Woman, you are a bleeding book

TWB makes a lot of sense sometimes. So much that I requested and was granted permission to share Loke’s views (and of those around him) on my blog.

You see, a girl is just like a book. In fact the lead up to all relationships can be analysed based on this side by side comparison.

Face it – every book is judged by its cover. If the book cover looks nice and new, you would probably be tempted to walk over and pick it up. A book cover that is badly designed shows that the author didn’t really make an effort.

Then again there are other forces in play. If the book was written by a famous author or the title is different and catches your eye, then if you have time in the bookstore you would most likely pick up the book.

That’s when you walk over.

Then maybe, just maybe the cover design is interesting enough to make you want to find out more about the book. So what do you do? You flip over to the back cover to read the blurb.

That’s when you say hello, let the introductions begin.

If the blurb is interesting then like any experienced book buyer you would squat down the aisle and flip the pages. If it looks promising you would walk to the provided benches in the bookstore to read the first couple chapters.

That’s when you take her out on dates.

If you like what you have read so far, then how? Buy the book to read at home la…

That’s when you develop a relationship with her.

If the book is good, you would probably introduce it to your friends. But all hell breaks loose if they ‘borrow’ your copy and you never see it again. So how? Tell them to buy their own copy la.

Some books remain favourites even when they are old and tattered. These people are called loyal readers. You want my copy of LOTR? Go fuck yourself.

Some people buy the books then sell it off after they read it. These people are called ‘playboys’.

Some people leave the books on the shelf never to be read again for the rest of their lives. These people are called ‘married’.

Then a very philosophical friend said,

“Even bad books are sacred, and therefore precious.”

What is the moral of the story?

Woe be us

Harga petrol naik
Tapi gaji masih sama
Ingat nak beli BMX
Tapi takut kena langgar
Pasal pemandu Malaysia buat tak kisah
Ntah-ntah salah saya
Tapi apa boleh buat
Pak Lah kata itu semua manfaat
Gomen pun you yang undi
Rakyatlah yang kena buli
Pelik juga macam ini
Kena buli sendiri sudi
Pastu pek pok pek pok
Macam mak nenek nyanyuk
Tapi bila kena saman
Rela kasi duit sogok
Entahlah wahai negara tercinta
Semuanya pun tidak apa
Nak hidup macam orang kaya
Tanyalah sikit, duit tu dari mana?
Malas aku nak membedek
Sekali salah cakap masuk ISA.

Petrol price increased
But our salaries remain the same
I thought of buying a bicycle
But I’m scared of being hit
For Malaysian drivers do not give a shit
And in the end it would still be my fault
But what can we do
Pak Lah (Malaysia’s PM) said it all benefits
You are the one who voted for this government
You are the one who ends up being bullied
It’s quite strange, really
It’s like you are willing to be bullied
After that you would sure complain
But when you get a traffic summons
You are willing to bribe the officers
Oh my beloved country
“It’s ok” be your motto
You want to live like a rich man
Ask yourself, where did the money come from?
I do not want to take aim at anyone
One wrong word and I might end up in ISA (Internal Security Act).

The Rowers

I think I’ve heard this one before, but me ma told it to me again last week.

It is so true that it makes you think and re-think eh?

— — — — — — — — —

Every year Malaysia and Japan would have a boat rowing competition. For years the Japanese team always beat the Malaysia team by a few hundred metres. Naturally the Malaysian government was not very pleased about this. During one of their meetings they decided to try fix the problem. However they could not come up with any solution, hence they hired a consultation firm to help them.

Off the consultants went to work. After some research they found out that every rowing team had 8 people. The Japanese team had 1 captain and 7 rowers, whereas the Malaysian team had 7 captains and 1 rower. They passed this finding to the government.

Of course nobody was happy; we can’t go on losing every time, we must reconstruct the team. They asked the consultants to come out with a solution, which they did after some time. A new structure must be implemented, they said, there cannot be 7 captains and 1 rower. Instead there should be 1 manager, 2 assistant managers, 4 captains and 1 rower. And so it was done.

The following year the Malaysian team lost to the Japanese team by 1 kilometre. Naturally the Malaysian government was very angry. They told the consultants that it was their idea in the first place and now they have to fix the problem.

When the consultants return with their new findings, they told the government that it was not their structure’s fault but the fault of the rower for not working hard enough.

They sacked the rower.