Archives for June 2005

afflictions afflictions afflictions

I bet your nipples that you have heard of Feng Shui at least in one way or the other. Some people think that Feng Shui is all about placing disfigured frogs in some corner and pair of ducks in the other. Some people think that Feng Shui is about walking the mountains, studying the environment, getting directions. Some people think that Feng Shui is bullshit.

Whatever you think, I bet that very few if none of you have heard of Feng Shui Sex.

Now bear in mind that this method is not affliated with anybody nor associations. I know that some people who read my site know where I work and all so the disclaimer here is that, this is purely my own invention.

That’s right. After years of working and studying whatever resources is available to her (which is massive) Suanie has finally come up with a Chinese metaphysical way to improve your sex life. Rejoice, rejoice; there is hope for you after all, my young padawans!

Since it is a newly found method, so to speak, I cannot reveal everything. But I can tell you the gist of it… to create interest what… like how production houses release trailers to spark your interest… there is a reason they call it teasers.

For that reason, I can’t tell you how it works exactly but I can tell you how it will end up.

Feng Shui Sex!

Oh my god, oh yes, OH YES! No move to the North 0.5 degrees! Oh… mmm that’s it, that’s it… Oh fuck me fuck me harder! Wait, North 1 340 degrees now, now, now!!! OWWWWWW!!!!! Oh baby mmmm oh yesss!!! 350 degrees 350 degrees!!! Reach for 353 degrees!!!! YES YES YES!!!! Turn around go South now! NOW! MMM OH MY GOD!!! NO NO NO!!! South 3, 195 degrees you idiot! Yes that’s it THAT’S IT!!! DING DING DING* HERE I COMEE!!!! Come with MEEEE!!! Shoot it shoot it baby SHOOT AT KUN** GUA!!! CUM all over my Southwest 2 baby!!!

Exciting, isn’t it? Aren’t you at least intrigued already?

Now associate that with the person who always goes “AFFLICTIONS AFFLICTIONS AFFLICTIONS” every year on paid TV and you will lose all zest for sex, become a monk hence making the world a better place.

Right. I’m off to do serious work.

* Ding is Yin Fire, also known as South 3.
**Kun is Earth, also known as Southwest 2.
***Yes, I was just kidding.

pps 2nd anniversary bash! bash me!

Shake yer bon bon Shake yer bon bon Shake yer bon bon…

The PPS 2nd Anniversary bash is going to be held at a place I’d never been to, located on a street I’d never heard of, but heyyyyy it’s alllllrrrrighttttttt.

I’d already said I’d go, signed up and everything and I shall be bringing ONE MYSTERY GUEST!

Actually the person is not really shrouded in veils of mystery but it sounds more exciting that way.

The last I checked, a lot more people are confirming their attendance, so you bet it’s not going to be a small quiet dinner.


Lots of people stuck in KL and lots of out-of-towners! There’s minishorts, Gabriella, IreneQQQ, luciala, eyeris, return of the Mack, Kenny Sia, da 6th Seal and many many many many many more!

When is this going to happen, you ask?

Well people, make your calendars free for :

Date for Project Petaling Street 2nd Anniversary party

You can get more details from the sign-up page.


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Now when it’s a party (or gathering if you will, same thing), one of the main things to fret about is, WHAT TO WEAR?!?

This question has been playing around in my mind ever since I decided to go. As you know, choice of clothing is of utmost importance as the first impression is almost always the decider on whether or not you get talked to. You know lah… sort of like bloggers’ meeting like that, everyone with or without something to say will most certainly say it. I sure as hell do not want to get lost within the crowd, even more to be left hanging alone and ignored like a wilted wallflower. So you can see how very important this is, not just for me but for everyone else. If you haven’t given two hoots about it before, I suggest that you start worrying now.

But this is about me, right? So I had definitely given the matter A LOT of thought – more than a few restless nights than I care to admit, and finally came up with a few options for the evening.

First of all I want to be seen as welcoming. Even though I am not the host – actually I am not anyone important there but the idea is to create the illusion that I am important! And important people are always going around looking cool but totally approachable, definitely a sort of welcoming note embedded within their aura. That is why people go up and talk to them and that is how they become important and popular.

So I think I will give my ‘fuck off’ aura a rest for the night and go with ‘come talk to me me me me me!’ To achieve this, let me introduce to you something that has not seen the light for many many moons…

The Curtain

Don’t I look so welcoming already?

And to add to my beckoning allure, the curtain is designed to fit in as many people as possible!

Okay, maybe that is too in-yer-face. Some people might prefer a softer approach, like casual jeans but still totally cool. But since my ‘fuck off’ aura is precedently strong, maybe cartoons might make people see that, hey! I’m so warm and friendly and nice and all that jazz! Not because they are childish shy but maybe they need a topic so they could break the ice!

I’ve so already thought of that.

I’m so on your similar ground, dude!

The umbrella is on hand in case you are an umbrella fan. See, I think of EVERYTHING!

What a grand welcoming gesture! On the other hand it could be me constipating, but let’s not go there.

Or how about black? Everybody loves black. Black is so in. And black and white is totally sweet! Word!

Maximum loving y’all!

I ain’t got no bling but that don’t mean we ain’t getting crunked up!

‘Coz I’m a cool person. Like, totally. And if you ain’t gonna chea I’m gonna shoot the five outta ya. Biatch.

When there’s black there MUST be white! It’s like an unspoken thing, the Yin the Yang, the Michael Jackson. So how could I disappoint???

The green thing is from Escada some more ok…

What does white do? White represents what?


You can crack your heads thinking what that was but don’t hurt yourself.

Or maybe I could represent KL herself! A touch of old fashioned traditions and a wave of new culture! That would be like totally cool to be able to say “OI! I AM OLD AND NEW AT THE SAME TIME!” Then all these people see mehh, then they WAHHHHH by golly she is SO in TOUCH with MALAYSIA TODAY!

And I could provide entertainment during the bash as well! Of course my skills are not what they used to be but heck! Santana has to call ME sifu!

A stroke of brilliance, that was.

Perhaps cute and adorable might cut it? I mean, it’s not my usual platinum rampant rabbit to simper and whine in saccharine overkill mode BUT for the sake of PPS’s bash I WILL DO IT! O the mighty sacrifice to please and pander to all odds and ends in our picky finicky blogosphere!

Is that a simultaneous ‘oohhh ahhhhh awwwww’ that I hear? No it isn’t loud enough. Let’s raise the stakes. After all if you are going to die of sweetness overdose at our first meeting you might as well get a heart attack, either from utter happiness or incomprehensible shock.


That was totally cute though.

And the last option is of course the colour RED. The Chinese say ang ang very lucky mah.

Who knows I might get lucky leh?

But then it might not be such a good idea. I mean, red is also a danger/keep out/hazard/warning sign what.

Decisions decisions…

No-lah, seriously if you see me there, just ignore me. I very shy one.

So come ah…