For

There comes a time when one must sit down in solitary and think long and hard about life’s direction.

Well, nothing unusual – I do this almost every other day.

My friends would barely lift an eyebrow, knowing that I have retreated into my own space, oblivious to much of the social scene around me. One of her moods again, they would say and duly leave me to my own devices, until I snap out of it by myself.

Often the thoughts of uncertainties terrify me to the extent of having to sleep with a night light switched on, for fear of what lurks beyond. Games of the mind no doubt; though I could imagine scenes so real that the feelings transpired linger for a long time, exorcised by the might of the sun, only to return when the pale moon beckons with her sad sad song. Sometimes when I am too far gone, I could hear them. So close, so real that the relief when I open my eyes to peer into darkness is almost too overwhelming for words. Nothingness can be gladness.

Too many demons running in circles playing hopscotch. One carries a hammer, one carries a telescope, one carries a sharp blade of grass, one carries a scepter and all of them needs Prozac. As far as demons go, all of them are most definitely selfish, seeking self-gain and self-respect the bizarre way, to the point of being absurd yet very much hurtful. Temporary help is only just that – temporary. The reason for the demons’ existence has yet to be understood. Nevertheless, there are too many demons and my glass is always half empty.

But what if daisies are meant to rule and roses take a graceful step back? An appealing thought but thoroughly unattainable. The rose has carved her mark in her own blood. In the end there will only be the red rose. Silently weeping she asked, is this blood for my fragile petals worth the anguish of the scarring thorns? Yet it has been done. Let the circus begins again.

Mark me, take me, tie me, ravage me.

Explore me, strip me, gaze at me, caress me.

Find me.

Find me.

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Comments

  1. Wah.. so sexual one your post. Sexually frustrated is it? :P

  2. i’ve never seen you write like this before… hmmm

  3. lets have some anne’s pretzels and strawberry milkshake *hugs*

  4. All I need to say is…omg!wtf?huh?eh?what?!?

  5. I think you are the fucktrated one FA…

    Maybe come to think of it..it’s BOTH of you!

  6. just goes to prove a point i made earlier about you seeing everything about sex :P

  7. I do, but never bothered putting on the blog

  8. Eh… ape jadi?!?!

  9. *ignites his RED lightsabre*

    *uses his FORCE n caresses Suanie’s*

  10. *gulp*
    i am at your service buddy … should you need me. hehe :)

  11. You make it sound like a problem? (Of course, it is rather Freudian to think that everything revolves around sex. Which is why I obsess over pizza … and sex. Thank Goodness for Jung! He showed there was more in this life than sex. And thank Pizza too.)

  12. thegurlwho says:

    come back!!! come back!!! before you get lost in your own mental state!! come back!!!

  13. If any chance it makes you feel betta…this echo is resounding in me too

  14. Oh. Suanie’s going through a Gorean phase, I guess I’d better brush up on my Shibari. The lengrhs one has to go to keep women happy, sigh. :)

  15. Well, stick some more down. I want to find out how demons run in circles AND play hopscotch. Is it a circular hopscotch board? What happens to the one with the Telescope, doe she eventually work for SETI ???
    Has it occurred to you, the glass is neither half full, or half empty, is has simply been over engineered for it’s purposes.
    The demon with the sharp blade of grass scares me. Many a time I cut myself on long blades in the Penang Hills. You’re bringing back painful (physical) memories. (Darn Paper cuts!)

    Keep writting what you feel
    Think Deep.
    Think Deep.

  16. SETI does not use the classic telescope that was probably what appeared on suanie’s dream. They use huge ass radio telescope, namely the Arecibo. It looks like a GIANT Astro dish.

  17. Is lack of sex alone composes sexual fustration. What about you getting it but the opposite sex only wants your body?

    Happens to guys too, by the way. Don’t ask me why I know.

  18. Your assumption being that when you go to work for SETI you take your own telescope? I would think an interest in Astronomy might have been enough. :-)

  19. ” … but the opposite sex only wants your body? Happens to guys too … ”

    Yeah, I am tired of women only loving me for my body. Sometimes I wish I was deep instead of just mucho! :-)

  20. We are here for you, sweetie.

  21. don’t just type. leave your numbers :P

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