. if not creative, later u can predict the next move oredi :p
LIKE OMG SUAN. I BUKA THIS FUCKING POST AT WORK AND IT TOTALLY LOOKS LIKES A FETISH PORN SITE! OMG OMG SUANNN!!!
oh suan, you adorable gurl *smooch*
hahaha…flexible sial…that should score u a point or two…but putting a picture of u ‘positioning’ the poor guy with the title “i’m just FUN to be with” would probably scare away 60% of malaysia’s eligible males…hahahaha u’re FUN and FUNNY!!!
Here is my ADVERTISEMENT
for you. Hope it is to your liking and tasteful and everything. 🙂
eh you never know leh…maybe you got some seklet admirer out there so obsessed about yout….print your piccies and put it all over his wall and ceiling 😛
Hahahahaha can’t imagine why you can’t get a boyfriend, you’re hillarious. Man into SM too. Dang I want 1 XD Figure your email will be flooded with proposals soon enough.
Love today’s post!!! Love it love it love it!!!!!Im loving it! I will and would love to help!
You know how to get me.
Do.
H&G
lol. that was funny!
so…did you get a date yet? i could try and hook you up with some guys from my uni if you’d like…
Ever have a dream so vivid that every detail was tangible? So perfect that it was as if you were wide awake experiencing every detail. Your sub-consciousness erupts into you conscious mind making everything life like. Yeah? Me too. Last night.
…
IT WASN’T MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE =x
SUAN, MY .. MY.. DIED
“Underneath this tough leathery rubber exterior”
Do I sense S&M?
Ummm..
Jastrom: Heh irl it’s gonna be more minor than the object… like guys who do enjoy a lil bit anal stimulation but they do not want the girl to tell them that they are doing it… so basically it happens, but don’t tell me. hmm a bit incoherent here, well hope you get what i mean
cmos: no leh… not coming.. DO YOUR PART
ahseng: both at the same time 😛
Anzi: muaks
Kate: thank you thank you heh
Terence: kerol loves the white thang
Pinky: beggars kenot be choosers 🙁 but that one will come up sooner or later mah
FA: pfft not like you don’t download porn anyway
arboon!: enter the new age, they shouldn’t run away, they should embrace their…. well they should embrace suanie!
simmie: hmm that is a bit scary… hmm…. you are not doing that with my photo are you? 😛
Binnie: that coming from a woman is the ultimate compliment!
Madder: funny? smart? intelligent? cute? adorable? on the go? hot? vivacious? try… 😛
Kervin: no also leh.. DO YOUR PART 😛
q-line: oO thank you heh
Suertes: aye
Andreas: oh my… could this be a blossoming romance! 😛
Dabido: hahaha nyeh
KY: no it wasn’t you indeed… on the other hand the helmet looks DAMN familiar!
Suertes: sense it all you like heh I have absolutely no comment
Cik Delia: *smooooooooooooooooooooooches*
FA once pimped for herself at her blog. Did it work for her ? If yes, copy and paste hers. Oh hang on, she asked for a laid/many laids not love, so not quite the same here, or is it ?
gosh u from batu pahat too? hehe 😉
House: Hmm I have no idea. Same concept different presentation I guess.
Dabido: heh cheers
water_junk: yeah.. I’m gonna be banned from BP soon hahaha
lynn: heh thanks for the offer.. but I don’t want younger guys leh… 😛
Mastah F: you da man!
no no…..just wallpaper and screensaver 😛
Wakakaka…suanie, u are just too damn farnee! best of luck getting that date!
LOL Superbly funny. 😛
Shit, I was this close. If I am not a pervert, I would have qualified.
Nevermind, I shall continue my journey to the East.
this is good, really really good :))
he he he ho ho ho he he he
No Worries.
Oh, and take one of Lynn’s younger men! Better to train them than get one someone else has already stuffed up!
One of my Japanese friends sent this to me – actually, I was reading something similar last night, and the calorie count was higher in what I was reading – also I think she means Physique where she says Physic. lol
Why Sex Is Good.
1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every half an hour of it. It will lower your cholesterol and improve breathing circulation.
2) You won’t get sick. According to research if you have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to get sick.
3) You’ll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically proven to be less depressed than women who dont have sex.
4) Makes you look better- [ problem is ugly people don`t get any ]. Sex releases hormones in your body which make your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physic.
