Archives for July 2005

say my name, biatch!

“South Asians may be more wary of the future President. In November 1999, a year out from the polls, Texas Governor George W. Bush was settling into his Presidential campaign, when he was embarrassingly tripped up by an impromptu foreign policy quiz. Asked to name the leaders of India and Pakistan, he could not.

Bush : “The new Pakistani General has just been elected. He’s not elected; this guy took office. He appears he’s going to bring stability to the country, and I think that’s good news for the subcontinent.”
Journalist : “And can you name him?”
Bush: “General. I can name the General.”
Journalist : “And it’s?”
BushBush : “The new Prime Minister of India is… no.”

(Taken from Jonathan Harley’s memoir “Lost in Transmission”. Harley was the ABC’s South Asia correspondent from 1998 to 2002, focusing on India, Pakistan, Afghanistan and even a bit on Nepal (when the crown prince killed his own family). Anyway it is a rather engaging book. I stopped reading halfway just to share this with you because it made me laugh for a long time. That is how nice a person I am.)

all your beer is belong to us

I hate it when people waste good beer. Good beer is like, precious commodity, you know!

Wasted Hoegaarden


Be mindful people! It’s not champagne; it’s not sexy! Oh the disrespect!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

protein in the membrane

The whole ear sex idea was born after a stimulating (as always) conversation with Nic. Yes, he is THAT attractive. And the song by Cypress Hill just popped in my head out of nowhere.

Starved for protein maybe.

Anyway, it’s a bit lame, I’ll be the first to admit that but here goes nothing.

Suanie’s “Protein in the Membrane”

Who you tryin’ to get jiggy with ese? Don’t you know I’m watching porno?

To da one hot hunk with such tight buns
I just slap that sausage against my slice of ham
Like spam
It gets hard when I flick my tongue
Damn, you have quite a chunk
Don’t stop teasing me lobes
Wit a swift motion remove me robes
The lights are blinkin’, I’m a-blowin’
It gets better when you start a-moanin’
Oh makin’ my head spin
That’s why I go down on you so keen
Even tho me wax are nearly flowin’
Cuz a floozy like me needs protein

Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!
Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!
Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!
Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!

Do my ear over and over
They be the size of a dollar
Gonna watch dat brain get fatter
Fat chick on a diet don’t try it
Y’all don’t need no more protein lovin’
Get it in, get it out, make some noise
Leavin’ me holes sweet and moist
You know I don’t take it gently
Get some KY and rim it already
So rim me now, rim me good
Rim my chink ears just like you should
Scream me name, I’ll explain
Cuz a floozy like me needs protein

Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!
Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!
Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!
Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!

Like the Knoxville kid who do weird shit
I’ll go upside down so ya can rim my pit
Ya gotta end it soon
Shoot yer load all over my lobes
Burst at me like Peter North
All yer protein gonna come forth
Like it said give me my daily bread
I ain’t mad, I ain’t gonna be scared
Yes I want it all in my head
Of this protein that I get
Make my brain fat
Don’t ya wipe, it’s there for good
My brain’s lovin’ its new food
Now shake it inside, don’t waste it on my chin
Squeeze it dry, ya cum’s a mint
Cuz a floozy like me needs protein

Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!
Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!
Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!
Protein in da membrane, protein in da brain!

i just made rowling a wee bit richer

Bought the new Harry Potter book

Heh, half of it was sponsored by my second sister for ‘services rendered’.

Craps, I have too many books to read now.

tuesdays are confusing

I want but I don’t want, I want but I don’t want, I want but I don’t want, I want but I don’t want.

I should but I cannot, I should but I cannot, I should but I cannot, I should but I cannot.

Maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not, maybe, maybe not.

So I ended up didn’t.

mondays are confuckulated

I have a new word I could use and it’s all thanks to Michael Ooi.


I have no idea what it means. How do con and lated get in the way of fuck? Jaime and I were scratching our heads thinking of possible word integrations and we could only think of these:

conscience fuck
contracted fuckulation
confused and fucked
continuous fuck

Obviously we didn’t scratch for very long because it was a Saturday and we had some shopping to do. But the point is, how do you justify a word so beautiful as confuckulated? Michael?

I mean, I have a penchant for misusing words. It could almost be my trademark. The most obvious word that I regularly misuse is the word gay. Like, ST is not a homosexual but he can be very gay. Not deliriously happy but gay. Then I use this word a lot and people would ask me, why do you define gay like that? I don’t know. Maybe I have nothing better to do. But to me the word is so befitting that it overlaps the original definitions, hence the very regular usage.

If you want fabulous gays, here they are :
Bryanboy the original LV Prada totting superstar.
Trent, Pink is the new blog. Just absolutely hillarious, his boyfriend hot and it’s his birthday tomorrow.
Jay in London. A new discovery actually thanks to T-boy.

I love them.

So even though I do not know the real definition of confuckulated, I’ve been using the word regularly since Saturday. That was when I really gave a thought to it… well simply because it wouldn’t leave my mind! Jaime and I spent a great deal of time talking about confuckulated and when we reached Colours we both shoot off a SMS to Michael with just the word confuckulated. We don’t know why. Maybe it was brought on by the ugly low quality clothes at Colours.

Nah I love Colours. It is very… erm… colourful. They make my expensive curtains look good.

Anyway here are some snippets from our conversations :

“… bla bla bla he did this bla bla bla he did that bla bla bla and he thinks he wouldn’t get caught? Pfft that is so confuckulated!”

“bla la di la da bla he trying to gain sympathy or what? I hate it when they twist reality to fit into their little own worlds of fantasy… insecure confuckulated bastards…”

“This place is confuckulated.”

