As Suanie Sees It

I asked ST to interview me like this, so here we go!

1. If someone were to offer you 10 million dollars or good health for you and your family, which would you choose and why?

Good health for me and my family. Lord knows we need it.

Though money CAN buy you good health these days I’d prefer [i]al naturel[/i].

Besides it would seem such a derhaka thing to choose the money.

And we always try to do the right thing, don’t we?

Don’t we???

2. Would you prefer to be super good looking, or an academic genius? And why..

Since I am already super good looking, I would want to be an academic genius. Such a lethal combination would bring me the Nobel Prize, the Pulitzer, an Oscar… you name it and I shall go down in history as Suanie the Timeless Beautiful Nerd.

3. If got a free trip round the world, with 5 destinations what would they be?

London, New York, Rio de Janeiro, Berlin, Dubai.

And Cairo, Sydney, Wellington, Amsterdam, Hawaii, Paris, Manila, Beijing, Shanghai…

EVERYWHERE I ALSO WANT TO GO!

4. If you had to choose, no sex ever again or no internet ever again which would you choose?

This has got to be a trick question…

But if it’s gonna be the bestest sex ever in my life, then it’s goodbye Internet.

Anything else less than that, goodbye sex.

5. Someone chartered you to produce a documentary that will be shown all over the world and could really make a difference, what would it be about?

“Not another McDonalds… The Truth about Capitalism and Globalisation”

or

“MTV is Killing YOU!”

The Official Interview Game Rules (copied to be passed on)

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying INTERVIEW ME!
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s questions will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

This morning on the way to work, I stopped by a petrol station in SS2 to… pump petrol lah what else…

So I was happily driving towards the Sprint highway en route to Midvalley. At the turn off to enter the highway I noticed something out of place. Something different about the left side of my car.

My fuel tank’s flap was wide open!

OMFG I FORGOT TO REPLACE MY FUEL TANK CAP!!!!!

I stopped by the side of the road to close the flap.

Then cursed a lot.

Then drove back to the petrol station in SS2 via Sprint and Federal Highway.

Then kena laughed at by the attendant.

Then retrieved my fuel tank cap, screwed it back on and drove to Midvalley using the same route earlier.

Then was late for work.

All this aggravation and the huge detour in a car without air-conditioning (rosak).

To add salt to injury, I received a REAL injury.

A bleeding ugly deep scratch measuring three inches on my upper right arm, thanks to the horrified rush to close the flap.

Sigh.

I’m such a fucking sorhai sometimes.

Seeing that it was the Buddha’s birthday and all, I would like to share my favourite sutra, The Kalama Sutra. Since young I figured that if I needed faith, at least let it be something I have certain control over.

So the Buddha was tripping along the dusty roads of India with his disciples in tow when He reached Kesaputta. The people of Kesaputta were called the Kalamas, like how the people of San Francisco were called hippies and people of KL jakun.

Now the Kalamas were a confused bunch, not unlike drivers today who can’t make up their minds whether to turn left, turn right, go straight or not go at all. They asked the Buddha,

“Dude, you look so smart and enlightened and shiny and all. Maybe you could show us the light on an issue that has been bothering us?

You see, there have been many other teachers, monks and what-not here in our town before you. Each tells us that their teachings are the real Haagen Daaz and the others are plain Walls. If they were from Amway or Cosway selling detergent we could easily slam the door in their faces, for we know that Dynamo is the best. But we figured that since we take our lives quite seriously, maybe we should not dismiss all these preachers condemning other preachers.

So who among them are telling the truth? Who among them are lying? Is it true that the one that shouts the loudest screams no lies?”

To which the Buddha replied,

“Yo listen up! It is true that the powers of marketing and branding are strong. Yet thou shalt not unnecessarily waste your hard earned money on inferior products. Who said that Dynamo was the best? Did you? Did you? Have you tried all the other detergent available in the market?

Myself, I prefer Attack.

Likewise in life, it is easy to be misguided by the mindless dribble frothing at the crooked mouths of unscrupulous agents. All of them want a commission in some manner or the other. But what has it got to do with you, O Kalamas?