5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge themselves at least once a month. It also makes you look younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to 10 years younger than you really are.
*masturbation is healthy for both men and women.
BabE!!! I’m putting you on my site as well … We’ll make sure by the end of july 2005 you’ll be planning your wedding 😉
Suanie has a lagi geng(more powerful) self classified than mine!…
Babe your mom is soooo kewll… auntie can you be my god mummy 😀 hehehehehehe
PING OF THE YEAR!!!!!!
YP: muaks!
vlad: I duno.. there’s something about a guy on enough to show his kalerful undies in public that attracts meh..
Lamdog: hehehohohihihahahheheh
Verne: hmm everyone wishes me luck.. how come no one really wants me?
Dabido: Saw that a long time ago heh still true.. I guess
deepsy: haha if that REALLY happens, you are the maid of honour!
FA: siao!
I Want you……
To keep that “Big Pill” baster Far away from ME
Me so Afraid….
HEHEHEHE, you are so FARNIE!!! 😉
I really like that red dress. ;p
OH u funny dotter! Now i m more confirmed about genetic passing down and heredity!!!! I enjoy it verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry much. Keep writing this sort of articles. U will be happy when u make others happy. NO Boyfriends???? Fear NOT. When your true beauty is revealed, I’m sure they’d come tumbling and strumbling to get your hand.
The true beauty is such : xin mei ren jiu mei. GET it? No? It means that when the heart is beautiful, thus the person is beautiful. This I have always say about myself!!! Now I pass this secret recipe to u. 😀
Where did u get the red dress???? I was searching for my floor mop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dino: but you probably will like it! 😮
h.liew: I like the skirt too.. but cannot wear it in public oredi..
mom: yah lah good and bad also you give one! hehe
Chinese proverb I also know! hao ma bu chi hui tou cau… err that’s the only one I remember.
deepsy: can one lah.. my mom got so many godchildren already, sometimes she sayang them more than she sayang me….
!!!!!
OMFG….
Look at all those responses. Like a dating circus, hehe.
Funny Suanie! I LUV ur blog, lol. Or, better, the writer behind!!
Oooh..I’ll date you! Next weekend?
suanie suanie…. i must say u are one hell of a gal…. ur “desperate-for-a-date ad” was the most interesting and extraordinary one i have ever seen… 🙂
eh, can i also date u ah? hehe… me no male species, dun worry i m not a lesbian either… but ur ad and pics are just so interesting (and creative – with the pic u sleeping on one side and leaving a whole lot of space on the other side to indicate u give space) that i also interested to know u better… hahaha…
and i m very interested to know if ur ad work out alright and weather u get any real dates ;p
opps! alamak… see, too infatuated with u in the red dress that i spelt ‘whether’ as ‘weather’… ;p
Kancil Killer: !!! WOTTTT
Andreas: awww thanks heh it does look like a dating circus eh? guess who is the freak show?
Lainie: CAN!!!!!!!
kruy: oO thanks… contact mehhhh
no lah suanie, cannot date u lah… me in UK not in Msia… cyber date can lah ;p wan ah? kehkehkeh….
hahaa..what a funny post indeed….contender for post of the year
Wow….hahahhahahhahahahha….make me laugh and rollll….hahahhahahaha…great website…..Suanie……Sure I will be with u when i come to KL…..mail me ur id and number…hahahhahah..u really make me laugh….even Einstein recommends ur tits 😉 hahhehhehehhahahhah
Do u want this out in print? 🙂
Star and NST maybe? 🙂
I should fuck the shit out of you girl lol
Awwww honey…with those tits and that face, I’d go out with ya :p
*whistles innocently*
Sheila: do it! 😀
Simply Awesome!!! An excellent way to market yourself, I am amazed at the idea, though you could have REMOVED your Specks during the photo shoot session (I hope you understand what I mean). I am ready and surely spread your message, atleast you have a great BED to sleep on.
Well, Sheila, did you? pics??
Suanie — If you were in Texas, near Austin, I would date you and show you real fun. I bet you look great naked and tied up. By the way how do you taste?
KB
YOU! 🙂
-r
naughty; AND Nice!
luv Ya. luv Ya.
so far away.
fa fa away.
🙁
now I cry.
-=-