“She is such a confuckulated airhead, I want to strangle her and feed her to the dogs.”


So versatile and fits in every occasion!

It’s Monday and I got lots of shite to do, never a good start to a week. Mondays are confuckulated.

My mom is in town and she’s in the hospital puasa-ing for tomorrow’s laser op. She had a very painful manual op last October to remove some massive kidney stones, she goes to the Selayang Hospital for regular check-ups and now she has to get the residue from the last op out before they do anymore harm.

Kidney stones are so confuckulated.

MAXIS barred my line because my bill payment from Alliance on-line banking did not go through… even though they deducted RM150 from my account. How confuckulated is that?

I am going to bleed soon, I feel so fat and sad, I want to bite people. I feel so confuckulated.

Sigh. I love you all.

5 reasons why you should date suanie!

You know what? This is it. I look everywhere and everyone’s happy being part of a couple, holding hands, la-da-di-la-ing in their happy happy world of two (or more) some. Ain’t bloody well fair, I think to myself. Why aren’t I part of the action, ANY action??? Maybe it’s because of a variety of things, but in my not so humble opinion the photograph of me in The Star here smashed the cupcake.


This being the final straw, I have to take matters into my own hands. Not I want to, I HAVE TO! If not for the sake of MY happiness then at least for the sake of my friends who would be glad to have me stop bitching and whining, something which I would so not totally do IF I HAD A BOYFRIEND!

So I am launching a WORLDWIDE campaign, as wide as it would go, penetrate the four corners of earth and all that to help ME get laid a boyfriend. Or at least a date. And I am asking you, my friends to get thoroughly involved in this worthwhile cause, help the needy and so on.


I totally understand the need to provide some reasons as to why anyone would want to date me. Show cause as they say. Who is this Suanie and why date her? Well you can read all about the ‘who’ part in About Me. It’s the ‘why’ part I need to tell you because if everyone knew why, I wouldn’t be so dateless and single as I am now, would I?

Now let’s get down to business. Please spread the word. I AM love.

Five Reasons Why You Should Date Suanie

1. I am an easy-going gal and very flexible

Contrary to popular belief, I am not that fussy, really. A true Malaysian, I believe in upholding the ‘chin-cai lah’ principle and often go to great lengths to exercising it. What do I want for dinner? Anything. What movie do I want to watch? Anything. Which colour I like best, blue or red? Anything.

This does not mean that I do not have my own opinions. It’s just that sometimes I feel too much argument leads to nowhere but splitsville. What does it matter if I drink teh tarik or teh O ais? At the end of the day it’s just to quench my thirst, right? So long we all happy happy get along together hold hand and all, I mean, all these are small and quite insignificant matters. Not like you are asking me if I want to buy a single or double storey house, right?

At the best of times, I know what is important and what is not important. I know when and when not to be flexible.

But I do not drink San Miguel.

2. I give you your space

I understand that everyone’s got his or her own life. I too have my own life to lead, got things to take care of, family and friends to see. I am not the type to totally cram your lifestyle just because we are together as a couple. Being the understanding person that I am, I know that being together does not mean having to do everything together. Sure I want to do things to WITH you, but I know that there are some things you need to do by yourself. Like going to the toilet. Or going out with the boys. Or seeing your ex-girlfriend for a casual meet-up.

Haha, just kidding.

No, seriously.

3. I am an affectionate, loving person

Underneath this tough leathery rubber exterior is a warm-blooded passionate affectionate romantic sentimental girl who is not afraid to express it. When you are down I hold your hand. When you feel like moaning I have a shoulder for ya. When you need a hug, look no further. I embrace PDA but I won’t go OTT.

You should be so lucky.

4. I am in touch with my feminine side

You know like how some girls get cheesed off if you open the door for them? “Oh you think I cannot open my own door is it, you chauvinist pig?” Well, Suanie is not like that. Suanie truly appreciates gentlemanly conduct and loves it if you open or hold a door for her. You want to buy me a drink? Why, that is very kind of you (beer only please), thank you.

And I can actually cook. If I want to.

Sometimes I squeal and simper, sometimes I skip a bit, sometimes I giggle. I ADORE wearing skirts, the more layers the better. I look good in high heels.

Heck, I look good in ANYTHING! Talk about versatility!

5. I’m just FUN to be with!

I know it’s a bit cliche to say this, but I am really fun to be with! I can crack silly jokes, I can be a smart ass, I can go serious ala Jeff Ooi, metamorphose be my middle name. I am not afraid to try new things. New adventures? Sign me up please.


And I love kids. Really, I do.

So how was that for reasons? Good enough? Of course they are! What are you waiting for??? If I don’t get a date after this, gosh there must be something REALLY wrong with this world! You want to talk about the changing of society? Society would be DAMNED if I don’t get a boyfriend! It would be like… like… the end of the world! And.. and… aliens and stuff!



If you have a website/blog I would truly appreciate your help in getting me laid a boyfriend. A GUY OF MY OWN! IMAGINE THAT!!! OOoo the excitement runneth my cuppeth!

So I have made some banners and stuff that you could put on your blog, even if it’s just one post. I understand that not everybody think that I’m totally hot (what’s wrong with you???) so I made some variations of the banners. Democracy? Hah, I AM DEMOCRACY!!!

If you think I’m HOT :

Date Suanie - Banner 1

If you think I’m JUST OK:

Date Suanie - Banner 2

If you think I’m UGLY:

Date Suanie - Banner 3

The world will SOOOO be a BETTER PLACE if Suanie has a boyfriend!!!

Date Suanie - Banner 4

It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out!