Here forth I shall spout a few chosen words, which after I die shall be known as the basis of the Kalama Sutra.

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
Do not believe anything because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything because it is written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Rely not on the teacher or person, but on the teaching.
Rely not on the words of the teaching, but on the spirit of the words.
Rely not on theory, but on experience.

But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and the benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

So my young padawans, what think you?”

The only thought that was formed in the Kalamas’ minds was, “Damn Dynamo”.

.::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::. .::.

What is the point of this story being told the way it was?

My point of view is that people being people will continuously hold on to something for the sole reason of it being baseless.

Emotions, facades and so on; you believe just because you want to believe.

Even in Malaysia, a lot of people still hate the Japanese for their past atrocities. Children are taught to hate with passion; your grandmother/father/mother was brutally raped/killed/humiliated, it robbed you of someone you could have known, never mind that s/he would probably die of diabetes/cancer/heart attack long before you were born.

Similarly on home ground, a lot of kids were not allowed to play outside their own races. “The Malays are perverts, the Chinese are uncouth, the Indians are dirty, and everyone else is a bad bad bad stranger who would do unspeakable things to do because you are a Malay/ Chinese/ Indian/ Lain-lain.”

And so the cycle continues.

Tolerance is a virtue, understanding is a necessity.

Feel free to expound on this.

Via The Sun UK :

A KINKY housewife was knocked out cold in Asda - after her vibrating knickers left her overcome with excitement.

The thrill-seeking shopper was wearing a pair of Ann Summers battery-operated Passion Pants to spice up her sex life.

But as she pushed her trolley she got so aroused by the 2.5 inch vibrating bullet inside that she fainted.

The 33-year-old fell against shelves and banged her head in the crowded store at Swansea, South Wales.

Paramedics rushed to help - and found the black leatherette panties still buzzing.

They switched them off and removed them before taking her to hospital.

The woman who has not been named to spare her blushes made a full recovery but her pride took a knock.

As she left hospital a paramedic handed her back the naughty knickers in a plastic bag.

An Asda spokesman said: “We like to think shopping with us is exciting enough already.”

You can purchase your very own Passion Pants for 25 pounds each from the Ann Summers website.

I MIGHT NOT mind a Platinum Rampant Rabbit either.

I never did much homework. I was alone a lot and there weren’t many people supervising my childhood and growing up years and man did I abused the privilege.

One of the subjects I loathe most is Math. Until today I can never get the hang of why the combination of x and y needs to be z. What the fuck is x? What the fuck is y? Y z??? How did a, b and c come into the picture? What is their story? How the fuck do you plus and minus alphabets?!?

That is why my right brain is more often in use than my left brain which is rotting by the second. Perhaps it could also explain why my right boob is slightly bigger than my left boob.

But all the algebra and trigonometry stuff was in high school. Although I did get an ‘A’ for Math in UPSR the road leading to it was not a pretty sight.

In Primary 4 (4 Hijau) we had a Math teacher, Puan M. She was chubby and used far too much lipstick and blusher for my liking. Even at the tender age of 10 my fashion police sirens were wailing at the top of their lungs. Well that was how I remembered her; not really a nice thing actually because she was friends with my mom.

But I can’t lie even though the truth hurts.

Suffice to say I never did much of the her homework. As punishment she made me write lines - 100 at a time. I don’t remember the exact words but it must be something like ‘Next time I will do my homework’.

Now let’s wake the left brain up for a little bit of logic and rationality. If I do not do her homework , do you think I would write lines?

Silly cow.

Every subsequent day of the same week she would have the whole class chanting “Satu ratus, dua ratus, tiga ratus, empat ratus…” and so on for every day that I did not write the lines. When it finally reached satu ribu I was brought to the headmistress.

All SHE made me do was to clean the school toilet.

That’s a smart woman who knows how to save money on janitors.

And I finally did Puan M.’s homework.

p.s : Yes KY, that is also why I can’t count 12000.